Friday, 18 September 2015

Wedding of the Year 

Dear Diary,

It's been a while but i have news, he proposed, he proposed finally!!!  Who said you can’t get a proposal after four months of dating. Well look who’s got a ring and it’s so beautiful!!! Thank God I added some money to the amount he initially wanted to buy my ring for. This is 4.5 million Naira well spent, he  really wanted to give me a 500,000 Naira ring? Like me.. Nah not me… I love daddy he always comes through. See how the diamonds are shining like my destiny..Blind their eyes! Everyday i take a picture for IG to spoil someone's day. 

So aunty brought my aso-ebi over today I am so in love with the colours,  'Chocomilo brown and MTN yellow' and it’s like so affordable, N 284,000 for six yards….but people are still complaining o. Later they’ll claim big boy/girl and say people are not in their tax bracket but since I am a nice person I have decided to give those who can’t “afford” it the chance to win it on Linda Ikeji’s blog. You know help the needy and stuff like dad says i should every now and then.

Oh yeah, that’s how daddy’s friend came up with a cool idea,  that invitation should be strictly by fingerprint!  So everyone has to do the whole data capture thingie at the nearest access bank for that day, haha they think they have seen wedding to crash, that’s how Tiwa called me to tell me that she went to Access and they didn’t see her name .. haha.. when I asked everyone to sit for the test to qualify for the wedding what did she say ‘I am in London’ as if it’s not her mates that flew in from Australia just for it… I have sha told everyone to be careful because that girl is not above cutting someone’s finger to be there.

Oh i didn't gist you, gosh alot has pre-wedding pictures where on LIB and see I don’t really feel guilty that third mainland bridge was closed for my pre-wedding pictures because it was just for three days, didn’t they endure that for weeks when they were fixing third mainland… the comments on Linda Ikeji's blog don’t phase me….i will just do one competition for one person to win all access pass to the wedding and everyone will shut if they won’t still be the ones uuuhing and ahhhing when my wedding pictures drop.  The carnival on the bridge theme really popped… thank God daddy was able to fly in Rihanna last minute. Gosh she is bae af!!! We took so many selfies… Instagram will shake tomorrow.

Can you believe it’s just three weeks away? Three weeks…  Eko hotel is just perfect even though we are inviting only 300 guests. Maybe we can do a live streaming and people can pay to watch..hmmmn I’ll ask uncle about it… so Drake is confirmed, Bono said he couldn’t make it …sigh. Coldplay is definitely going to be there, Rihanna and there was one last person. Oh yeah M.J ‘s hologram. How cool is that?  This is going to be the event of the year…wedding of the year I mean.. I can’t wait.

It's not all been rosy though some people keep trying to get me angry, one of my bridesmaids just sent me a text that she's dropping out, hiss… that friendship is definitely over, she said she can’t keep up with the expenses, you would think I told her to drop 1 million oh.. 600k  and she’s shouting...anyways I am already starting nationwide auditions for someone to take her place. This is a setback i don't need right now.

Boo is calling me, I have told him not to call me from 8am - 8pm only from 9 – 9:30 pm he doesn’t listen… he’s now calling me with his driver’s phone as if I don’t have true caller. I don’t want to get angry. I need my space, he should not choke me oh. Is this how it’ll be when we get married? I'll have to talk to daddy about separate houses for both of us.  

 Anyways I have to stop here..  It’s time for my ugwu facials.. this face has to be ready for the big day. Can’t wait to gist you about the in laws. 3 ha1ta2 ha3sa ma5ma 

Sunday, 22 February 2015


They say when you meet THE ONE, you'll know it. Maybe I've watched too many Ally McBeal
episodes but i sometimes imagine i am walking down a busy road,  a car stops and out comes this
dashing young man ... YES i just used the word 'dashing'  i shall now proceed to kill

So yeah this young man who's 6'1, no 6'4 ... jumps out of the car and suddenly breaks into

dance *cue background music* 'Walking on Sunshine Starts plays' ... the butterflies in my

tummy start doing synchronized steps to the beat of the music... two okada men, one conductor

and a lastma official join him in his dance routine like it's oh so normal.

It's all so indian-movie-esque and then he says 'Oh Laide where have you been, i've been

searching for you all my life' then i faint spanish soap opera style, hand on forehead and he

rushes to catch me before i fall into the gutter.

I'd wake up in his lavish pent house, okay house in Ogudu... and i'd be all scared and shit

till i see his face and then i remember - The ONE.... awww!! 'Cue Music - Cheesy Nigerian music

about love plays'

It'd feel so perfect and ordained by God..its exactly the way those drake picture quotes

said it'd be...we'd have identical awww inducing names 'lamide' and 'laide'... the perfect

wedding hashtag #lala2016 ..these things are important when choosing a partner you know...

nobody will hashtag ur wedding if his name is Arochukwu .. aint nobody gat time for that.. back


I wouldn't need convincing, we'd skip courtship ..oh wow! 'Courtship' i'm really showing my age.

we'd skip the getting to know each other serenre.. feels like we've known each other for years,

all our lives have been preparing us for that one moment when we met in Balogun and he jumped

out of his car to rescue me from falling into the gutter. 'Cue Music - We found Love in a

hopeless place plays'

We'd wear matching Aso-ebi's to weddings and hold hands as we walk out of Sunday service. Oh

praise be to the Lord! Our instagram pictures would never get less than 300 likes with comments

like ' I go love oh' #Goals, Relationship Goals, Relationship on fleek!!!'

All those i cant wash a woman's underwear days are left behind... that's all he thinks about at

work...the only thing that keeps him happy while he drives home in third mainland traffic..the

fact that hes coming home to wash the underwear of his queen. What an honour!

So this is real love i'd find myself thinking, all the while i've been wasting my time with

satan's helpers thinking i was in love not knowing that THE ONE was out there. Gone are the

days when breakfast in bed was thrown across the room to you.. in form of agege bread

with two measly akara's in it swiftly followed by the loud thud of the pure water.

No more excuses of I've been busy that's why i couldn't call every hour  to check up on you.

Its strange cause almost every time i think about him he calls, every single time..its almost

like our minds are connected..its like i'm Jean Grey and he's Professor Xavier... see he just

called now! this is amazing.

We'd have really intellectually stimulating conversations and matching wit. ...and even though we might not have alot of money... we have love.

That how it is right? Right? Somebody answer me!!!!

Sunday, 26 October 2014

Anonymous Thoughts - What is Your Biggest Struggle in Life Right Now?

Took a little Hiatus but i'm back with 'Anonymous Thoughts'.

We are all going through one thing or the other in our lives, no matter how much we laugh, smile and have fun, but that's just the great thing about it..that we are still able to do all those things despite our different struggles.

Thanks to everyone that responded....Enjoy!

Sunday, 22 June 2014

#AnonymousThoughtsSeries - WHY DID YOU CHEAT?

Raw, unedited anonymous responses to the question 'WHY DID YOU CHEAT or WHY ARE YOU CHEATING?

My next question was inspired by the account humansofny on Instagram.. be sure to check it out

QUESTION 'What is your greatest struggle in life right now?' You can answer anonymously here ->