Monday, 17 March 2008

Phone conversation with my boo!



Browsing yesterday I saw something about my baby, it got me so furious that I just had to call him to verify! I was mad! Fuming! Praying it wasn’t true..here’s our phone conversation…and this is not a joke! For real! Am not kiddin!!!

Laide: Oluwa kanye Adewest!

Kanye west: Yes baby!

Laide: Do not baby me, ma baby me ra ra ra ra just answer me did you or didn’t u?

Kanye west: what is the problem now? Did I or didn’t I what?

Laide: What is the problem? I will tell you what the problem is…Did you or did you not secretly get hitched to anorexic…abi wetin be that im name again

Kanye: Alexis

Laide: I don’t give a damn what her name is!

Kanye: baby lemme explain!

Laide: Explain what! What do you want to explain? Did u or did u not marry her in Paris?

Kanye: Baby u see ehn, it was my publicist, he told me that marrying her would be a good move, I can’t remember his reason but I am sure it was a very good one.

Laide: Ah! (Shakes head twice) O ma n se bi ode at times….so you don’t have a mind of your own ni, is it ur publicist that would come and save you when anorexic starts sucking your blood.
Kanye: Alexis!

Laide: if u correct me again. mo le gba oju e

Kanye: Look baby its only temporary!

Laide: You marry person u tell me sey na temporary…u keep me for naija dey put me on “is coming” ….dem tell you sey me I no wan go movie preview…abi na dat opelenge only sabi wear Monique lhullier and bagdley mischka…

Kanye: Ah laaaaaide!!! U be original long throat!

Laide: leave that one jare….abi make I no go do holiday for Bahamas

Kanye: But baby ur in school in Africa now!

Laide: Wait wetin u call am? Africa! I am in Nigeria, where u are originally from and are there not schools there? Abeg leave story for bouncing baby.I deserve it more than her and you know it, who helped you get out of naija, who was stealing her mother’s gold so you could purchase a ticket….no make I curse u oh….who went to meet that baba so that you can be signed to rocafella…who?! Tell me now! And also made you and instant success? Who o! When you had that accident, who sent you that cream that baba made for you?

Kanye: stop shouting now!

Laide: I haven’t started shouting oh! When I start the traditional shouting na then u go know

Kanye: Ah laide!

Laide: Stay there, by the time I go meet one baba and u find urself back for moshalashi dey sell hot tea and risky burger na den u go know sey I am not to be messed with.

Kanye: Ah! mo da ran


Laide: when last did we see, when you came to Nigeria…I was supposed to spend an hour with you but ended up spending less than 20minutes after that your bodyguard harassed me poured away the nkwobi I brought for you saying you don’t eat such! No be you even tell me sey make I bring am,…Imagine 1,500 naira nkwobi..i just look am sey I no blame am if dem no carry generations before am from Africa no be NURTW he go dey work las las…idiyoot! I hope u have fired him like u promised.

Kanye: I have baby! I have!

Laide: Kanye I will show you pepper!


Kanye: Ah! olaide mi….ide mi…you shouldn’t talk like that…it hasn’t reached that if you know the way wey I take miss u ehn…yeah knahmean! Das what am talking bout….ama holla achu la-ah boo

Laide: Kanye! Oti ya wereh ni? Ta lo knahmean fun?

Kanye: Ma binu jare I dey HOVA house he just pass now make e no hear me dey talk broken…baby! When I’ve made enough money ill fake my death and ill come to Nigeria and build a nice little house in quiet Ibadan when we can live happily ever after.

Laide: Story! E be laik sey I have to do something drastic for you to know that I am not playing around sha….if I don’t hear by next week that u filled for a divorce from anorexia….i will mail TMZ, E news…..US weekly…a picture of ur truck pusher days and the family you left in ijebu igbo….idiyoot! they claim chi-town! Loius vuitton don oshi!

Kanye: Laide you wouldn’t dare!

