Tuesday, 3 July 2007

I WISH I HAD LISTENED TO THE VOICE WITHIN.

I was walking down my street, heading home when a call came in on my phone.

Caller i.d read “Deji”

“Wassup” I asked as I answered the call.
“I am fine, just chilling at the crib. Where u dey?”
“Am heading home just went to buy some stuff”
“Do you think I can see you today? I am leaving for jand tomorrow”
“Er well I don’t know oh!”

“Please laide, I just want to see you before I go, it’s boring here. Just come over lets hangout.”

“Are you coming?”

Everything in me said no, the voice within said don’t go, say no, just go home.

I knew I should have just gone home but I was worried I’d be alone with my ever steady companions- boredom and loneliness whom I saw a little too often. I didn’t want to be with them today, no not today.

“Yes I’ll come just give me an hour and I’ll be there” I remember saying.

“Okay, I’ll be expecting you”.

I got home, took my bath, got dressed and found a taxi. I gave the driver directions and drifted into one of my mini-mind escapes trying to drown the voice within that kept saying “you should have stayed home”

Well it was too late now.

An hour or so later I was at his house, I waited for him in the parlour while he had his bath. Minutes later he came out and we exchanged pleasantries.

“L.D long time, you’ve been avoiding me shey? He asked smiling

I smiled back.

“No I haven’t just been caught up with school and all.

You look a lot different from the last time I saw you.

“Is that good or bad?” I asked uninterestedly.

“Good…infact very good”

I have never taken too well to accept compliments so I just smiled and nodded thinking “yeah keep bullshitting me”.

He offered me a drink and we talked about all sorts, football, Manchester united that we both supported and he played a dvd of theirs and we watched in silence.

After a while he excused himself and entered one of the rooms and was out some minutes later with a bottle of “Jack Daniels” in hand


”Do u want some” he asked

“Nah, I don’t do alcohol” I replied.

“Dry girl!”

He came over to sit beside me, at this point I started to feel uncomfortable. He reached out and tried to rub the sweat off my nose.

I flinched uneasily, I don’t take too well to people touching me.

He moved a little bit closer and I moved away but then he grabbed my hand and pulled me closer and started kissing me and touching me all over.

I tried to push him off but he was so strong, I tried even more with everything in me but he just won’t budge.

“Deji stop, Deji pls stop” I remember begging him. But he didn’t.

He got on top of me and held me down with his knees while he took off his pants.
He was wearing a condom.

It began to dawn on me that this was real, I might actually get raped. So I fought harder.

“Deji what are you doing? Please stop this, please get off me” I said with tears in my eyes.

But he wouldn’t listen, he seemed like a different person, it was almost as if he was in a trance. He took my trousers off, while I tried to fight him off but to no avail. He was too strong.

Ten minutes later it was all over. I had been raped. I felt dirty. I felt like it was my fault. I could have fought him off even stronger. But I did, I swear I did.

I got my things and made my way for the door, as I opened the door he pushed some naira notes in my palm for a taxi.

No “Laide I am sorry” not that it would have made a difference, he said nothing, he just acted like nothing happened. He walked back into his room while his back bade me farewell.

I felt like a whore, I looked at the money in my hand, I felt like I was being paid. If I had enough money for a taxi I’d have thrown his filthy money on the ground. But I didn’t and I had to get home, it was getting late.

As soon as I got down I spotted a taxi, I gave the driver directions and I handed over all the money to him.

“Sister na 1800 you give me oh, na 1000 I call am” the driver said.

“ I dash you the rest”

“Ah, N800 naira…thank you oh.

He looked at me through his mirror.

At that point I was tearing up.

Sister are you ok?

Yes I am ok..lets go abeg.

The traffic meant I got home two hours later. I rushed out of the taxi as soon as it stopped near my estate. I think the driver said “God will bless you!” as I entered.

I got home, went straight to my room, turned off the lights, threw myself on my bed, curled under the covers and cried my eyes out.

Two months later I missed my period. The end of my world began.


I was bewildered with thoughts. What will my family say? What will people say? What will become of me, what will I tell this child when it’s born? What about school? Who will believe I was raped?

I had visions of my mum breaking my head with a pestle.


The only person I told about my predicament was my boyfriend at that time. He supported me all through, and provided a shoulder to lean on and an ear to bend during one of the hardest times in my life. If he wasn’t by my side comforting me I would have lost my mind. He told me it was just nerves and I shouldn’t get worried.

