Saturday, 16 August 2008

A thief in Hall 9

That’s how I was sleeping oh, just about the time when Michael( Gulder ultimate search winner who won 7million amongst other things) was about to put the ring on my finger that I heard won kain yeye Yoruba laden voice reminiscent of a market woman’s…..

Wake up oh, come ouside o , they haf stoli my foni o….(they have stolen my fone)…wake up yio….jesus!!! jesus!!!...wake up o, there are thiefs (thieves) in this hosteli o,eh o…ye o!.i never see this ka of thing in my laff (i’ve never seen this kind of thing in my life)


I was like ta ni yen..ah hah... at this ungodly hour….I thought I was in a bad Yoruba movie, the voice sounded like sweetat’s….she happens to be one of our three newest recruits in our hostel, prior to their arrival(the recruits), we had sane people and no aristo girls in our hostel o…cut the long story short she’s a very razz aristo girl ,uncouth ,loud and all…she got the name sweetat cause when u greet her in an attempt to act tushed she replies “hi sweetat fine ghels (hi sweetheart, fine girls)…in some universe only she knows about that probably makes sense…apparently she and her roommate had their four fones stolen…anyways oh. I was scared that the perpetrator might still be around but since everyone was outside I went out too. I checked for my fone first, and found it on the window sill…

I was still on my bed until my friend announced that her net was torn and her fone was on the window sill and it was also stolen, that’s when I got up…sweetat and her roommate also had their nets torn but according to them the person entered thru the door cause they don’t lock their door and took their four fones without making a sound, the room is very small...with two bunks but they sleep on the floor so there’s hardly any space for a person to walk around and the fones were not all in one place but the invisible thief managed to steal four fones without waking them up…

Someone else upstairs had a gaping hole in her net and 8,000 was stolen from her wallet, her bag and locker were rummaged through and her weed-smoking roommate who acts like she’s on crack 24-7 was like the prime suspect and claimed to have lost her ipod, an ipod no one has seen with their korokoro eyes even her roommate and they are only two in the room, I know she has a music player cause that’s what she listens to when she’s singing what sounds like the ibo version of Jordin sparks “No air” …or “no yair “ according to her….with a voice that would render Simon Cowell speechless…but its not an Ipod…their room isn’t big either….as in you can touch the walls with both hands….so how did it happen that someone was able to enter a room that they were sure they locked, rummage thru the lockers and bags and none of them woke up…as in the thing taya me….either it was an inside job or jazz was involved. The only explanation is that someone with a key was responsible cause how could they enter take their time to search the lockers and no one woke up….anyways they decided they have to start searching and start with that room first….and announced that anyone who wants to continue searching should do so but no one made a move…

It was later discovered that they used fire to burn the nets..maybe that why no one heard but how can u explain how they entered a locked room!?!?!?!

After being searched crazy, crack gurl too start calling some random person saying “ I am going to call my boys to come and search everybody how can they search only me…..bla bla bla..yada yada yada” we all told her to go and search but she didn’t so I don’t understand her blabbing.


Boys wo ni yen, u cant just send anybody to come and search us, except he’s a police officer, before you bring somebody who will now come and see what we have and come back another day to rob us again.

Minutes later one idiot in a sleeveless arsenal jersey and jeans with a face like a badger’s ass comes and says he wants to start searching that he was sent by the d.p.o….that’s hw this banker chick puts a call to the d.p.o to confirm and gives the guy to speak..and he starts blabbing some incoherent rubbish…we asked him for his i.d he couldn’t produce it…he started acting all offended saying “ I just came here to help a friend and u people are talking like this to me, am a graduate…” who asked you question, we said produce your i.d, you cant just walk in here and say u are an officer dressed like a vulcanizer and without an i.d….how will we be sure….he now got angry, acting like he was offended and started leaving…okponu…..


Crack girl no gree o! I was even angry…what did they even steal from her that she’s calling all and sundry…Ipod that no is is sure she even had…anyways she go call some kpenkelemese army boys oh…shuooo..as in this girl is “connected” oh…who she go call next..they continue that silly search but alas found nothing….neways methinks it was all staged and I am seriously suspecting sweetat or crack gurl herself…but who knows sha…I guess we shud be more careful….there are like probably 15 laptops in the hostel and other valuable stuff and people are lucky they didn’t get to that.


When I came back from class I heard crack gurl said she later discovered that her fone and wristwatch were missing…it all seems very fishy and like I said its either an inside job by a girl with serious liver or someone enlisted the help of juju…cause its just plain weird.


Meanwhile sweetat was offering 10k for her sim card, there must be some really important phone numbers on that sim, when that didn’t yield any results she started getting fetish,saying the person will die by car accident in seven days and ..i just got disgusted….sometimes we need to screen the peeps that move into this hostel….by afternoon crack gurl had a new hair-do and was loloxing…hmm hmmm hmmmm…


Funny thing is my fone was on my window sill it wasn’t stolen, and my bed is near the window, I can like to shift it before in an attempt to burn my net, the barawo’s set my weavon on fire….