Laide: Kanye do you know how many unilag bois I have turned down because of you! Fine ones at that…prospects!! on top sey I get one boyfriend for obodoyinbo..shame dey even catch me make i mention your name..because na so so laff laff go follow after…Nobody believes me they think I am just lying..so don’t tell me I wouldn’t dare…

Kanye: Ah laide mi! e ma se be!

Laide: before you traveled what did you say? You would go to school get a job and come back and marry me


Kanye: But baby I didn’t know I was going to be this famous, some of us can’t help but be blessed.

Laide: who bless you? u famous o! u no famous o! e no consain me…u reach dere…mumu…one yellow tolo tolo shake im yansh for you, u forget me wey help u reach dere sef.

Kanye: baby! I didn’t forget u don’t u know that song with pharell- Number 1...it’s about you my sweetie pie.

Laide: Oh did you tell her d same thing too? Kanye am too old for all this nonsense…u need to come correct and prove that I mean something to you or else it won’t be pretty!!!

(Female voice in the background)

Voice: Kanye who are you talking to? HOV needs you for a minute! He needs your opinion on something.

Kanye: Okay ill be there! Babe lemme put u on hold for 2 minutes ill be back..

Laide: Better don’t keep me waiting, HOV was not rubbing mosquito repellant on your back in mushin for u…

Kanye: I’ve heard! U sha!!!

(Puts phone on hold)

Female voice: Bitch! I know its you who’s disturbing my man! Why don’t you just give it a rest and quit acting so desperate. He’s married now

Laide: Who’s this?

Alexis: His wife Alexis.

Laide: Ah! ashawo! Finally we meet..Don’t worry next week he’ll be giving your ass divorce papers to sign, I know him better than you do and I know how to make him do what I want.

Alexis: Yeah that’s why he married me right? U should see the humungous diamond on this ring and the lavish wedding we had…just leave us alone and stop calling my man. Have some pride will you?

Laide: Your man! Did I hear you correct!

Alexis: did I stutter? Yes ma man…

Laide: look bitch am in Nigeria, I am African and you know what we do to your type, you gold digging whorish types, you don’t want to mess with me bitch! Oh no you do not!

Alexis: Leave that thing! I be naija girl too! Any thing you bring I go counter am.

Click!

52 comments:

Sting said...

You should be jumping up and down thanking God that u escaped marrying the arrogance that is kanye West.

shola pacheco said...

laide... ur uniqueness with humour na die....u sure make me smile anytime i check on u, how yah doing

Anonymous said...

dry!

30+ said...

You be one kain babe, lovely one

The experiences of an achiever....... said...

@ anonymous... hater! so why read?
to get the full effect of this post, read out LOUD!!!
Laide, the Alexis bit had me cracking up!!! wonderful post..i have stitches!!
Alexis- Abeg..leave that thing..i be 9ja girl.lol!!!!!!

AN IBO DUDE'S CORNER said...

is this real or "Zeb Ejiro Produced"..

Guys sef..

exschoolnerd said...

@sting...i just cant get enuf of kanye..arrogance and all!

@shola...i am fine jare!

@anonymous...i cnt be funny to everybody everytime...it was funny to me and seriously...that is all that matters...gba!

@30+...dont i know!

@thnx sweets!

@an ibo dude..sumthing like that..

Fo said...

nice one gurl ;)...oh nd by the way, say me hi to ur ex bo bo Mr.West...LOL! (u still got his numbr right?)

darkelcee said...

if kanye west reads this? na immediately im go propose

you too much jare

funny piece!

יש (Yosh) said...

lol @ "hot tea and risky burger" lmao

guerreiranigeriana said...

lol...you don kolo finish...

ablackjamesbond said...

...lol

ablackjamesbond said...

...lol

first time here...great blog u have ...keep up the good work

Anu boy said...

my oe and only big foot.... na you know..... werin dey....

u r too funny

i absolutely loved this post

ineffable said...

mad girl! you no well,anyway, i told you so.. instead of you to finally accept that this thing you have for "Adekanye" will lead you no where,you go and make a joke about it...hen...im telling you now that alexis no be yoruba girl, na ibo girl she be, you kno' those scary herbalist types in our home videos? get ready for a visitation...lol

olu said...

