Tuesday, 4 December 2007

A Letter to Kanye West



Adekanye dear,

Bawoni? (leave that one I knw sey u be Yoruba boy..but ill try not to blow ur cover)

I know you don’t know me all that well, infact you don’t know me at all, but my name is Olaide (or-lie-day) and I have watched you from afar and I have admired you for a very long time. I think you are a very confident, well spoken and intelligent young man. I can see God’s handiwork in ur coming to Nigeria. Those days my mum gave me constant abara’s in church charging me to stand up and pray and ask God “to let my Adam locate me by fire” have proved to not be in vain. I was overjoyed when I heard you were coming to Nigeria, ehen there is nothing really impossible for God o!

Adekanye I would have loved to attend your concert, but a grown ass lady like me has a 5 o’ clock curfew, I know I should flout their rules and come and see you anyways but the kind of parents I have will come to polo club and will bring the koboko out of retirement and be knocking my head all the way to the house…biko! Polo club is very far from my house o.
I could damn the consequences still, if you promise to run away with me…nevertheless I wont relent, I still have your go-slow purchased c.d, never mind that it’s a bootleg…after all it’s the thought that counts….although it might skip repeatedly..that is just evidence of overplaying which also means I adore you so much I listen to you every time. I’ll have my own mini concert in my room and stare out the window starry eyed imagining what it would have been like if I were there.

The first time they decide to bring the gate fee down to an amount i can afford...i fit close eye even pay for V.I.P...i cant attend...but the devil is a liar..because what God has put together...no man can put asunder.

I am so sorry about your mother, I know the both of you were very close…may her soul rest in peace and may God give you the strength to pass through this heartwrenching time.I know she would have been a good mother in law.
Adekanye I want to cook Ogbono soup for you, chei kanye you will marry me immediately. See ehn why don’t u act like my knight in shining armour and come save laipunzel from her dungeon.

I am 6ft of chocolatey goodness, mammary glands to feed the world…but!..A big but there….i have a small butt(no pun intended sweerie) but I make up for it in other ways…am smart, sense of humour to die for, witty, artsy and creative like you and i know all your songs by heart. Oh kanye you should see how I defend you when my brothers rag on you, Voltron has got nothing on me….its almost like they used you to swear for me…I get all tensed up and my brothers do it deliberately to push my buttons…if that is not enough for you to come and pay my dowry I don’t know what is.

There say u are arrogant and what not..but u just confident babes…I know ur good all by urself but honey I could make you better, ill upgrade you, jay and bee will have nothing on we (u see u even got me rhyming) Kanye I come with no drama, I aint gonna act like ur mama, ill rock them events with u, believe me babe I picture good. I could rock them Versace dresses and still be hood, u got that swagger that has got me hooked…(am on fire)….Oluwakanye Adewest…..you are the first and last boy I will ever drop lyrics for like this oh in an attempt to toast him…but when will I get this opportunity again…

I know u have one lepa shandy that is parading herself as your girlfriend, but believe me hons…if u didn’t have that doe…hmmm…I aint saying she a gold digger o! but she aint messing with no broke nigger o!....so shine ur eye like star…na dem bring u come country shey? Upgrade from lepa to moi!

Adekanye this is where I sign off, I hope I have been able to convince u and not confuse u on why we need to be together.

It’s fate baby!!! Its fate.

Now if only I knew how I could get this to you.

32 comments:

Kiibaati said...

Ex,

U r so crazy, i can't stop laughing. I don't blame you sha, the guys is good.

Nothing can stop me from being at Polo Club

exschoolnerd said...

@kibaati...hah!! i have seen someone to help me deliver my letter o!

N.I.M.M.O said...

... Dont worry jare XSN, he would have read your blog by now.

But you didnt put your address so he could have come charging up your doorsteps in a limo to bring you to the Polo Club. Anyway, he should somehow know sha.

Dreams do come true. Abi?

That 'Adekanye' bit has a nice ring to it. E fit be o. Who knows?

Nice post again.

Nimmo

Bubbles said...

I am a kanye hater oh! Certified. I can't understand what u see in him. Well, to each his own.

exschoolnerd said...

@nimmo...shey? ill give the person who voluteers to give him my letter, my number...so we can hook up..who knows which weirdo is reading my blog if i leave my address....

and i know sumone..a nigerian whose name is adekanye....

exschoolnerd said...

@bubbles...look this is where both of us will start fighting oh.....

The experiences of an achiever....... said...

lol!!! Olaide u kill me!

Orientatednaijababe said...

U r toooooo funny. I really wish he could get to read it.

The dude is a star...i love his smile and he looks so good in a shirt, yummy.

U really cracked me up tonight

Omotayo said...

