Thursday, 27 September 2007

STORY STORY! STORRRRRRRRRRRRRRY!!!


(Okay so this is my last post until after my exams (I hope)….wish me luck!
I wrote this story two nights ago and like 80% is based on true events (my life), the rest is fictional. If you like u could try figuring out what’s fact and what’s fiction (I am in no way implying u are jobless) Enjoy and feel free to leave comments on what you thought about it
Tata!!! blogville friends..yall will be missed.)




Fikayo checked her appearance in her full length mirror the tenth time.

“I hate this!” she muttered shaking her head disapprovingly,taking of the beige satin top and tossing it among the others that didn’t make the cut.

“I’ve tried like what, ten things now and I still look fat in all of them” she mumbled to her self in fustration.

Black! Where’s that my black top, she thought, rummaging through the neatly folded clothes in her wardrobe in her usual harum-scarum manner. She had a knack of making a mess out of everything, relationships included. Her room looked a terrible mess and so did her love life. There were clothes on the door, strewn on the bed, all because she was going on a date, a blind date she reminded herself.

She met him online, him being Gbenga. He seemed like the sort of person she’d be interested in getting to know. But she knew these damned dates and how badly they always turned out when the two parties finally met. Online it was nice and they got along but when they finally get together it all goes horribly wrong.

She had been on many before so she was sort of an expert with these things. Some had gone well and others had gone bad, really really bad. She had been stood up, she had stood others up. She has been bored to tears, laughed, cried, had a one night stand. The word was expert. She preferred it to the monotonousness of meeting people in real life, online dating always did for her and she realized she had sort of become addicted.

She smiled as she remembered Geoffrey. The one who brought a chess board on their date and droned on and on about the history of chess. If he only knew how much she wanted to shove one of the pieces into his mouth. They never spoke again after the date, and she was pretty okay with that. And there was Tekena, the epitome of the word cuteness, when she saw him she knew she’d have sex with him and they did, oh they did. He called the other day, wanted her to come over.

Am guessing not to talk about world peace she thought.


She finally settled on something to wear, not too low cut so she didn’t look like a five naira slut, not too covered up either she reminded herself. Just the right amount of skin showing. The red wrap-around blouse was a winner. Now if she could only find something to go with it, she stared into her wardrobe half expecting some mysterious hand to reach out and hand her the perfect thing to go with her blouse. She couldn’t make a decision and finally decided to go with her favourite denim pants, it always brought her luck, maybe it would send Mr. right, well not exactly but at least Mr. charming, good-looking, I-can-hold-a-sensible-conversation and-I-wont-stare-at-your-breasts-or-others-breasts-just-minding-their-business her way this time.

She took one final glance at herself in the mirror and liked what she saw, searched for her bag under the heap of clothes on her bed and rushed out of her apartment hurriedly.

Her phone rang just as she got into her car. Caller i.d read Gbenga.

“Hello! Gbenga what’s up?

“Yeah am on my way, are you there already? She asked

“Okay no worries I’ll see you then, what will you be wearing?

“A white shirt and jeans” she repeated.

“Okay! bye”

She wondered for a while how he probably looked. She had stopped imagining how her blind-dates looked when she realized no matter how hot and juicy she imagined her date to be that wasn’t always the case. Like Emeka who turned out to be a pot-bellied, forty-five year old father of two. A far cry from the fit, six pack having twenty something year old she thought he was and all this she deduced from his voice. He had a pack all right, only it was packing 6years or more of alcohol and peppersoup consumption. So she was better of not imagining, but she couldn’t help it, maybe he looks like a young Tevin Campbell she thought and hissed afterwards.

“Tevin Campbell ko, Tevin Campbell ni, I can fool myself sometimes sha” she mumbled to herself.

She arrived at the fast food place twenty minutes later. She always hated meeting at places like these but being an expert a neutral ground was always the best choice. Somewhere where she could scream and be heard if he turned out to be a psycho.
She entered and took a seat in a secluded corner while she glanced around for a white shirt and black pant wearing dude. There were two guys who fitted the bill, she tried calling Gbenga’s number to know which one of them he was. But network problems meant she couldn’t get through.

She walked up to one of them.

“Am sorry but am supposed to meet someone here, he told me he’d be wearing a white shirt are you Gbenga?”

“Eh, no” he replied and shook his head with a sorry look on his face,

“But I could be Gbenga if u like” he said smiling

“Thank you” she said as she walked away.

And I could be your wife! You idiot with a ring on your finger.

The other guy was in the midst of friends so she ruled him out as Gbenga. You don’t bring friends to a blind-date or any first date for that matter she thought.

