Saturday, 1 March 2008

Thoughts in my head during a lecture

Ooooooh! I hate entering the class when it’s full, people start staring at you like some newly discovered specie.

Nipples- check
Zip- check
Stomach in
No nonsense face on

Enters the class….finds a sit at the back

Stomach out!

Ewo! Test! Abi na wetin I dey hear so, what happened to no more impromptu tests, okay the first question seems okay but the second question go hard man pikin..make I even see who dey for this my row.

Na so so olodo just take style full this row sha, “biro biters” and “head scratchers”…the kind wey if u dub lecturer no go only give you zero but go add your ear nose and mouth join for the zero with a little note. “If at all you want to dub, dub from the right person at least haba!” how I for do am now!

Come this girl will you remove your hand from that your paper, this is not primary school oh, who wan dub you sef, u no know sey I dey look face before I dub, person dey cover book u sef dey cover book, abeg make I see road jare, carry dat your head comot make I see that boy wey dey beside you….annoying something..e no see as e black like colour 1 weavon.

Wetin this one de write sef, fear dey catch me to dub oh!!! I can’t just dub any nonsense…not everybody who is writing knows what they are writing about, the answer wey dis one dey give no even tally with the question.

Did he just say 10 more minutes!!! Is he high, 10 kini?

Oooooooh!!!! Who is dat tapping me from behind, abeg free me jare..ah its Yinka…ah number 2…u are a darling, a lifesaver…

O ho! Sister cover cover u want to dub from me now? If I dash u one blow ehn, me sef fit cover book…common carry ur eye away…mchew! Yeye!!

I have another class now at Edu, chei see the line for cab..oooh!!! kai..sometimes ehn dis unilag dey tire me.

I am already thirty minutes late for this class and the class is full...again! Imagine if I enter and the lecturer breaks off into her own version of “Soulja boy’s”…crank that!

“Yooooooooooooooooou!!!!! (Pointing at me) Stupid girl is late to class, its no wonder she won’t pass.
Now why don’t you walk urself out, why don’t you walk yourself

Me and the things I think of sha…

Nipples- check
Zip- check
Stomach in
No nonsense face on


Stomach out!

How grand would it have been if she actually started singing…..and doing the superman dance!

Straight to you-tube I tell ya!

Yes! There’s space there, its small but I can like to manage.

Yes! Can I help u? Dress to where? Upon the English wey dis one dey study na dress im still dey talk, dress ni bo you put dress for here, abeg fly to the back. Dont look at me like I just did you wrong, you see me managing this minuscule space dey siddon with one butt cheek. Blood no dey enter pesin leg…you wan come join put to my misery with that your kain yansh…
Mba! To the back, to the back…everything you carry to a seat at the back…
Dress ko…aso ni!!!

Bwahahahahahaha…did I just see that..did someone really write that…lemme me even read all the nonsense some jobless people have been writing on this wall..

-I need a girl with a juicy ass, pls call 08000000000…..(olofo! Pervert oshi…Any gurl wey call you make she just accept anything wey come to her)

-I need a fat girl for marriage pls call xxxxxxxxx(am sure there’s a perverted reason behind that)

-I need a girl for a serious relationship… (Well u won’t be getting one through this medium)

Gosh this lecturer dey fear me oh.. whenever she talks am half expecting a demon to jump out of her mouth, the way she contorts her face and the way she opens her eyes..its the stuff for horror movies I tell ya.

Chei this biro has stopped working oh! Rundown!

Lemme ask this girl for an extra pen

Excuse me!

Pls do you have an extra pen….you don’t…some girls have issues..on top sey I wan ask for biro.. Jesu! Kai see the evil eye ….maybe I resemble the girl wey steal im boyfriend….why dem no go steal im boyfriend sef….

Pls let me ask a human being instead, a boy preferably all dis yeye ges with their yeye attitude….i can’t shout!

Look dis boy stop cutting me eye this early morning…u can like to face your front and stop looking back, stop smiling, why he is smiling…mo ma ro go….see me see wahala…why is this boy smiling at me…and he is waving…do we know each other….am I supposed to wave back. Wait first! Make I look around sef….

I thought as much.