I love this! You no go kill me oh! Kanye should read this.

My e-mail might be crappy but it deserves a reply. Haba!!

B said...

my day just got better...u are a class act. Adekanye - what does it mean? my Yoruba is not top notch!

schoolnerd fan said...

laide you be correct person!i like your reply to anonymous..not everyone will find your post funny!!and its not a bad thing!!just a fact

@ experiences oa an achiever!chill out!at least the anonymous wasnt abusive or nasty!!not everyone can leave the comments will all want to hear so far they are civil about it!

exschoolnerd said...

@fo..no wahala i still gat the dude's number

@darkleece...as in! he better oh

@yosh...hey u..ive missed u..long time..hw u dey?

@guerreriannigerian...thnx sweets for stopping by...do come bck!

@ablackjamesbond...thnx love!appreciate the holler

@anu....i dey jare! shebi i don finally update!

@ineffable...ta! will u shurrup there and stop being a jealous cow...why r u like this sef....

@olu...ma binu..i go holler u!

@b...i just nigerianized his name by adding an ade in front!

@schoolnerdfan..first of all m gushing at ur name...i have a fan...thats so sweet!!!!

Afrobabe said...

hahahahhahahahahah...Leave that thing! I be naija girl too! Any thing you bring I go counter am.

correct ending....

Orientatednaijababe said...

Lol!!! U r a star oh, i wish i had Kanye's email, i will just forward this link to him quick.

Arewa said...

aww how i have missed reading ur posts... hope all is well with u....i think u need to change the title of ur profile picture(pink top) to from Nerd to Diva. Loving the new look.

lol@ Oluwa kanye Adewest!.. oh my gosh .. my ribs are aching...

Bookie19 said...

U dis gurl go kill person with laughter oo
U should have labeled this not safe for work....See me just dying laughing here..chei..i kno my co-workers think im crazy.
Good job chica

teediva said...

were ni e this girl.


ignore all the haters jare. u know who ur real fans are.

bumight said...

wow! u don kolo finish!!

Kanye: Ah! olaide mi….ide mi…you shouldn’t talk like that…it hasn’t reached that if you know the way wey I take miss u ehn…yeah knahmean! Das what am talking bout….ama holla achu la-ah boo

got me all cracking up!

TinTin said...

lmaoooo at the end!!! omigosh u crack me up!!

Omotayo said...

U just keep on delivering d punches...........nice one babe.

SCOMISS said...

Olaide ooooo......where you think this one from now?

good one babes..i've told you we should write home-video...you write and i direct...

Simi Speaks said...

OLAIDEEEEEEEEEEEEE. u will not kill me. o crazy gan..

tell me how does ur brain work to come up with dis convo?

OluwaDee said...

Lol! 4nee post.
specaily d part wr Alexis claimed to b a 9ja babe.

DUNTEE said...

Ur really good at this. Keep it up.

eFJay said...

Laide! U r a crazy person! so mo sha?
It was a fun read!

'ef babe'

Anonymous said...

thanks for brightening up my day. I've been in a fowl mood for a few days but this cheered me right up.

Ms. Catwalq said...

whenever I come home, I am taking you out to lunch. U r not serious at all.....

Nigerian Web Developer said...

Nigerian Web Community cannot be any fun without this crazy blogger!

theicequeen said...

lolololol..tew funny....only problem i have is that kanye is the leading man :(..but LOL nevertheless...

@anonymous...nna stop being a hater, you should have left your name and blog link, so we could all go and read and see what proper funny looks like..hissss

wienna said...

Ermmm...ex-snerd...i swear i saw someone like you featured on e360 last nite on AIT. Could you verify this pls, cheers.

wellsbaba said...