But worrying is my second name.

I cried on his shoulder and he told me everything would be okay.

He advised me to take a test and some days later i made my way out to look for a pharmacy. I made sure it wasn’t one near my house. The last thing I wanted was for tongues to start wagging. I looked for one far away, somewhere where they didn’t know me. Where my secret would be safe.

I asked the sales girl for two pregnancy test strips, she stared at me like I was some whore.Like “You have gone to do, now ur eye has come down”

“Silly cunt, stare all you want, you are the least of my problems” I thought to myself.

I hurried home and waited for the next day, for some early morning urine. My urine became my best friend I can’t remember giving my urine that much attention until then.

As I took the test all I kept saying was “be negative” please “be negative” please “Just one line” not two, just one. Please God let it be negative.

And it was negative but that didn’t stop me from worrying, I was so convinced it was wrong. I tried another test and had the same results but that didn’t allay my fears.

Did I mention worrying was my second name.

If I wasn’t pregnant where did my period disappear to? Why did it choose this moment to suddenly disappear? I never thought id ever miss my period. But I did and wanted to see that red stain I so hated. I wanted the cramps of it would end my misery. I was sad, I was depressed but most of all I was scared.

But my boyfriend kept assuring me that all would be well. I really wanted to believe that would be the case but I couldn’t.






During that period everything was a sign, I had an ailment at that time that meant I had to spit a lot but I attributed it to the fact that I was pregnant. I read books on pregnancy, surfed the internet and did enough research. Found out the signs and it seemed like I had every one of them or was it my mind playing tricks on me?

Body aches (check)
Morning sickness (check) or maybe I imagined I was sick
Breast swollen (Check) I couldn’t figure out if my breast were always that size.
Baby bump (check) I couldn’t remember whether my tummy had always been like that or there was a baby bump.
And I didn’t know which one scared me the most. Finding out it had always been like that or it was a baby bump but the latter scared me a lot more.

I made a mental note to always remember how all my body parts look so I can know the difference at times like this. Not that I pray a time like this will ever happened till I was ready.

I was imagining I hear voices in my tummy and felt things moving inside me. I’d press down my tummy with my finger and I’d feel something like a heartbeat.

I WAS GOING MAD!!!

Pregnancy paranoia they called it on the internet.

A pretty way for saying MADNESS!!



Tayo o. told me I would be okay but I didn’t believe him

Tayo b said I wasn’t pregnancy but I still didn’t believe him.

Abortion? It crossed my mind, but I couldn’t, it’s already two months old. But even if it wasn’t. I couldn’t.

Tears, more tears, even more tears, a lot more tears. I cried endlessly.

What happens to the plans I had?

My boyfriend advised me to buy more strips, I buy two more. Sales girl was now confirmed I was a whore.

Do I have to call you a cunt one more time and remind you how much I don’t give a fuck?

The tests were negative again. I still wasn’t convinced. Where is that damned period?


But he used a condom, but I have never trusted those things. Some overzealous fucker of a sperm could have found its way out to meet some equally eager cunt of an egg.

Deji I curse you and the day you were born.

It was the forth month and I still hadn’t seen my period, my boyfriend was convinced I wasn’t pregnant but couldn’t convince me so he suggested I take a blood pregnancy test. I found a clinic and he offered to pay for me to have it done.

A week later I saw my period.

HALLELUYAH!!

Remind me to do thanksgiving in church, on second thoughts not such a good idea.

But I was still not convinced.

But after a while and I noticed the baby bump didn’t grow any further I realized I was just paranoid and I thank God I wasn’t pregnant.

One of the toughest times in my life and I thank the people that were there for me. You know urselves.Thank you very much.

Morale of this story…listen to that voice within, that tells u at times to do something or not to do it.u could be saved the kind of misery I went through.

49 comments:

princess said...

Awwwh!Poor dearie!You are a winner for having gone through all that and still having the strenght to blog about it.
Dont ever think it was your fault cos you went to visit him, Men like Deji should be locked up in the zoo with other beasts like themselves.

princess said...

I am First!

lilmissfara said...

OH MY GAWDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!

baby girl for real?

may God punish that deji bloke.in fact may the devil rape him in the arse with no lube.

ahn ahn,im just shocked,i hate things like this.

Good on you for talking about it.
i just wish there was more done to this rape and abuse issue in that country.

it wasnt your fault.just keep going,the path is bright,cus you girl are a major trip.

all the best.

excessive-diva.