He was waving to someone behind me.

Thank you Lord for giving me the common sense to look back before I waved, you and you alone deserve all the glory…if it were up to me id be messing up at every five seconds but father you always come through for me.

When there is eye shadow smeared all over my face and all the wicked girls won’t tell me…father you direct me to my mirror.

When my fly is open, father you use all their perverted smiles to let me know.

When I am about to have mouth diarrhea, father u remind me of chichi…

When I am halfway to school in bathroom slippers…father the wind blows a lot more so I can feel the coldness on my feet.

When I look a hot mess after climbing off an okada, at that moment a car passes by and I see my sorry state.

What can I do without you father? Apparently nothing!!

When a lecturer is boring the heck out of me…..u make her leave just in the nick of time…phew! Thank God oh!

An the award for the most boring lecture goes to…

When I get too exited you make her come back and give us a bloody assignment…shucks!

Yeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!! My leg, see as this one just match me with im heels…sorry? Sorry for urself…dis chick has wounded me…ah! if na me match am now…..e no end for this class…idiyoot!!!

Move move move out of my way….who is pushing me…stop pushing! Jesus! I feel like cattle…small small now we will all get out but not if we are rushing like dis….wo! stop pressing your breast in my face…moooooooove!!! Yeee!!! Stop pushing!!! Lol am laughing but this is just so annoying…grown up folks like us can’t get out of the class without rushing and pushing…by the time pesin reach outside now..e go dey pack
breast back inside bra…moooove!!!!

Phew!!! i have so had it I am going home.I feel like playing ten ten.


BlackRose said...

lol.. mehn u dis babe, ur sumthin else.

nd of wch am actually first, yipee!!!

wavemasta said...

u and ur crazy and spellcheck...its "row", not "roll"..I hope u also dnt say "sturvs/stuffs"....anyways how u dey?

Ms. Catwalq said...

your brain functions on another totl wavelength...

sanchez said...

hey you! Sanchez speaking - and the post is hilarious, as usual. Naija's premiere blogger strikes again!

by the way, we are humbly trying to follow in thine divine foot steps - while trying to drum up some free publicity for ourselves as well

check it out at

Orientatednaijababe said...

babe, u r too much. I was at unilag over d summer and i got to see d rushing skills u guys possess; to be honest i was impressed.

Wat is wrong with unilag babes and the horrible stares sef?? Is it part of the curriculum?

Abeg let us know if u pass d test

bumight said...

I have just one question though: who is chichi?

SCOMISS said...

yea what is the story behind chichi abeg?

exschoolnerd said...

@blackrose...i try sweets!
@wavemasta...pesin no fit make mistake again...u must sha point am out..mchew!!

@ms catwalq..same goes for u missy.

@sanchez...u go pay me check it out!

@oriented naija crazy over here..i no know for unilag babes oh..they just have issues...

@bumight and scomiss..wud be back to gist yall

olu said...

This is effing funny, I'm laughing so hard. Anyways, I hope u pass the test, and if not, nothing do you jo!

I feel u on the dubbing thing jare, wetin person go do.

Unilag is a bitch. I swear.

Calabar Gal said...

O Girl, U don kolo oh! Na so everyday be for ya school? LOL!!


babes u r hillarious!!!! lol @ see as this one black like colour one weavon, i have to use that line on someborry men!!

princesa said...

"Nipples- check
Zip- check
Stomach in
No nonsense face on

Enters the class….finds a sit at the back

Stomach out!"

E be like say person get biggie belle o,lol!

NO worry just a few more years girl and you'll be out juggling with us in the corporate war front.

exschoolnerd said...

@olu...u cn say that again jare...meanwhile where is the mail u promised to send?

@calabar gal...yes o! na so evryday be..d thing taya me...long time..hope ur gud.

@36inches....abi o! use am mind the yeye girl! me matter of biggie belly...see ur mouth...its just that u know its not exctly it aint big!!! so i like to help myself out shame in my game o!

ineffable said...

babe, u dey craze, no go fail
whos d teasher? catwalq got it right a whole new we hav blog police or sumthing or
the stomach thingy works for me too, neva did a zip check or nipple check tho', its a confidence booster, rundown

Simi Speaks said...

