Sunday, 18 November 2007

My version of what transpired in the garden of Eden

lets go back....way back..back to the garden of Eden..where it all began.

Serpent(in ibo accent):bebe! fine bebe!

eve: (blushing) yes ke! bo ya can i help u?

serpent:nothing o! i am just admiring what a burriful beauty you are..and eh..u know a fine girl like you should be able eat whatever she pleases..even fruits from that tree.

eve: no o! baba God will be angry

serpent: bebe girllll! u see baba God ehn..he knows that if u eat that fruit u go soji like am, u would be wise and powerful like he is and he doesnt want that.If i were you i will eat it o, just get that mumu adam to eat it too and both of you will be as wise and powerful as HE is.

eve:u mean it? but how do i do that?

serpent: bottom power now!

eve: what is that?

serpent:just wink ur eye at him like this..ehen and shake ur waist once or twice infront of him...that should do the trick..then hand him the like a charm.

eve: ok i will, let me go.

(Eve leaves to find Adam)

serpent: Olodo! e no good make pesin no get brain, oma se o! so na this two go cause wahala for generations to come..anyways wish one concern only messenger i be...abeg make i waka before kasala go burst.

Of course they did not become smarter, they became naked.

God:Adam where are you

Adam: I dey bush dey hide o, i no wear cloth

God: how you take no sey u no wear cloth, u chop that fruit?

Adam: na that yeye woman you create for me o! na she causam....i siddon jejely she carry fruit com giv me

God: u sef chop am

Adam:shey ilknow which treeshe pluck am from..and moreover baba God no be my fault now...u no see wetin she carry

God: No be you first come garden, i bring woman she come gbaju you, you don chop the fruit una eye don clear shey? una go see the thing wey i go take ur eye see now.

(Now i strongly believe that if Adam had just taking responsibility for his actions instead of trading blames and offering excuses....he was created first and knew better and moreover they didnt put a gun to his head and last time i checked there was such a thing as NO!!!...instead of him to have grabbed eve by the ear wallop am one slap the fruit go fall down one time)

Adam: na for where u for take that fruit?

Eve: for that tree

Adam: Come here! dem swear for u...wetin Baba God talk about that tree?...if i see you dey yarn with dat serpent again ehn...i go use the serpent strangle ur come pour sand sand for my garri here

But no!!! bottom power prevailed...and is still prevailing now...

But i digress..back to Eden.

God: Man as from today you go work so tey, infact e go hard for long thing.
Alakoba, you go carry pikin for nine months and when you won born u go see wen!!!
As fo u, will u get out from behind that dis serpent.enemy of progress.both of una go hate ur urselves...and u go they crawl as from today dey chop dust...idiyoot..oloshi..i no even know why i create you.bornfool

Many years later we find ourselves in this quamire due to man's singular act of being able to take responsibility for his man i mean man not man and woman.

Funny thing is it is still happening is still causing problems and refusing to own up and women are still using men's heads and being decietful wenches...when are we going to learn...because he who doesnt learn from history is sure to repeat it.

I took a stroll recently and noticed a crowd gathered i decided to do amebo...

getting closer i see this young girl grabbing the trouser of the lanky and confused looking young man.

"you gi me belle, wen i talk sey i no do u no hear...u don see am...(gives him several slaps) na both of us go die here today.

"Papa no be my fault oh! d time wey im dey come dey beg me make i remove the hook for im bra , im no know ehn..u think sey body na wood"

The crowd bellows a loung AH!!!

And what about all these young girls who go out with men twice their age and treat them like lap dogs and these men do not complain once, but if their wives talk one, they will talk ten and add a slap as jara..but u see all this young girls..ordering them about..slapping their belle's...things they cant take from their wives...and they still shower these girls with money....and stay acting like dopemu's.

The devil is a prada wearing female with an aso-ebi fetish.


wavemasta said...

LOLLLLLL I was laffing out loud in my cafeteria and all....funny post, esp when God was like, ur eye don clear, ehn?

Anuoluwapo said...

omo, this is a lovely post... ma pa me ohhhhh....

yup, ladies....

thats how one came to seduce me,right there infront of the whole house, she did not care... but as God de my side and i am loving my baby day by day, i sent her home mehn... dang

disgodkidd said...

hilarious. i guess its true then what the say about the evil women make men do...

am still trying to find out who invented the low waist jean so i can personally stick a knife in his/her stomach and turn the handle...

Ugo Daniels said...

Why must the serpent be the person with the 'ibo accent'??

dolly said...

Lol@ The devil is a prada wearing female with an aso-ebi fetish.

Sha said...

lololololol! thanks for the laff

exschoolnerd said...

@wavemasta..dont choke on ur food oh...
@anu...lerus hear word with this ur new okepke... now? wetin low waist jeans do u? knew sumone was going to ask that question... least thats what i think..rocking all dem weddings and all.doing mogbo moya...causing wahala. pleasure oh!

Zahratique said...

God:Adam where are you

Adam: I dey bush dey hide o, i no wear cloth

God: how you take no sey u no wear cloth, u chop that fruit?

Heheh! That was hilarious!

Zephi said...

lolz..I am mad the serpent had to have an igbo accent..tribalism at its best...I am kidding

funny read..I like the whole nigerian/ pidgin english best part

"Adam: na that yeye woman you create for me o! na she causam....i siddon jejely she carry fruit com giv me

God: u sef chop am

Teediva said...

really hilarious, making these far-away people sound like us everyday people. and that crazy girl that was slapping the man she'd begged to give it to her lol.

na wa o, even God dey speak pidgin now ehn?

princesa said...

I second Ugo. Why does the serpent have to be ibo enh?? This gal, e be like say u no like ibo peeps o!

All the same, i enjoyed this post.
Funny too.

SCOMISS said...

eh hen aunty i no understand y u make the serpent ibo....he could have been hausa...

so this is where u are and i have been looking for u online

CATWALQ a.k.a LAGBA-JESS said...

I am with you on the uselessness of Adam...that's what happens when men think with their lil pee-pees...

princesa said...

I tagged you on my blog. Check it out.

simplynuttie said...

The ibo's dont like your using the serpent as one from their tribe.

Why should eve be yoruba? Last i heard, calabar girls are still the hottest when it comes to bottom power.

Nice blog though...really hilarious.

Anonymous said...

U feel me @Ugo Daniels!! thank God Eve is yoruba..yeye woman's a lie! The devil is a man..irresponsible and stupid.