I caught my t.v debut today..didnt go that bad...apart from the fact that at times i was acting like someone who suffered from down syndrome..id say it went pretty good..no boobies showing...but i found out i have the face of a five year old...i look like a small child in a big body..but sall good.
Me and segun are just school buddies, we are not that close, we don’t stay awake talking to each other about dildo’s, life and everything in between like i do with obinna.
He’s one of those people who always have everything right, assignments done, notes complete, they always know a lot of people and can always help you one way or the other. Sometimes you need those kind of people around you, although they make people like me seem so unserious but what do I care. I have got segun.
We started talking after he asked me for a pen, I guess asking for a pen means ‘we can be friends’ from where he comes from but hey I have no problem with it. I actually think he was God sent, God sent him to me because he knew I was an unserious child. Thank you Lord.
Anyways segun thinks himself a fine boy…ahah…what is it. Didn’t I get the memo…does fine boy mean another thing nowadays, except the meaning has changed last I checked you have to actually be fine to be a fineboy…or is he talking about inner fineness? Ko ma ye mi sha (I don’t understand)
Segun is that kind of dude that thinks he’s the best thing since vibrators…oh puhleeze! but sadly it’s not the case. They are cursed with illusions of coolness. And come at you with every word they just learnt from their “desperately trying to be cool dictionary”…he wants u to know that he’s up there among the big boys, like I could give a fuck…that he parties too, even though he doesn’t look like the typical kind of partae hard, player type of boy he wants you to know he’s all that…tryna impress the wrong girl segun.
So this very day like always I had a problem and I called segun who had a problem too..made me feel better bout my problem actually. So we both went to senate to sort it out. Anyways while segun was toasting some 40 something year old woman who just kept blushing, sharp sharp she helped him solve his problem…women sha! If it was me now..she’ll eye me and tell me to get out just cause some young dude is giving u the eye u didn’t waste time helping him…tufia! Anyways it’s the same thing with men and young girls…just show some cleavage and if ur at the back of the line…you’ll be brought to the front…and no am not speaking from experience.
I love reading people’s text msgs…gives a lil insight into their life. So while segun was toasting old mama youngy I read his text msgs cause he gave me his fone…there were a couple from a particular girl….the girl can shell sha…her texts cracked me up. i think I wrote it down…I swear I am, jobless..there was one that was like
“Segun my love, I have think about the thing u say, its not that I don’t want to make sex with u, I am just scared, but will it pain me? I hope I will not get belle..
“I know u have do it before, but I have not I am only 17 but I can allow you to touch my breast and body”
Lol…cracked me up but I pity the girl sha, I almost copied her number so I can tell her to run so she doesn’t end up being another hit and run victim…but the heffer in me…the voice in me..i call her my heffer…she was like gbegborun…who send u msg, olofo better mind yer business…so I just backed off..hopefully she wont succumb to his silly sexual advances…I was once like her…young and daft..except I didn’t tiyaun that much…okay am sorry am laffing at her gram mistakes…am an English major for crissakes..they stick out like a sore thumb..
Anyways I had to collect this form from segun to photocopy so we went to his room, gen ge…in the past going to guys rooms have caused me one wahala or the other…I remember in my first year…I call them ‘the didirin years’ there was this boy in my class I started talking to cause he seemed like he had a good head on his shoulders unlike the other dudes…one day like this he said I should come and chill in his room so we could just talk..wetin do the million and one places outside that we could talk nothing..but I followed him thinking “oh what a nice nice boy!…not knowing “operation press one girl in classes breast had commenced” ..you know your first year, the first idiot that shows interest in you, ur belle go dey sweet…. the nice boy i knew in class changed oh…there was only one bed in his room, no clothes or anything.. I come begin dey fear,shey na person room be this..abi na sexual slaughter house wey una dey bring all ur didrin girls…we sat down to talk next thing…he’s creeping up on me, shoving his groin area in my face..tryna get on top of me..oluwa o! I was like what is it…get up! get up!
I stand up..i remember my mum has to pick me from my hostel…and am here trying to not get raped. As I try to make for the door..he grabs my shirt and it tears..a big gaping hole stares back at me…how will I go now..what will I tell my mum..anyways I rush out of the room like someone who just escaped from the hands of ritualists..panting, crying, trying to hide the hole in my shirt from prying eyes…ran to my hostel outside school..from that day I vowed never to go to any dudes room, the next day in class I heard he slept with me. Sleepers club. we never spoke sha. He wishes!!!
Anyways I looked at segun first….i thought to myself I can take him on if he tries anything….as I was chilling for him…I heard someone shouting from outside ‘segun mo ri e o, ori e oda sha…ori e o da’ …I was like I hope its not his mumcy o! mo ma rogo…cause guys mums never seem to like me I haven’t the slightest idea why…then the person enters his room and she kept saying “Segun ori e o da, ori e o da…so gbo ori e oda ra ra ra..and she just kept saying it (segun ur head is not correct, can u hear me, your head is not correct x 20)
She looked like she might be his girlfriend..I was like wetin! If there was a slight chance his head was even correct, after all the things she has said I doubt it will be…chill out missy…I said hi to her she looked at me and turned away as if it was a cockroach that just flew past…shet! Na me do mistake greet am…ode…local champion oshi… …she shouted on him some more and they spoke in Yoruba, some stuff I could understand and she stormed out.
I called segun “come yellow paw paw”. I hope its not because of me she’s acting like wire wey dey spark…cause u know girls they think every other girl is out to snatch their man. Wetin I wan snatch for ur body sef…u wey resemble rat wey fall inside bleach, better tell her sha, cause I don’t want any body to pour acid on me for something I don’t know about…
Immediately she stormed back in, fear catch me abi she go bring acid true true…I calmed down when I found out she came back for her bag….little does she know that I am the least of her problems…she should read his texts and find out, no come pour sand sand for my garri oh.
I finally collected the form from segun and I was about to leave when segun held my hand and was like “Stay now, just stay for a while…u know its because of u my girlfriend left and we were supposed to * he smiles like a pervert *…first of all ewww ewww ewww, second of all too much friggin information, thirdly ori e o da true true…. I just hissed and walked out..stay ko stay ni.
Ill see u in school next week..he probably reckons himself some kinda player…yeye boi.
Do u think I am using him?
I had a nice day though.