Manda said...

all i want to hear is dat the story is FICTION! I thank God for healing you from this TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCE. As for Deji, gurl i'll say u leave it for God to judge him. You dont need to lay a curse on him cos the lord wil personally deal him a deadly blow! Take it easy gurl.

Pink-satin said...

I AM OFFICIALLY SICK OF THIS!WTF WITH GUYS NOT KNOWING WEN A GIRL SAYS NO!EX SCHOOL NERD DID THAT REALLY HAPPEND TO YOU?I AM SO SORRY IF IT DID..THAT GUY WAS SUCH A JERK AND OFF COURSE IN THE 9JA SOCIETY IF U HAD REPORTED HIM YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN LABELLED A WHORE!THIS IS SO SAD..THE IDIOT OF A DEJI PLANNED THE WHOLE THING FROM THE BEGINING AND HE RAPED YOU!WAS HE ACTUALLY TRAVELLLING?I AM REALLY SORRY IF THIS HAPPENED TO YOU!I CAN SEE YOU HAVE COME OUT OF IT STRONGER AND TOUGHER!GOD WILL JUDGE HIM!IT ALMOST HAPPENEDE TO ME TOO!THIS GUY WAS SO STRONG I COULDNT PUSH HIM OFF!I STURGGLED THO BUT NOT BY MY POWER DID I GET HIM OFF ME,HE JUST REALISED WAT HE WAS ABOUT TO DO AND HE STOPPED IT AND WAS APOLOGISING,OFF COURSE I FELT DIRTY AFTERWARD BUT I MADE UP MY MIND NEVER TO BE ALONE WITH A GUY I AM NOT DATING!ITS SO HARD TO HAVE CLOSE MALE FRIENDS,THEY ASSUME YOU WANT MORE THAN THAT!BABES SO SORRY YOU HAD TO GO THRU THAT!PELE DEAR!BUT I AM STILL HOPING THIS DIDNT HAPPEN TO YOU!

kingsiju said...

i salute your courage. you must have a series of battles to come to terms with it such that u can even put it online.

and Deji or wetin the dog name, i no need to talk, peeps don give am wetin im deserve... epe ijebu!

Anuoluwapo said...

Hold up... wait a minute...
this must be one of your stories cos i am not gonna believe this ohhh... is it becos everyone is talking rape... biko... na lie jo... who wan rape a whole you...
try again

Anu boy said...

Hold up... wait a minute...
this must be one of your stories cos i am not gonna believe this ohhh... is it becos everyone is talking rape... biko... na lie jo... who wan rape a whole you...
try again

exschoolnerd said...

@anu...i kid u not! forget the fact that i joke around with u alot n u might find this hard to believe but its true and only a few people knew about it wen it happened.

@princess..finally sum1's happy bout being first on my blog...what can i dash u now oh!!!

Pink-satin said...

@ anu boy...is it bcos everybody ia talking abt rape! haaa!haaa!rape isnt an easy thing to talk about it and i dont think one will make it a joke out of it!neither is talking about rape in fashion! pple are just realising the need to talk about it so as to serve as a precaution for others girls!

LurLar said...

Na wa oh.....some men shld be castrated for real!!! Ex pele.....even though u were worried physically nd emotionally then,there was still a part of u,dat was strong for u. Ur bf really love you oh,some men will turn around nd blame it all on u,den leave u alone wit ur palava. Deji will get his payback in a million folds of wat he did to u. Abi no be GOD?, na God vegenance worst pass.

bllk wolf said...

at first i tot u were trying ur hands on being CREATIVE (and i was saying to myself ."this aint funny"...cuz i saw the rape thing coming)...and towards the end it dawned on me that u were actually narrating a NASTy experience. well, i guess nothing can ever take that away.irony is im saying to myself "she `seems' so nice , and this aint suppose to happen to her" or to any woman.i don't know what to say.u know ur lucky u had people around who stood by u when it happened.someone close to me was also raped by a friend of hers.fact is this is on issue i dnt like talking abt.and not all guys would go to that lenght(wanted the ladies to know that)..curious though why didnt u go to the police, get his ass arrested, or ARANGE am?dont u look at me like that!!!such fellas need to be taught a lesson....u take good care of urself..

