Once upon time i was a girl who was scared about every single thing.
Scared of the outside world because for so long id been kooked up at home by over protective parents,who had me chauffeur driven anywhere i wanted to go to,they rarely let me go out to visit friends or even play outside..they believed everything i ever needed was at home and coupled with the abuse i just receeded into a world of my own.
Scared to speak to people,i didnt want people to look at me.I felt i wasnt worth it.Scared of what people would say at every point in time.I let the thoughts of others rule the decisions i took in my life.Scared of having to stand up for myself.Ud push me and id tell you i was sorry.
I am thinking bout how i used to be and am tearing up cause i feel so sorry for that person i was.
Last year i had to leave my hostel cause my mum said so for reasons best known to her, i had to start using public trans. Which i had never never used in my life.Prior to the day i had to start i had never known such fear in my life.Yeah its quite Laughable, i mean people use public transport everyday.Yeah people not me.
Iv been a girl who has never had to deal with outsiders,always had my family to protect me and deal with them,never had to fight for anything or standup for myself.What happens when someone calls me fat or some other name that'd totally shatter me,what do i do then,what do i say.
I didnt knw how to deal with that.I've never needed to,cause i just never went anywhere.I dnt know what to say,my self esteem was at a low place and i just felt like everyone was out to get me that once i was outside there attention would just be focused on fat ol' me and somehow everything else wouldn't matter to them..just tormenting my life.Looking for me to make that mistake so they can laugh.
The first three weeks of public transport was hard to deal with.I didnt knw any bustops or where to stop.But now am so proud of myself,lol you don't know how much.If might not seem like an accomplishment to you but to me it means a whole lot than entering a bus it means i overcame my fears.
Am not scared anymore,i can defend myself,i dnt feel like dying when people look at me.i mean it's only natural they would,they cant have enough of this 6ft of chocolatey goodness.Am not scared that someone would call me fat,i just brush it off my shoulder.
I know my way round now and i feel alot independent.I dont have to wait for anyone to take me anywhere,get up and go where i want.Back then if there wasnt anyone to take me somewhere i wouldnt go,even to school for an EXAM.I relied on people too much but not anymore and it feels good.
Am alot street smart now,my fear of crowds have gone up in smoke.Theres no where i can't go and nobody i cant talk to.And i do what i want regardless ofwhat bola or deji thinks.
It feels like am just starting to live my life.All those years i was in some cocoon and this beautiful butterfly has finally set herself free.I feel like am getting there.To happy.
I still have alot to do to finally be where i want to be.But its a process...I am not scared anymore.Laide's not scared anymore...