Tuesday, 4 December 2007
A Letter to Kanye West
Bawoni? (leave that one I knw sey u be Yoruba boy..but ill try not to blow ur cover)
I know you don’t know me all that well, infact you don’t know me at all, but my name is Olaide (or-lie-day) and I have watched you from afar and I have admired you for a very long time. I think you are a very confident, well spoken and intelligent young man. I can see God’s handiwork in ur coming to Nigeria. Those days my mum gave me constant abara’s in church charging me to stand up and pray and ask God “to let my Adam locate me by fire” have proved to not be in vain. I was overjoyed when I heard you were coming to Nigeria, ehen there is nothing really impossible for God o!
Adekanye I would have loved to attend your concert, but a grown ass lady like me has a 5 o’ clock curfew, I know I should flout their rules and come and see you anyways but the kind of parents I have will come to polo club and will bring the koboko out of retirement and be knocking my head all the way to the house…biko! Polo club is very far from my house o.
I could damn the consequences still, if you promise to run away with me…nevertheless I wont relent, I still have your go-slow purchased c.d, never mind that it’s a bootleg…after all it’s the thought that counts….although it might skip repeatedly..that is just evidence of overplaying which also means I adore you so much I listen to you every time. I’ll have my own mini concert in my room and stare out the window starry eyed imagining what it would have been like if I were there.
The first time they decide to bring the gate fee down to an amount i can afford...i fit close eye even pay for V.I.P...i cant attend...but the devil is a liar..because what God has put together...no man can put asunder.
I am so sorry about your mother, I know the both of you were very close…may her soul rest in peace and may God give you the strength to pass through this heartwrenching time.I know she would have been a good mother in law.
Adekanye I want to cook Ogbono soup for you, chei kanye you will marry me immediately. See ehn why don’t u act like my knight in shining armour and come save laipunzel from her dungeon.
I am 6ft of chocolatey goodness, mammary glands to feed the world…but!..A big but there….i have a small butt(no pun intended sweerie) but I make up for it in other ways…am smart, sense of humour to die for, witty, artsy and creative like you and i know all your songs by heart. Oh kanye you should see how I defend you when my brothers rag on you, Voltron has got nothing on me….its almost like they used you to swear for me…I get all tensed up and my brothers do it deliberately to push my buttons…if that is not enough for you to come and pay my dowry I don’t know what is.
There say u are arrogant and what not..but u just confident babes…I know ur good all by urself but honey I could make you better, ill upgrade you, jay and bee will have nothing on we (u see u even got me rhyming) Kanye I come with no drama, I aint gonna act like ur mama, ill rock them events with u, believe me babe I picture good. I could rock them Versace dresses and still be hood, u got that swagger that has got me hooked…(am on fire)….Oluwakanye Adewest…..you are the first and last boy I will ever drop lyrics for like this oh in an attempt to toast him…but when will I get this opportunity again…
I know u have one lepa shandy that is parading herself as your girlfriend, but believe me hons…if u didn’t have that doe…hmmm…I aint saying she a gold digger o! but she aint messing with no broke nigger o!....so shine ur eye like star…na dem bring u come country shey? Upgrade from lepa to moi!
Adekanye this is where I sign off, I hope I have been able to convince u and not confuse u on why we need to be together.
It’s fate baby!!! Its fate.
Now if only I knew how I could get this to you.