Ehn ehn, I knew Laide would still beg dis Kanye guy, abeg who be d guy sef wey dey make U kolo like dis? See as U wan abuse me because I no know Adekanye. Pele, I'll call Skateboard P to tell Kanye (LV Don) for him to come get U @ home.....make sure U are on time though.
...lol...Nice letter there. Been a while since I dropped in; work has been mighty tight...U understand now, promise 2 buzz U soon. Take care.

Ugo Daniels said...

Now, i know there's a loosened nut someone up there, lol!

princesa said...

LMAO!!!!
Exschool nerd! Girl you got me cracking up real bad.
Kanye really needs to read this love letter.
All these lyrics cant go in vain,lol!

Babes, e be like say I go go that musical concert because of you o! At least to pass this letter on, what do ya think?

Teediva said...

this girl, na just small remain make u colo completely, ahn ahn?

fantasy queen said...

LMAO!
u've just sold urself here babes...i'm sure u'll make a good publicist.lol'.
while u're havin ur mini concert indoors, maybe i'd come cheer at u. i hate crowds so wouldnt be going for the concert even tho i'm half way in love with kanye...

Zephi said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Zephi said...

I had to delete my previous comment, cos there was an error..

lolz..I am laughing so hard

kanye don become yoruba by force

but yeah kanye is the ish, I can see why your crushing hard...

Afrobabe said...

Laipunzel laipunzel
Take it easy while loving Oluwakanye Adewest
This ur prayer no be small matter oh, while at it please write me a letter to Jay Z…Beyonce aint got nothing on me…In fact I will write it myself…

simplynuttie said...

ROTFLMFAO!!!

Now, i understand why your location reads: under one bridge like this!

DAVID said...

Oh gosh! I just stumbled on your blog. Your humour is a 10! Gba be! lolll You got me dying here!

Loving the blog!

olu said...

This is my first time on your blog, this is humour at its best and learnt u're a Unilag babe.

Your blog is just what I need to have during this boring holiday.

I love your blog!

exschoolnerd said...

@achiever..abeg o make i no kill u oh!!

@orientednaija babe...thnx for stopping by sweets...i wish he could see it too.

@omotayo...u really need to holler..we need to catch up.

@ugo daniels....u just dey no!

@princesa...pls be a sweerie and do....ill be gratefull.on second thots..e fit see u tlk ey im wan marry u instead..mba!

@teediva....lol

@fantasy queen..ill appreciate the company!!!

@zephi..yes o! ADEKANYE!!!

@AFROBABE...cant wait to see ur letter...know it will be hilarious.

@Simplynuttie...Inspiration flows yanfy yanfu under that bridge o! forget!

@david...thnx sweets..love ur blog too.

@olu...na wa o! my news don fly sha..yes oh am i that useless university...do come back again..

CATWALQ a.k.a LAGBA-JESS said...

Oniranu...atoole...

I am not asking o but i would not mind an invite to the wedding...but I am not asking

exschoolnerd said...

@CATWALQ...

u will not be invited...we dont need no haters!!!

Pink-satin said...

men , i have missed ur blog for real..lol

olu said...

No worry. Your news no fly, I got to know that we are in the same crazy sch thru your archives which I ve been reading even more than I read for my last exams.

Carry go jare! Nothing do U.

Anonymous said...

Haba it is a crime for one person to be as funny as you. Loved this blog. Even if Oluwakanye or is it Adekanye, gets to read your letter,I think you'll have to Aamericanize it for him to understand it and not think you're just another regular psycho fan.

babzent said...

You almost crack'd my ribs o!
Nice piece, but your love no come fit endure koboko... keep em coming sis.
Cheers

laspapi said...

Adekanye is to you, what Shakeeratu is to me. If she dances for me every morning, I'll leave the world behind and follow her. I like this post, nerd.

exschoolnerd said...

@pink-satin..ehey sweets thnx for stopping by!!!
@olu...ah dat one better..i been think sey some blogboruns...don dey spread my news..
@anonymous....abi oh..ill change a few stuff here and dey....bt i still sey na yoruba boy o..mchew!! make e dey form chi-town dere.
@babzent...ah...alll the way from polo club reach my house...ah...mba!d one wey i don chop b4..d mark stil dey my body.
@laspapi..lol @ shakeratu...lol so m not the only one that has a thing for a celeb.
@

4wardnfiaca said...

this is absolutely hilarious...
hope ur parents extend ur curfew this one time so u get to go to ur crush's concert.

oluwakanye adewest... it's goin to be hard to get that one off my brain.
lovely post as always

KW said...

XSN,

When I get to Nigeria, I will get in touch.

Kanye West.

exschoolnerd said...

@kw...which kain aba kanye west u be?

Aloofaa said...

U r damn crazy! Are u from outerspace?

I love this post.
Do ur parents know u have a blog?

LoL.