Saturday, 8 December 2007

Exschoolnerd’s - A girls guide to breaking up.

Breaking up is never easy and that is why I have decided to help you out. It is something that happens whether planned or not. People fall out of love, certain situations in relationships can cause a person to want to leave or maybe you are just a player the kind that likes to go about leaving a trail of broken hearts. Well player or playeress, this isn’t for you, u can manage all by urself.

Now once you have a sensible reason why you need to break up with your partner, I mean u have thought it through and feel this is the way to go..u can take the very easy route…sleep with his best friend…but really in the end what does that say about you? The word HO comes to mind plus u risk a not so nice dowsing of acid. So try not to be a bitch about….but here are a list of things I suggest you do

*The ‘I love you’s’ and sweet words need to be minimal..if he tells you he loves you, you could reply with something like… ‘or is that so, I dirrin know o!’ Or ‘whatever’..he is sure to get the hint.

*A lot less calls than usual, a lot less visits mixed with a lot of excuses.

*Nag, nag and do more nagging…guys can’t take that

*Be clingy, possessive, talk about marriage and having his kids every friggin time.

*Totally start hating all the things he knows you like

*look for a break-up Chris Browns ‘say goodbye’ and put it on repeat constantly reminding him of how much you like the song and can relate to it. Or better still …Anastasia’s – Am outta love….with wordings like “Am outta love, set me free and let me out this misery. Show me the way to get my life again you can’t handle me” He’s sure to get the message then..

*Go on an awful cooking spree…they say the way to a man’s heart is through is stomach…cause enough food accidents on that way…(over salt and over pepper him out of your life)

*Burn two of his favourite shirts in the world while ironing and lie that it was a mistake.

*Change something he likes about you.If its your hair..dye it a different colour, if its your weight..get fat(at ur own risk oh)..or get anorexic(still at ur own risk)…if its ur legs(let a werewolf have nothing on you)…if it’s the way u dress…pull an ugly betty on his ass…drive that man comot anyway possible.

*Employ sarcasm, and always find fault with whatever he does.

If all these don’t work then bitch you need to come correct because this man loves you, because haba! If he didn’t he would have kicked your ass to the curb tey tey….he is willing to live with ur crazy antics for so long….biko ave a rethink and just try and work things out oh! Anyways its either he loves you so much or homeboy is too dimwitted to ctach on, in which case I suggest you just walk up to him and spell it out.
Bros IT-IS-OVER! sorry..nice knowing you.

Oh yeah by the way always break up at his place or somewhere neutral, that way u can slip out sharp sharp immediately the deed is done.

I hope I have been very helpful, if u do try this out and it works pls let me know…so I can start my career in break-up books..abeg! a sister must make that paper.

Do u know what I just realized…some girls do all this and they r not even trying to break-up.

M JUST CURIOUS..FOR GUYS..if a girl did all these to u would u break up with her? and girls have u ever tried any of the above?


Sha said...

LOLLLLLLLLL u always crack me up sha.. heheheeh nuttin do u jor..

PREAAAAAAAAAAAAACH ..hheehehe have a nice wkend.

James Tubman said...

people want what they can't have

if you play hard to get he'll run after you

if you talk about marriage and having his kids and all that he'll run away from you

Bubbles said...

We talked about this in my psychology of interpersonal relationships class, the "tips" u gave for breaking up has a name, but i can't remember what it is referred to. The whole point is to get the other person to break up with u cos u don't want to do it urself.

I think the best way is to just come clean and don't be a chicken about it. No need for all those passive aggressive tactics.

I still think u are a hoot though.

Tiona said...

u r fun!!

but i neva want to go thru a break up!1

no no no

i jst started dating my first bf

i want him to be my only one ooooooohh

Afrobabe said...

babesss...people dey find bobo u dey teach how to chase am...ok you need to write something on how to make him see its you or no one else....

been trying to get a guy to fall in love with me for some time, the minute I stopped and faced elsewhere he is all over the place...

Brothers are crazy....

eFJay said...

LMAO!!! mad blog!!!
U knw sumn funny, talking about getting married and having kids doesnt necessary chase people dudes away o... may be getting pregnant will...hahahhaaa!!!

On the real, its best to talk about stuff like that jo.

CATWALQ a.k.a LAGBA-JESS said...

why go through all that when you could just cut to the chase and tell him the truth?
"I dirrin know o" omo u're razzness is lovely. I identify

anonymous gal said...

LOL u should be writin 4 cosmo. but im printin your post 4 future ref.

simplynuttie said...

There was a time i stopped telling a guy i was dating "i love you"
the guy was damn too smart...he noticed almost immediately...he didnt go away o! we made up after eating eba n correct egusi soup!

little miss me said...

lmao i totally enjoyed ur blog,ur so funny..esp the part on adding/loosing weight n breakup songs hehehe..
and yeah talking about marriage and kids,i dont think it chases guys boyfriend and i do it all the time,we have even named our future kids!..i guess it depends on the guy.

Anonymous said...

men dis thin don happen to me b4 ooo, the gal did almost all this but still claims she luvs me...

gals, u jus cant understand dem.


genius4life said...

men dis thin don happen to me b4 ooo, the gal did almost all this but still claims she luvs me...

gals, u jus cant understand dem.

Aloofaa said...

U sure have a career in breaking up consulting. U should consider Television too.

Zephi said...

LMAO..your wicked why not simply say "its over" rather than puttng the bobo through all that na

exschoolnerd said...

@zephi..d whole idea is to annoy him out of ur life..if u cnt be upfront about it..