Oya make all of una con down! Con down!
“Officer any problem?” asks one of the occupants of the car.
U go soon know sey problem dey, comot jor!
They all hurry out quickly.
“How many una be!” he says as he counts them.
“Five! That’s very good”
“Where are you coming from at this time of night?”
“We’re coming from school!” One of them answers.
“The school no get name? You never hear say Fashola say make we dey arrest any yeye girls wey we see for road after 10:00pm?”
“But we are returning from classes, and we are going home we haven’t done anything wrong”
“Who tell you so, na me go determine that one! Hace!” he calls out to two other officers.
“You these ashawos!”
Look officer I am a married woman I am not an ashawo neither are these other girls, we are evening students and we just finished our lectures and we are heading home”
“Shurrup! Married woman what are you doing outside at this time, wetin u dey go school go learn the one wey u don learn never do you. You don give baby breast, u wan go school at this time of the night?
“Officer please mind your mouth oh!” She answers angrily.
“I go chook this my batton inside that your nose! Common will you shurrup!”
“What is all this!” he says referring to the rolls of flesh underneath the shirt spilling out of jeans if one of the girls.
He shakes his head in disbelief.
“See this one as e cari tyre for waist but im follow go wear show me ur belly, shey na ur kain belle we wan see?”
“But officer this is harassment now, none of us here are dressed indecently why are you just holding us up”
”Look I have warned you already, na me go determine whether u dress decently abi u no dress decently”
“Oya one by one make una just bend dey touch your toes”
“Ah! Touch our toes for what officer”
“Bend down begin dey touch your toes now now, before I blascatter una head one by one, if I just see pant comot from your yansh na straight to panti and una wey tie rope, wetin be that rope rope thing again”
“String! Abi g-string” answers the other officer.
“Ehen una wey wear g-string for here, your own don finish, three days inside panti, after that time if u see g-string u go pick race, na inside panti sef dem go help you tearam comot..foolish girls!”
“Oya ale le bend down!”
“Ah ah! See this one as he just assume position, no be today u don dey bend like this shey. Ah ashaaaaaaawo! Infact officer I no even wan examine dis one again na prostitute go carry am put for vehicle.
“But na you talk sey make we bend now!
“Na u sey make me bend down” he mimics her in a retarded child-like voice.
“Wo! Carry am go car jare.
“Dis one wey we no fit no who be ashawo and who no be ashawo anymore because of the way una dey dress, the era of ‘after the bum bum knicker’, ‘show me your belly shirt’ and ‘hol yansh jeans’ has ended.
“ E don do! all does your spaghetti and indomie wey una dey wear e go stop today, by the time una don spend time for panti and dem don box u well well….ur eyes go clear”.
“Na wa for dis country o! d tin wey dem dey take person eye see” one of the girls lament.
“Wetin you don see! Shey na because dem don begin to dey catch all of una…infact God bless Fashola make we rid this lagos of all these yama yama girls!
Oya! You bend down…Ehn stand up..u nko?
“Officer I no go bend down lai lai”
“Ehen married woman! Wo fidelis carry am make e go join im second, e no see as e resemble scorpion”
“U nko! U wan go join am too…oya carry dis one too. Maybe im no even wear pant sef.
Oya small ashawo’s wey remain una wan go join dem too.Okay follow go na panti una go kuku sleep dis night.
“Jonas! Dem just message me sey make we go ojuelegba side sey one robbery dey happen dere sey some police men don already dey dere but dem no dey enough”
“Amadioha scatter that ur mouth, make we go where? Go accost robbers make dem quench dis life wey I just dey manage. The police wey dey dere don do abeg make we dey go jo”
“Dem talk sey dey need more officers sey make we report there immediately”
“I don go check the day wey I go die, see u….no be today. But if u wan go sha, na ur lucky…u no kuku get wife an pikin no body go miss u. All does ur chicken wey u dey keep for house na me go go takam, do Christmas, New year and Easter witham, no worry dey go”
“Wetin we go come talk wen dey sey why we no go dere”
“Look we are addressing more important issues here! No ask me any question jare…where dat bornfool wey dem call sheriff, make e com start car jare!”
“I dey come I dey piss for here” he calls out from behind a fence.
“Na only piss piss u know, u don piss today like five taims…I sure sey u dey piss for bed, make u do quick make we dey go jare!
“Fidelis, na u go drive this their car follow us for back”
“Officer please now! Please officer my mother will be worried please”
“Your mama see you dey comot for house like dis she no waya u with koboko! Na im causam now, make im cry small”
“But there is nothing wrong with what I have on now!”
“Eh eh! Hmmm…shebi u no fit bend down..okay now, carry dat my name comot from ur mouth jare.
“But officer we bent down now!”
“Ehen! What are you doing out at this time of the night? What? No decent lady will be out by this time.
“But there is no law that says that we can’t be out by this time and we were returning from school, this is my i.d card”
“Carry dat thing comot from my eye level before I takam fling for gutter, e hard to get i.d card, abeg leave dat thing… no cry o! no just cry for here”
They get to panti in no time and the officer orders them all out of the car and marches them into the police station.
“Ah bros! you don come back.”
“Yes o! oya make u go put all these girls inside that cell shey e still dey empty”
“No o! me and Ja-mis(james) catch one man for road wey no wear belt”
“Please when has it been an offence not to wear belt!” he bellows from inside a cell.
“This is a gross violation of our human rights and flagrant abuse of power. This is very wrong and I wont stand for it”
“Ah ! oloyinbo…infact shey una don givam fone make e call im family? he asks one of the officers at the station.
“Good! Next tomorrow na im anybody go know were u dey.Idiot!!”
“Ehen and we carry one orobo woman lik dis, ah dat woman get powa o she nearly wound jamis…e con begin dey shout sey im husband na polis na polis na im I con talk sey wetin consine me, e husband na polis e no tellam sey make e no comot for dis kain time…n im and im daughter I carry for road o! Ah if u see d kain wahala dem give us ehn, we beat dem ehn!!!
“Dem dey inside?”
He goes over to peep into the cell.
“Ah papa!” one of the girls cry out from inside the cell
“Papa! Na u be that”
“Chineeeeeeke! Ngozi wetin u dey do dere”
“Mama dey here o! im no fit stand up” she cried out
“Ah! Na ur pikin be dat?”
“See dis bloody fool oh! Na my pikin una go carry put for cell”
“Ah ! Nnena mo! Wetin dem do ur face, stand up now…ah u no fit?”
“God don cash u!” one of the girls say excitedly
But seriously jokes apart what is happening in Nigeria, the last time i checked they must have constituional power to undertake something like this which i am very sure they don't have,they has been no law passed on indecent dressing and without such a law people are free to dress to their taste.The police have misplaced priorities,instead of trying to comabt the menace that are the touts that harass us on a daily basis and the rampant robbery cases all over lagos...i mean one in every 4 people i know has been robbed.WHAT EXACTLY ARE THEY DOING ABOUT THIS? The arresting of women for supposedly dressing indecently can't be justified and it should be called off immediately..I heard they came into unilag to arrest girls in the faculty of social sciences...i mean whats happening.Arresting dudes with dreadlocks...thats ridiculous!!!
And also on the issue of Covenant university subjecting their students to HIV and pregnancy tests before can graduate.First of all HIV tests are voluntary..nobody should be forced to take them..and the results should be made known to only the person...this is so not right...i think this is something university regulatory body NUC should look into.
I don taya sha!
the person i am the most scared for is him
God help him.