Her thoughts where interrupted by a tap on her shoulder. She turned around to see an attractive looking guy with the whitest set of teeth smiling at her. And he was wearing a cream shirt not white.

“Hi” she blurted out. “Gbenga right?”

“Yeah” he replied taking the seat opposite her.

“For a minute there I thought you stood me up” she said

“Now why would I go and do that and miss out on meeting you” He replied smiling

“I take it you are not disappointed” she asked

“No! I am not”

“Neither am I, usually these things go horribly wrong”

“I see this isn’t your first time”

“No it isn’t “she replied embarrassed

“Well its not like I do it a lot, this is probably my third blind date” she lied in an attempt to save face.

“Can I get you a drink” Gbenga asked reaching into his pocket for his wallet.

“Yeah sure, a sprite will do”

“So you’re a sprite fan too, this is a match made in heaven” he said as he stood up and walked to the counter.

“Not quite yet” she mumbled under her breathe.

But as he walked away she couldn’t help being grateful she wasn’t stuck with a schmuck this time! Finally somebody with a personality that actually looks sumptuous. Hmmm hmm hmm this is going to be good. How did I get so lucky, I am never this lucky. Okay Fikayo cool down! Don’t get your hopes up, it’s just the beginning of the date. Oh he’s coming back.

“Here!” he handed her a bottle of sprite and sat down with his.

“So what’s your full name?”

“Fikayo dada and you?”

“Gbenga!”

“ osho!” he says misprouncing it as “o-show”

“O-SHO!!!” Fikayo repeats pronouncing it properly

“All you ajebo’s that can’t pronounce your names, pronouncing it like some omo ibo”

He laughs.

“And what does Gbenga Osho do?

“Hmm..Well the x-men weren’t recruiting, the fantastic four said I’d cramp their style and fantastic five didn’t sound as cool, and unable to leap two tall buildings in a single bound I settled for something a little more mind numbing”

“Which was?”

“It’s a bird. It’s a plane. Its super banker!...doesn’t flow right?”

“No it doesn’t” Fikayo replied trying to stifle her laughter.

“I work in a bank. Not my ideal job, I don’t get to save lives, well maybe I do in some way, more like asses but in the meantime it pays the bills”

“So what is your ideal job, apart from ur obvious super-hero aspirations?”

“Well I’d like to go into advertising, the creative aspect of it”

“Really! And what are you doing to make that a reality?”

“Am passing my C.V’s around, making contacts, basically everything I can”

“My brother works in an ad company maybe you guys could meet sometime”

“That’d be great, you see we haven’t meet for more than an hour and you already giving me contacts…..”

“Please don’t say a match made in heaven again” she cut in before he could finish.

“I know one thing about you though without you telling me?” she added

“Psychic are we? And what’s that?

“You are colour blind! You told me you’d be wearing a white shirt this is cream” she said grabbing the cuff of his shirt.

“Are you serious its cream, it looks white to me sha”

“So what else do you need to know about me, em I love cooking, am a pretty good cook for a guy. Love to travel, read a lot especially mystery but I read anything, not much of a movie person but I love love music. Huge soccer fan, my last girlfriend left me because she couldn’t handle my love for soccer. Live by myself in my small not-too-shabby apartment, am a very ambitious person, love life, life of the party, wherever I am there’s fun… that’s a little about me”

“A match made in heaven” fikayo says as he finished and they both start laughing.

“You cook and you actually love doing it? That’s nice. Am impressed!”

“So yeah enough about me, tell me about Fikayo”

“Fikayo is a boring ol’ fart”

“You’re kidding right” he replied laughing.

“Okay well I just graduated yay! and am waiting to get posted for service boo!”

“What uni did you finish from?”

“Unilag, studied Mass communication”

“Hmm!”

“Well what else, okay I love love love music, probably more than you do. I love movies unlike you, what planet are you from again? I hate cooking, love reading. love writing more than every other thing. Very creative, very weird, very short-tempered. Stop laughing! More of an introvert than an extrovert, but definitely not boring. Right now I live with my folks, could you detect the unhappiness in my voice when I said that last bit. Its torture staying with my folks, but till I can afford to pay my own bills I really have no choice.

“You could move in with me”

“Eh! I don’t think so”

“No, not what you think, like a roommate or something”

“No! thank you, my folks will have none of that…I can almost hear my mom.”You want to move in with a man, when you are not married. O ti ya wereh ni? Abi iru nonsense lo fe lo se ni be”

“Are you serious? Does she talk like that?

“Worse!”

They talked some more for an hour, both of them visibly enjoying each others company, laughing heartily and flirting for the world to see. It was almost like they’d known each other all their lives. It was impossible to tell they just met that day. They finally decided to call it a day.

“Fikayo! I think I mistakenly deleted your number from my phone records mind giving it to me again?

