Thursday, 29 March 2007

My crayfish waka!

So I had to go visit obinna yesterday cause he’d been doing all the coming over and all…I wasn’t looking forward to the journey cause it’s a place I had never been before on my own and it was very very far…plus the only route I know too well is to school and back so going to this place was really scary but I had already promised and all.

I couldn’t take a cab..i remember the last time I took a cab to that area cost like 3600 (1800 to and fro) and I wasn’t even the one that coughed out the doe and with obinna being a cheap ass morrafucka if I just make mistake and take a cab…na inside boot the cab driver go put me and obinna till the money comot.

The first bus I took I thought I was sitting amidst human beings oh, little did I know…at one point we encountered some supporters of one governorship candidate…they were all over the road…disrupting traffic…they had hired a lot of buses with their supporters in them distributing flyers, flags and caps…that is how the driver of my bus started to chase another bus with someone at the back holding like 5 caps….if u see the kain stunt this dude was trying to pull..when he caught up with the bus he tried to get as close as possible so his conductor can collect some caps from the dude..while both vehicles were moving on the express oh…Jesus! I was just shouting…pls stop! Pls stop!
Nobody listened to me….every other person in the bus seemed unperturbed, a dude beside me stood up and reached out to the condcutor..i thought yes, he was about the give the conductor one heavy abara on his back only for the idiot to reach out for one cap…he started struggling for a cap with one guy in front..all of a sudden everybody’s struggling for a cap…I was like Jesus isn’t anybody seeing this accident waiting to happen….all for a cap…After all the commotion the conductor turned to me “Sister take cap now”….e no go better for that cap..i didn’t even answer him.

Immediately the bus stopped I didn’t even care that it wasn’t at my destination I just came down sharp! Sharp! It’s not me that’ll enter under trailer because of cap…nonsense..i didnt contract one disease or the other and die. .it’s because of cap I was now killed..

Entered another bus that looked more like a coffin, but at least I was getting nearer to my destination…all of a sudden the front door opens…fiam! Chukwuabiamabiko!
Thank God I wasn’t leaning on it…the conductor quickly jams the door so hard it’s deafeaning.. the journey was horrid but I had to endure…all for obinna oh..for anybody else…I wouldn’t go through all this…am not cut out for this I swear. I am someone that doesn’t like stress so this crayfish waka obinna was making me endure wasn’t even funny at all.

That razz ibo wizard told me the journey would take 30mins tops but it took 2 bloody hours…I left looking like one fine babe and got there looking like a wet sewer rat..the wind had done something not normal to my hair….i looked like mother gagoo from binta my daughter..Okay oh…to open the front door…wahala…the driver and conductor where at it for up to 30minutes….the drivers side they said was even harder to get open that’s why the driver used the window…I was like this is so not my day..they tried and tried but the door wouldn’t budge..every other person had alighted…

one stuipid man was like “sisi e be like say na window you go take comot”

Win- kini? U and who…

Ehn stay there na….abi make I carry u

“You fit carry am,u no know say na tallest,u no see as e big..u wan kill ursef”

“sisi take window comot”

No! open this ur stupid bastard door now…

One ova sabi comes from nowhere…

“Leave am make I open am, he tries and tries and finally he opens it…

I hurry off quickly and start calling obinna who’s just giving me stupid directions, I end up having to ask people like some bloody jjc.I swear I almost loss.


Finally got to obinna’s friends crib and all…we hung out and bla bla bla….

I lost track of time and had to hurry back, obinna was like wait till 6pm…a friend of mine will drop you on the road…i just looked at him…You don chop craze sha…6pm..so that I’ll get home by 1:00am and meet my papa infront of our house with all my belongings in one cowbell carton.

“Oya alele back to where your coming from”

You are really not serious oh, abi u dunno I have a 5’ o clock curfew… …don’t lemme slap u oh…

The journey home was worse, I lost my way….i was so confused…I just wanted to get home safely and early cause I was so tired and annoyed….Hold up was killing….chei my father is going to kill me ehn…

Okay I got home by 6pm…thankfully no one really raised an eyebrow except my amebo brother who was like “you, your just coming!” amebo oshi..

I greeted my mumcy who was too engrossed in American idols to know I was just coming, instead she was telling me to teach her the theme song to “one tree hill” that one contestant sang…

I went to greet pupcy and he was like “You you’ve gone for your jamboree ehn, shey uve gone to school to play and ur eye has come down”

I was like sir, its not like that, school was okay I had to wait for this lecturer who delayed me till like 5pm and the hold-up was crazy”

Then he’s like “Bring out your hand now u liar!”…lol jus kiddin..

Anyways he chopped sha…and I was free…and I immediately went to bed thinking that’s one journey I wouldn’t be taking ever again.Gba!

18 comments:

bimbylads said...

ur such a clown.. i love ur blogs..

Nyemoni said...

Girlfriend.. you are such a trip... This is why I love your posts... Nice hilarious post!

exschoolnerd said...

why thnk u thnk u...lol

bimby u get a kiss for being first.

MUAH!

u get a kiss nyemoni too..i saw that bad eye u gave me.

Anonymous said...

Your posts are very refreshing Laide and I can imagine really being there with you.
As you are not anonymous don't yopu worry that someone close eg family will discover your blog?Some things are personal.I'm not saying you should become anonymous. I just want to know your thoughts on this.

exschoolnerd said...

yeah i worry lots oh..that one day my bro's will find his blog..they know i have a blog and all and have been trying to get the addy but i've been able to hide it from them so far..if they do get to see it one day....there's only so much i can do...my mum and dad am so sure will never see it..its my bro's my worried about...they think me is a good good girl...well i think they think i am sha...

Simply Gorgeous said...

Hi Ex, sorry it took me long to get here today. I had to take care of the twins, they were acting out today. I will give you a truce today but tomorrow the truce is off.

Wow, this guy must be fine for you to be experiencing so much wahala. He needs to get a car like a gentleman and come and get you, and drop you home.

I am glad you did not get in trouble by your papa.

ijeoma obu iheoma said...

funny post.. nice blog

Olu said...

men dats why i like myself...i for don organize ride to go dat kind place...i swear

Olu said...

i have a new blog...abeg leave comments and broadcast me oh!!!!

Yosh said...

See love... :P

Last experience I had like that was going to Idimu. I entered one kain bad traffic once we exited the Mile2-Oshodi expressway. I wan die...no ventilation with some kain ppl smelling around me. I wasn't happy, but once I got off the vehicle, going thru this market and getting to my destination, all of that was history.

Lagos, meehhn

law_damsel said...

lol, ex sch nerd!! Hope Obinna deserve all dat wahala, if not make i help u give am abara

Mr.Fineboy said...

Too funny! 6pm curfew???? that's mad o! great post!

Chude! said...

lol@ 'find my belongings inside cowbell carton' you are just a raaaaaaaazzz naija girl.lol

6pm curfew?!?!?!?!?!? Are you living with Bree Van De Kamp?!

exschoolnerd said...

@chude...razz is the new cool!

Chude! said...

and you are right! Just look at Dbanj!!! Or, for that matter Nana (West African Idol)!

exschoolnerd said...

bwhaahahaha..at nana from west africa idols...her own razzness get k-leg oh!

Voyeur said...

Funny funny funny.

Anonymous said...

I laughed till I was dizzy..........if dem pursue me for work........I do come catch you!

You funny Mehn!!!!!!!!