OHHHH MY GAWD!! i was cracking up till the last sentence.. u are too much.. u got the picture right for real! hehehehe. cant stop laughing

InCogNaija said...

talk about wandering minds! i feel you jare, i am just like that too, except i just get online and blog when a class gets boring like that.

Anonymous said...

lmao, u'r a case without cover ex...............what? It jst reminds me of sec pe campus babes and bobos too dey push? oga o............i know u know it, but damn u'r 2 funny.......haha these ges.....dress ko aso ni.....i cant shout.......LMAO!

Naapali said...

"When I am about to have mouth diarrhea, father u remind me of chichi…"

Oh my you are too flatter, you are too flatter!

Chichi my love. Laide you are one kolo girl, in fact the original kolo of blogville

shola pacheco said...

laide, oga ho ur on another level of yabis,but i dey gbadun u sha u put the f into fun

hope ur cool

omohemi Benson said...

when pessin see you dem think say you be one normal quiet girl, dem no go know say you don craze finish.
nice one.

Afrobabe said...

lmao...babe, you wont kill me oh...I am laughing and coughing at the same time...see unilag that I would have given anything to attend back then oh...hahhahahah

Anonymous said...


Sha said...

Nipples- check
Zip- check
Stomach in
No nonsense face on

u crack me up!

AlooFar said...

U're something else.

Anonymous said...

Girl, ur the funniest human being on earth..i've been stalking this ur blog..i just went back and read the post.."letter to Adekanye West" ur so funny..can't stop laughing..LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

Anu boy said...

girl, shey you no go update niiiii... hjaba

InCogNaija said...

U r tew funny girl...i feel your P!!

Tyger said...

this post somehow makes my day!... your mind is a journey into another level of

Anonymous said...

@desperate lady- You are such a liar. I have just read your blog and am going to copy it and send it to cally. You think you can lie behind her becos you have uninvited her. Bitch half the people that read your blog are friends with her so quit lying. Why did you say you curse the person that gave her your number as if that is not the number she has always had for you and talked to you as confused child and unknown blogger? If you are not confused child and unknown blogger how come you always answered the phone and spoke to her. Maybe you would soon say that unknown blogger sold you her phone the way you lied that she is your cousin. Liar.
You are trying to convince people that cally called you to beg you. Bitch I saw her comments here when she asked afrobabe to delete the comments and that yall had sorted it out. She told me that she spoke to unaked and deleted her comments becos of him. Am so mad at her for doing that after what the ass kisser wrote here about her becos you promised him America.
So why are you lying that she called you and begged you? Or are you trying to convince people further that you are not confused child and unknown blogger. Bitch people don't buy it. They laugh behind your back asshole. Stop telling lies and get a life. And if you like uninvite me also. There are more people that have access to your blog that would spill the beans idiot.
Leave cally alone you idiot and stop talking about her child and hubby. Since it is hard for you to get either that you have to come online to desperately find one leave her alone. I know her very well and you are not in her class you thrashy drug pushing slot.

exschoolnerd said...

@ anonymous..which wan now consain me in cally and desperate lady matter that u came to post ur own here..abeg o! crazy d drama comot from my page...thnx!

uchevelli said...

very impressive, i love ur sense of humour and ur style of writting, check out my blog

wellsbaba said...

post somthing new naw!aba,u hav been starvin me of those ur hilarious gists

Obinwanne said...

i really share ur view...happened to me last thursday...came to a class 30 mins late on wednesday and the man was like, make sure u dont come to class this late ever...its was a tutorial not a lecture so we were a handfull and everybody knows everybody and 20mins...the class is over and the guy is we meet tomorrow....and i sha signed the attendance paper...i didnt know tomorro was test and here i coem tomorrow to cass and its a Maths test....who can i dubbing for here ooohh....and im there like ewoooo......i banged the thing sha....

Nigerian Web Developer said...

You are incredible, peeps like u makes the Nigerian Web Community hippy!

Zephi Fahrenheit said...

gosh ur all types of crazy..lmao

Charizard said...

girl! u dey lag sef! can u imagine and we never jam?