Teediva said...

i was reading and even smiling, trying to jump to the part where ex would say "ahh this is a joke o ppl" or this happened in my worst nightmare. when i didnt see that i had to go back to read it properly. i thank God u are still able to live ur life without being overly affected by it, and i think u derived strength from the confidence of ppl around u. easy girl, glad u've risen far above that now. he will certainly get his reward.

Anu boy said...

ex baby... i still cant swallow this story mehn... but mehn, since that happened years back, i am no longer worried about anything, cos you really have your life on track now.... nothing do you jare...

AN IBO DUDE'S CORNER said...

wow, i actually thought it was fiction. u mean it happened to you. better keep that your boyfriend for life. he is worth it. u must have gone thru hell. all those worryings... u r a strong woman, dont let anyone else tell u otherwise

anyway, do u have deji's no or address(lag or jand). i could make a couple of phone calls on your behalf, that way he dont do it to someone else again. he needs to be thought a lesson. i'm serious about this

REDRIBS said...

lol @ anuboy. I wasn't gon' believe the story either. u know Ex is actually good at packaging stories. But I'm happy it all went well at the end. Never heard of someone not seeing her period for 4 months and it won't be pregnancy. Ur case is a miracle, u should thank God every day for it. 'nufluv

Where the hell is that idiot that's giving us boys a bad name sef?

Nyemoni said...

I wish you'd said it was fictitious...I'm soory about that and I hope your healing is complete... Seriously though something needs to be done about these random men who go about molesting pepole

Nyemoni said...

people*

temmy tayo said...

This is gripping.

Ugo Daniels said...

HOld up, seriously, IS this for real? I'll be damned.

Wtf is wrong with some guys raping a gal. I mean, where's the fun? :(

So sorry for your troubles. Be strong and take heart. At the very least, it opened your eyes to the maniacal tendecies of some guys when in enclosed spaces with girls.

I know depression, severe anxiety, and stress can cause a cease in the 'monthly fever' Another thing is if you've been taking Contraceptives.

Do have a lovely day. All da best!

A Kel called Wonder ...... said...

OMG! WAT... I headed straight for the end to find out if it was a dream. That guy should be smacked. He is very lucky u dont have people like my uncle's in Germany hummmm he would have......... anyway he deserves to be MIA since he has no fear.

And thanks for stopping by at my blog, am glad ur obviously over this episode to blog about it.

Pink-satin said...

i think u should heed ibo dudes call!even if na only to threaten d boy!give d idiot small body..okay i shud officially get off ur page i have commented(is that correct english) like 3x already

Life through rose-tinted glasses said...

Gosh Liade i was just going to ask if u made this up then i read ur reply

i'm really sorry to hear about it the whole time i was reading it i was praying that at the end you say its a joke or something

babe at least it makes u stronger person, you'll learn from it and be careful...be easy babe

~Mimi~ said...

exschoolnerd

do u know i actually thought you were telling a story till i finished reading and didnt see any 'to be continued' or 'inside my head' ish..

hhmm babe, well done, you're stronger to be able to share this.

36 INCHES OF BROWN LEGS said...

Ex dear, na so i begin read this story dey think say na one of those your, and d moral of the stroy is EX is just a good story teller, whne i didnt see that at the end i had to go back up to read it again, im so sorry this happened and it must have taken a lot to put this up here, i guess u r much stronger than even u know!! Deji or whatever his name his will surely get whats coming to him. take care babes

יש (Yosh) said...

GOLLY! I guess this is one of the similar stories that almost got me in trouble with you once...the earlier days of when we met on Xanga...but I know better now than not to believe.

Sorry about this and glad it's all history...

Like I always say-NEVER AGAIN!!!

Omotayo said...

Hmm so U finally blog about this..U know U are a winner. Keep being strong and don't even waste energy disliking (or hating) the guy, na waste of emotions. Take care of U. Cheers

Anonymous said...

GOD PUNISH DEJI IN JESUS NAME FOREVER AND EVER AMEN!

Whew...I got that off my chest. This story is way too common in Nigeria and it gets me really riled.
Exschool nerd I hope you are OK.

Anonymous said...

PS.write his full name so it will beofficially out on the internet that Deji what the f@#k is his name is a RAPIST. EEEDIOT!

omohemi Benson said...

I was scared for you reading this,
I cannot begin to imagine the whole guilt and trauma you would have put yourself through.
Thank God for your friends and the bloke you hade then, that he believed you and supported you.

I agree, alwaysa listen to the voice within, call it whatever, instincts,spirit,whatever, just listen.

Glad you are safe and I admire your courage.

uknaija said...

