Monday, 11 February 2008


I felt a hand tapping my breast as I stared out of the window lost in my thoughts, I was about to turn round and open a can of whoop ass on the barawo that had the liver, the audacity, e no look face, all 6ft of me, to tap me in such an area. I thought it was the conductor who wanted to collect his money I was ready to give him an uppercut that will send him flying out hopefully he will fall out of the bus and his hit his head on the pavement and it will open. I turned around to see this woman seating beside me with her baby, the mother smiled at me “he wants breast” my mind am like did I tell u it’s for breast don turn basket ball… You dis baby if no be sey u cute ehn, ur mama breast never do you….u no see ur ashewo mouth… Abi dem never teach you dis song “Be content with what you have little, big or small” stop that rough play before you begin dey give all these agbaya’s for here ideas….right now they will give an eye to be you.

I just smile…yea breast!

He did it again…and his mother removed is hand and told him to stop.

The conductor just kept laughing…. “e like good thing now” shining his dirty teeth..the people in the bus laughed.

Come! hace who ask you question….na dere dem go see you…see as e be like egg roll….face ur front jare. I thought o! he kept giving me googly eyes all through the bus ride…the conductor not the baby.

Got off the bus and was heading to my hostel, when I heard
“Correct! Correct! You are wearing my trouser….and the rice you have inside there don’t worry am coming to collect my own”

If that didn’t make any sense to you let me explain…there is this big stocky old man, wears the same cloth everyday has a whole lot of junk…sits at my hostel junction everyday on this bench with a tin roof shade….i don’t know if he’s mad…because he reads the paper and people still have conversations with him. My friend says he’s just eccentric…hmmm….what a nice way to put it…I think he is on the verge anyways or maybe he has his moments…but I just feel so sorry for him…and sorta really like him…not in that way..there are just some people you wish you could do something to help..Anways anytime me and my friends pass his post he’s always making us reel with laughter with the crazy stuff he says…like the one above..another one I remember is : “Have you seen my Janet from Geneva”, “Don’t fight don’t fight two of you don’t fight, have me” “ah you want to climb okada, your pant is showing”…lol I heard he later became friends with the girl that last saying was meant for…watch out for more ‘Baba junction sayings’

School is even more hectic than I remember I have a very annoying timetable with hardly any free time….Wednesdays I have back to back classes from 10 to 5 and I am still on 0 1 0 eating pattern…why? Its either there’s no time, there’s no place to eat when I get back to my hostel and the generator only comes on by 7pm so I can cook something…sometimes that’s when I eat the first meal of the day. I am losing weight…I shud be happy right…only in the wrong places…my thighs and my ass…my ass…yes my ass…why oh why….what about my upper body…abeg o! kuku just leave me the way I am than takeaway the kurukere ikebe I am still managing..Mchew! Nonsense! I am so angry….every other part of my body is big….big ginormous 43 feet that I can never get shoes my size, when I get they will be quoting 7,500 for one gbanjo shoe meanwhile a smaller size would be like 3,000….big head that I have to use two weavons to mask while others use one, small yansh…okay medium is more like it…arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggh!!!!....okay laide calm down

I have one new roommate… dunno how she is anyways still studying her, although me and my other roommates are quite chummy now when we heard she was moving in we were devising all sorts of plans to pursue her away to some other room..We were like we would sleep with our legs on the wall…or enter the room at odd hours and one of us would ask “How was the meeting?” anything so we wouldn’t get someone with a foul attitude who would come and mess up the harmonious atmosphere of our room….but she’s not that bad…well for now.

By the way finding out more crazy stuff about my roommates, one of them is actually 15…I kid u not..and has a mouth like a tap…and funny as hell and the other ones dad buys her, her bras and g-strings…weird weird weird.

I don’t have any weird, insane lecturers this semester just ones whose English are very poor and who like to ask too much questions…with a head like mine they always see me to ask…no amount of ducking can save me or trying to avoid their eyes…and like to insult too much…okay so here are two things that happened recently.

In my syntactic analysis class..oga grammarian was asking us the definition of an idiot…because he wanted to tell us that anyone who regurgitates his notes for his exams is an IDIOT and would fail…so he’s asking us for definitions and people are answering and he’s like “One more person who is an idiot”…okay here’s the point where you laugh…what he actually meant was…one more person who knows who an idiot is, but the way he put it seemed like one more person who is an idiot should give us a definition…oya just laugh small…ehen God bless u! .it was funny when it happened.

Then during my CRS class after the lecture some chubby chic didn’t write her name on the attendance list and when she told the lecturer he told her off and she started frowning and he noticed she was chewing gum and apparently he’s ticked off by that, he was now like “don’t you know that guys don’t like fat gurls anymore” at that point she leaves the class..and he goes on to say “look at her still chewing until she becomes baby elephant”

I swear to God I wanted to die.

By the way am I the only wan feeling that 9ice song – Gongo aso..that song is madd!!!


Anonymous said...

yay!am first!!lol at that baby!as the conductor said who no like something wey good-lol

ibiluv said...

i like that for mr gateman..pple like him make us remember the things to be thankful for

eFJay said...

LOL at the whole blog!!! pele abt losing weight ni bum area e, that happened to me to once, i was not pleased...
Take cre of u...


darkelcee said...

gongo aso rocks!

that baby sabi good thing.who know like better thing abeg love is sharing ojare.

enjoy school

Anonymous said...

u r not d only 1 feeling d song,all around me 24/7 its practically all i hear so i ve to hold myself from goin mad.
lol@d baby who no like bettr thing.

Anu boy said...

lol, they guy de press breast wey big pass him mama own... omo sorry oh,

hope you get to eat more often and sorry about your time-table... na wa oh

e go better

Anonymous said...

Laide, you look beaurriful in the picture!!

princesa said...

lol@ you and ur roommates!

I remember those days of danfo jumping and enduring the dirty smelly guys who try to tap current any chance they get,lol!
Glad it was just the baby o!

Miss Kiki said...

LOL that was that gongo aso song too.