This post was inspired by PRINCESA'S post with the same title.
Just leaving the house
My body: U need to fart a.s.a.p
Me: Why didn’t u tell me when I was in the house, shebi we just left now now.
My body : U didn’t need to fart then, u need to now, so sue me!
Me: stop giving me attitude
My body: Stop imagining attitude
Me: do u expect me to fart on the road?
My body: Na u sabi just sha do and fart
Me: No I will hold it, till I get back home
My body: At 6pm, dem swear for u?
Me: I got this, don’t worry.
In the bus
My body: Omo u really really need to fart
My body: as a heart attack
Me: But we were just standing at the bustop, why didn’t u tell me then, do u expect me to fart in the bus.
My body: Blame it on the fat one…
My body: wait I forgot ur the fat one!
Me: You are trying me, I will so give you a slap you will never forget
My body: Ha! How funny will it look, when people see u slapping urself..go ahead bish..make my day!
Me: Let me get to school, I will branch to the toilet and slap the hell out of u.
My body: Its coming, it s coming, it coming..AHAH!
Me: Stop it oh! Stop that rough play…stop loosening my ass muscles this minute.
My body: Hehehehe…
Me: But what has been up with u lately…why do I always have this urge to fart…nowadays..before farting was like a twice a week thingy .
My body: Is that what u tell urself “Oh I don’t fart a lot” is that what makes u sleep better at night.Your asking me? what do u eat?
Me: do I even eat sef, is it not when I get home by 6pm that anything gets into my mouth.
My body: yes oh, meanwhile tell that your worwor friend I said thank u for saying I had lost weight…but did he have to add the “Thank your God u have lost weight, like if I hadn’t he was going to produce a needle and burst me.
Me: Thank him urself….
My body: Mchew!!! Its coming its coming…
Me: Its sweeting u now to play, if that thing just comes out…I won’t even mind…I will punch all ur stomach ehn….
My body: Mumu like u wont feel the pain…
Me: u more than I sha…
At school, in critical analysis class
My body: u need to mess, fart, pollute the hair, let one rip….anyone u understand u need to do it na na na..u know wen I start tlking like waffi I am dead serious…na na na!
Me:Have u lost ur Gaddarn mind!Oh wait that’s me…anyways cant u see am in class…
My body: Wetin consain conductor with person wey leave purse for house…to be forewarned is to be forearmed…gat any mouth spray or body spray in ur bag..so immediately it comes out..u can just spray to quench the deadly smell
Me: Thunda faya u…idiot!
My body: Just excuse yourself and go out and just let it out…let ur people go..lol
Me: I can’t, I say I got this, I can hold it till I get home, I know I can.
My body: Oh yeah, u also need to eat..u hear that rumbling in ur tummy…
Me: if I wound u, how many things do u want me to do…abeg free me.
My body: I will free u, oh yes I will!(in a whisper)
Me: what did u say?
My body: Nothing
Me: I thought so.
Fifteen minutes later….
A farting sound like no other that sounds like
“Supercalifragalisticespialidocious” is heard…and the smell…..is even worse!!!!!!!
So people scamper for safety!!! Last time they heard anything like that was during cantonment bombing.
Every body looks at me.
Me: (referring to body) Jesu! What did u just do.
My body: je na pais anglais….tu le parlez vous les…dimanche avec vous?
Me: (referring to class)…It’s…it’s my body (and realizing how stupid that sounds afterwards)
Okay the last bit is actually a figment of my own wild imagination…which I actually pray never happens..but the bit before it truly does happen…and I want to just clarify some issues…I know I talk about farting a lot..but no its not one of my hobbies or talent…so those of u scared to meet me or who have the impression that am like a walking fart-bomb…don’t be scurred…lol…I don’t fart like that!
Meanwhile people pls check out this site...A friend of mine lost a friend of his recently,he shot himself with is dads gun, in his parents room.He left suicide notes for members of his family, and including his supervisor, a frustrated bastard called mr adewumi, in the dept of comp sciences unilag. I dont support suicide, but im sure he was frustrated out of his mind, by his supervisor. Tomi hadnt graduated since 2004 and this is the blog created by his friends and is dedicated to Tomi "turing" sonaikes memory. I will still blog about this issue..but just check out the site TOMI
this is so sad..and i cud cry.