I was reading this and hoping it was fiction...

Bubbles said...

I'm so sorry u had to go through that. Thank God u didn't get pregnant. I totally agree with what you said about trusting ur instincts.

Fatima said...

wow...very touching..wish u all the best and rmbr what goes around comes around...it will get back at him...one day!!just have that at the back of ur mind...cheers girl
xoxo

BiMbyLaDs** said...

no this isnt real? is it.. awww... im soo sorry! why? shyt! its soo unfair!! aww...

BiMbyLaDs** said...

this is making me soo angry i had to come back. I pray that God will take vengance on Deji unless he repents..


take care of u girl, and brave you for sharing. luv u

BiMbyLaDs** said...

i came back here because i cant get it out of my mind... im so upset................

please expose this guy.... wats his reAL NAME??

Pink-satin said...

yes EXPOSE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pink-satin said...

on 2nd thots!er.....hmmmn.maybe not!if u wan expose him..na police station make u go do that one!

exschoolnerd said...

read all ur comments...thnx

i feel like the boy that cried wolf..maybe i tell too many stories...that sometimes real life stuff seem unbelieveable.But ive not been able to put this up since it happened last yr..cause i just cudnt then..bt ive moved on and just thnk God it didnt result in me being preggers....


About deji i definately know he will get his..o sure ju!

psykotikdiva said...

ex i'm really sorry you went through this, i know how it feels, u and i were both lucky we had people who cared about us enuff to stay wiv us nd help us thru it. this shit happens to alot of people especially in naij cus the guys think there are no consequences,i hope people would change the way they see things and stop turning the victim into the accused.

Kaydee said...

What tha f!!!!!!!!!! Who the hell is Deji and where his crib @?I'll just help U put a hole on his d**k and that's all.He's a muthaf!!!!!!!
Ur boyfriend is kool but he's too lazy and a real coward.He would be silent still if it had happened to ur daughter.
U're ma best friend,i will do anything U want me to do to that fool,just give me the order and he'll be sorry for life.Lemme save all this braggin,give the order and see if i really mean it.I know U won't give the order but just point his crib.Aight!I'ma holla @ ya ryte now!

Mrs Somebody said...

Hey girl.......at first I was enjoying the story,then it was becoming too serious and I scrolled down to finish it off at the end still hoping it was a joke.I'm so sorry about this.He already had a condom on?My goodness that guy will still rot with or without a condom.

Chude! said...

Wow. I have just finished doing a story on this subject and then seeing this makes me feel something beyond anger ... but like you said, you've gone through it - and you're stronger. Thank God.

I actually tagged you before reading this - but will understand if you're not up to it yet though.

Warm regards babe!
Chude

In my head and around me said...

I actually went to the bottom of the page thinking that this has to be an excerpt of some book.

Intuitive perception can never be over rated.

sTeLlAsGrOoVe said...

wow!!!....i thot the end of the story wud say u were joking but wow wow wow am i shocked that people still rape pple in thses present times in broad day light.GOD will punish deji,he will surely get whats coming to him,stupid idiot!!
u takecare n be strong ok?i am feeling ur honesty bigt time.hit me back!

BabaAlaye said...

Someone called my attention to this.
Aburo, let's talk about this okay? You know how to reach me.
I'll deal ruthlessly with the idiot.

Anonymous said...

Write the f#$%kers real name here, and let's have a chat with him wherever he is. Prolly start with stripping the skin off his face and let him feel real pain, he really does deserve such punishment. Sorry, I can't use my name here.

Baroque said...

RAPE again??? SHIT! ...well, it happens, so sorry; you know how disaster calls & we answer! my dear be strong, you'll be fine

Anonymous said...

Gaddemmit. For a man in this day and age to invite a grown woman to his house in the stark light of day, for the sole purpose of raping her...just goes to show how lax Nigeria still is about rape...that a man could be so bloody confident in his actions and feel no remorse whatsoever.

@ Baroque, rape should never be a subject that one says ''it happens'' about. Rain happens, tax happens, shit happens. Rape doesn't just happen and we must never get complacent about it. In fact, someone was joking about this Deji guy in another blog entry but I didn't really understand what they were saying until I read this one. Foolish idiot.

Laide, my words prob won't do anything towards making you feel better but I feel really sorry for what happened. God knows that I've been saved from situations that I knew full-well I shouldn't have been in but I didn't follow my instincts. I'm sending positive thoughts your way.