XSKOOLNERD!!!!!!! U HAVE DONE IT AGAIN!!!!! U ARE THE SHIZNIT!...enuf stuffs i lyk bout dis post,d risky burger part,d yoruba touch n most of al d alexis girl bein nigerian!....funny enuf i hav a kinda similar experience(d other person bein a 9ja)

AJIKE said...

lol..u r a clown...teeheeeee..

nice funny post

xxx

NigerianDramaQueen said...

Hahaha..u r freaking hilarious! This post was truly genious. My classmate got into the Valentino show (Paris Fashion Week) and sat next to ur boo and the anorexic!

Anonymous said...

Men this babe u too much jo! That other anonymous pesin be foreigner, e no get our Nigerian sense of humor, period.

'Yar Mama said...

dream on...

princesa said...

You know...afetr reading this post, i scrolled up to take another look at your face...just wanted to make sure say the person in the pic looked sane,lol!

babe you just too mush fun abeg.

and that twist with alexis being a naija babe, that was just tew funny!

ladyguide said...

Babe u rock!!

exschoolnerd said...

@afrobabes

thnx babes!

@Orientatednaijababe ...forward ke! what r u implying..that this convo didnt realy happen...sora o!...


@Arewa ...thnx sweets.i am fine hope u r too.underneath it all m just a nerd..

@Bookie19

thnx sweets for stopping bye...happy to have made u laugh.

@teediva

yea i do..thnx sweets!

19 March 2008 11:50


@bumight,TinTin,Omotayo
u know i appreciate all ur comments..and i will also appreciate ur prayers..to chase away this impostor from my baby's life..thanx in advance.

@SCOMISS

she-baby! no wahala..no be me and u..one day one day..we will do that.


@Simi Speaks

i swear i no understand myself too oh..na boredom dey make me think up all dese crazy crazy things!

@OluwaDee and DUNTEE ..

thnx ill try n keep it up so u guys cn keep coming back.



@ eFJay
lovewr gurl..long time..hope u r good ad mr man too.nice to know u still reach this zones.




@Anonymous
my pleasure bur f'real....i wanna know..i wanna know..ur name.ur name...why u gata be anonymous( am sorry i cudnt resist)



@ Ms. Catwalq
holding u to ur word...we will do nkwobi.u know what that is ryt?



@ Nigerian Web Developer
gaan siddown damilare!

25


@theicequeen
ahan...why do u hv a problem with my kanye..wetin im do u...hes wonderful underneath it all sha..forget what every other pesin says...

@wienna

it wasnt me...the only station and show i think ive been on is 'rubbing minds' on Channels TV.


@wellsbaba
blog about ur experience jare!


@AJIKE

thnx love...


@NigerianDramaQueen

chei o! he took her to fashion week...while my ass was suffering struggling for seat in unilag!!!


@Anonymous

abi o! i guess he/she/it might be a foreigner too..na deir wahala jare..thnx for the love..u rock!

@'Yar Mama
stop harring on me and my man.

@princesa
lol..so what was ur conclusion..i resemble pesin wey don marra?

how u dey sweets?

@ladyguide
thnx hon and welcome to blogville!!!

Ms. Catwalq said...

actually, I don't...

AlooFar said...

Laide, Laide, Laide.
Na how many times I call you.

U won kill me with laff? Ehn?

;)

Nine said...

ROFLMAO.
You find Nigerians in the oddest places....

InCogNaija said...

erm...missy, with every new post you just wow me even more. Just when i think you can be any crazier, you shock me!! you too much girl!!

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

lmao.. oh my goshhhhhh i wan laugh DIEEEEEEEEE.. hahaaaaaaa laide you will NOT kill me in JESUS NAME>.. yesuuu mogbe... them go fire me ohhhhh.. haha the ending was just PERFECT.. lol

soupasexy said...

OMG.. am rolling on the floor with laughter, girl i so love this blog..

geeez, ur sense of humour is incredible...that was so funny, especially the name.

i'll def be back.

Anonymous said...

lwkmd!!! i noe m stale nd all...buh mehn! i lav dis! big ups girl! u're good!