“Sure! It 080-23-072-074”

“Got it! Ill call later tonight” he said as they both walked out.

“It was really lovely meeting you” he said

“Same here” she replied and they both got into their cars and she watched him while he drove away.

Minutes later she got a text message.

That was quick she thought.

“I waited for an hour for you at Biggs expecting you to show up but you stood me up. If that’s the kind of person you are then am glad I didn’t meet you. Gbenga.”

She recognized the number, she was confused all of a sudden.

“Mr biggs! I thought he said tantalizers!” she said out loud.

She called his number but he didn’t pick up.

If I didn’t meet Gbenga who did I meet. She was visibly shaken by the turn of events Thoughts of the whole incident filled her head all through the night.

The next morning she was woken up by a text.

I know by now the real Gbenga has called you, I was so lucky he didn’t call you while we were together yesterday. You probably hate me and you have every reason too, but I saw you yesterday and something just clicked, I just had to meet you and when I heard you asking some dude about a Gbenga, I guessed you probably hadn’t seen him before. I thought I’d just play along and act as him. I had the most wonderful time yesterday and you’re such an amazing girl. Am sorry but I don’t regret doing what I did, cause I met you, my name’s Chinedu and every other thing I told you about me was true. Please reply if am forgiven I really do want to know you.

She couldn’t help smiling.

She hit the reply button.

26 comments:

Allied said...

Nice... i loved it!

bumight said...

lol, nice story. I actually also had a blind date whose idea of a date was playing chess, and when we got tired of that, proceeded to lecture me about chess for another hour!

Zephi said...

hit reply button ke?
ok maybe if we really clicked I might give hime a chance

dang I reallly see the twist coming, you great writer and a wild imagination...it was like I was there watching you guys...

Ok so let me guess, you've gone on a couple of dates with folks from online...

Naapali said...

Good straight story. Our comedienne can play it serious too. Not very surprising or tense though. Now if they had gone somewhere and stirred things up before the revelation, that would add more of a twist to the "should I call him or shoot him" dilemma.

Anonymous said...

brilliant as usual Laide.........i really enjoyed it.good luck wit ur examsssssss we'll sure miss u

princesa said...

Talk about divine providence!
I guess she was destined to meet Chinedu...the real gbenga sounds like bad news anyway.

Interesting piece.

Good luck with the exams gurl!

36 INCHES OF BROWN LEGS said...

nice one babes!!

Arewa said...

Good luck in ur exams hon....!!

Good read....i liked it. I love happy endings...x

Ozymandias said...

Brilliant post...very captivating...good luck with your exams..and don't forget to wow them !!

wavemasta said...

Nice story, and good luck in your exams gurl!
Give them hell!

Anonymous said...

Yeepa! Did not see that coming at all! Lovely twist. Wonder how the story will progress. Just one thing though: monotony, not monotonousness. Good luck with exams girly.

exschoolnerd said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
exschoolnerd said...

@ all... thnx for the comments and the exam wishes..appreciate it.

@anonymous...i actualy meant monotonousness not monotony....and thnx for the comment.

LurLar said...

Hmm nice twist nd happy ending.Good luck with ur exams,nd we sure going to miss ya.lol

Rayo said...

Whoa!! Nice, really nice. I loved the twist at the end.

Anonymous said...

you too dey tell story..tufiakwa!

NikkiSab said...

Lovely tales by blog spot. LOL!!!!
Goodluck in ur exams girl!!! c u soon.

femme said...

very nice and unexpected end. maybe a little sweet but a tad scary too.

Afrobabe said...

Love it, love it, love it....


ohhhhh wish it happened to me...he can be my Gbenga anytime....

This internet blind dates can be horendous, beleive me...I am also an expert...ehhhmmm I've only attended one oh...close ur mouth.

Olamild said...

Will be back to read this

Obinwanne said...

i like...infact i love the story...u can write such a good one....meanwhile goodluck in ur exams..u have to wish me back ooohhh.....cos im preparing for my exams as welll

יש (Yosh) said...

Lovely ending...U wanna be the Princess of Suspense, eh!? Nice going!

Atutupoyoyo said...

I enjoyed that. I think the only part that is fiction is the fact that 'Fikayo' likes Sprite. Everything else is true.

Best wishes for your exams. Ka iwe bi omo Ibo as my nan used to say.

CaramelD said...

I soooo knew something was up, when he asked for the number again!!! Good luck with your papers !!

Ugo Daniels said...

You really have very nice 'kissable' lips, can i have a bite ;)

How yu doing, lovely?

CATWALQ a.k.a LAGBA-JESS said...

BLIND DATES!!!!!!!!!
HMN.....