I just discovered that not only mad people go about saying ‘hungry hungry’ in dirty, tattered clothes with unkempt hair and putrid body odour. They are some other people who seem normal but have totally gone mad.
See me see wahala o! I was going home jejely feeling somewhat angry I don’t remember why now, me and my friend deji had a lil tiff and I was sorta angry and all so as I was making my way to take a bus home when I saw this suit wearing, tortoise resembling, man following me closely.
“I just wanna talk to u, I just want to make u a model. Please sister, pls I just wanna know ur name..my name is abi…warreva I cant fucking remember the retards name…
I just kept walking cause I wasn’t even in the mood and anything I say would come out as a slap…not in words...and he was exhibiting some traits of a mad person so I just jejely entered a bus, he entered the same bus and sat beside me.
Shift now, somebody else wants to enter…he said no that he was with me. I looked at him “u are with who?
Okay so I wanted to pay for my fare and the conductor was like I no get change I no get change talking their usual nonsense, and he just shouted “Conductor shebi I don pay for her now, shebi I don pay” I was like shuoo….the way he shouted ull think he was fighting with the conductor, everybody was now staring at him. I was like which kain madman be this.
He brought out one yeye popcorn he bought and started munching on it, offered me some I said I didn’t want. He started offering everybody in the bus even the conductor. Minutes later he picks up his fone and called an imaginary person even a fool will know he wasn’t talking to anyone he was like “Tope by the time I get home I don’t want to see you there, I am in charge now, yes I am incharge”…he cut the imaginary call and started asking me questions I just turned my face the other way.
He kept on munching on the popcorn, annoyingly pouring some on my body. i have never wanted to slap someone like I wanted to do him at that point in time.
Finally I got to my destination he got down too…I crossed the road, he crossed the road too..and started following me all the way….
“I like u, I like your stature, ur tall and big and u look intelligent. I can make u a model.
Ehn..u can make me a model in what agency “crazy are us” please leave me alone I don’t know u and stop following me.
You are going to be my wife, by the grace of God I just know it…u are going to be my wife. Oh I have found my wife. Ah u are lucky…u are very lucky.
Why don’t I get some hot Reggie Jones lookalike, tailing me around Lagos telling me that I am his wife and he must marry me. Why do I have to get the weirdo’s following me around?
I just hissed and was now convinced that I had a mad stalker…where is pepper spray or a tazer when u need one..make do some damage to his yeye ass and leave him lying on the road long enough for me to escape without him following me.
He followed me to my area and offered to pay for me a second time I told the driver not to collect the money that I was capable of paying for my self…he started singing u are my African queen shaking his head that looked very much like that of a tortoise as I stared at it from the back I just wanted to hit the bloody thing so his brain can turn the right side up. …I couldn’t resist laughing.
I got down and wanted to surf the net so I entered a café he followed me inside and insisted on paying for me I told the dude at the café that I could pay by myself. He came to sit beside me…..i was so so angry and disgusted…all the way from Maryland oh this man followed me to ketu….ayo called me and i went outside to receive the call he followed me….if I go to the left he’ll follow me if I turn right he’ll follow me…I just lost it and started shouting on him on the road and people were staring….i was so angry. I had to cut the call cause the wereh wouldn’t leave me alone.
I went inside the café again and he started telling people some stuff about me, and then he picked up his fone to do his imaginary cally again…
”Tope why are u doing things to make me angry, u are driving me away, u didn’t buy the foodstuffs, the microwave where is it, I cant find anything, I love u baby, u know I love u…I love u sweety….i love u my darling..i love u” and on and on he went…everybody in the café was visibly disgusted and tired and wanted him to just leave…he got up and started singing and dancing to a song being played on t.v and I think someone asked him if he was okay….after a while he started saying “Bullshit!” bullshit! Probably referring to me…..and he walked away…and we all had a good laugh when he went.
I thank God he saved me from the madness that was that man, who knows what he was capable of.
A naija girl living in South Africa
and a man who loves his orobo women www.wavemasta.blogspot.com
..please show them some love.