And to think….gosh…God is wonderful…*waves hand in the air*..he is a miracle working God….and to think…I wanted crack-gurl to be my roommate when she first came cause she had a t.v and dvd player and I didn’t then but she declined…..and I felt a lil sad…not because of her, couldn’t care less about her ….but u see every disappointment is a blessing…..cause her weed smoking ass would have choked me and my asthmatic roommate, her ghastly way of ibolizing every song would have run me mad….her scion-scoin lified life would not sit well with me…..as in it would have been war in my room and it would have ended in me grinding canfour and putting it in her food or something…

Gosh this hostel is getting too crazy for me to handle…and it all started going downhill when the owner died….don’t know if I can stay here next year but don’t know where else I could possibly stay.

21 comments:

mizchif said...

1st, YAY!!!!

Na wa for dis ur hostel & all d characters in it.
You see how the ways of the Lord are not our ways, u for don dey stinkaweed, because of t.v & dvd, wey u get for ur papa hse, but God too like u.
As for keeping ur fone on d window sill, me i don't understand.
And ur bed, maybe u can just leave it, so if they try to burn the net & ur weavon catches fire, then u can sound the alarm by screaming fire, fire, so d tiff will run away. hehehehe!

exschoolnerd said...

@mizchif...my bed is by the window so i keep stuff on the window sill and i usually leave my fone there sumtimes...i don see sey u no like me at all at all..make my weavon catch fire shey?

Naija Idol said...

2ND!!!!.*accepts trophy* thank u. thank u. ur far too kind.

Mz. Dee said...

3RD!
lmao!!

crack gurl.. hmm. Sha u may not b4 far 4rm the truth!
Thank god she's not ut roommate o!!

10K?? for sim card?? Let her go and retrieve the line jo...and wait for those "important" numbers to call her.

Thank god 4 u o! Dis ur hostel is rily sumn.. lol @ crack gurl'z version of No Air!

Naija Idol said...

so much drama in this ur hostel. u r really lucky ur fone wasnt stolen. Better move ur bed ooo, cos if ur weavon catch fire, all other places when get hair go catch fire too.like ur eyebrows, eyalashes, i nor talk any oda thing o. crack girl and sweetat get problem. they seriously need to be checked.

bumight said...

laide! enu e mu!

what would a hostel be without all the drama? Every hostel needs one sweetat, don't u think?
you should try keeping your phone on your bed.

Chari said...

I swear bumight caught the words in ma throat...ahnahn!

well sha...nuin do u...was great jammin u in schl o!

I was gone comment bau sth but I withol' am...

Afrobabe said...

wow, the characters in ur hostel are dead hilarious....

crackgirl just cracks me up..pun inteded...

jazzz, hmmm anything is possible but seems like a set up...

10k for sim card, she must have some mad aristo numbers in there...

exschoolnerd said...

@chari..what were u going to comment about oya spill now now!!!

yeah nice jammin u too.

@mz dee...am thankng God too o.

@naija idol...abi i'll c if i can move it sef...


@Bumight....my hostel can do without her oh..her prblem is 3 much...

@afrobabe....abi...4 her to be ofering 10k

theicequeen said...

chaii! i see a business opportunity here! i'll come down to that hostel with camera crew and make one kain badass reality show, i won't even have to spend money on script writers!!

lol.mehn,thank God say He carry crak gurl waka outta your side...

badderchic said...

Laide,

Oooo gbadun se o mo sa?

olu said...

LOL at "no yair" & "grinding cnfour and putting it in her food". Pls, don't sleep too close to the window; the last thing we need is a story on how your hair got burnt. ::suppressing laughter so as not to wake my roommates::

TinTin said...

hahhaaa...i've died..i'm telling..u crack me up big time!!

i suspect its an inside job...if the room is that small they would have heard something..when its not as if they were drugged!!

Buttercup said...

i cuda sworn i've commented here already!

u made me laugh so hard..gosh!!!

i hope u get alternative accommodation if the need arises..

Kin'shar said...

nice blog, how are you?

rayo said...

pele oh. na wa 4 ur hostel

Woomie O! said...

Scoin-scoinlified life!!!
lol!!!!
Omo! dem go carry person go for that your hostel o!
Shine your eyes o!
And stay away from CRACK-GURL!!!!

flabby said...

du know something?? i dont acually undastand half of the stuff in this..but i liked reading it!

Black Berry said...

i totally c us being blog sisters!lol

bighead said...

The perils of living with pple are great. Just avoid crack-weed sister's trouble sha. I hope she doesn't blog

Invisible said...

Wow, thanks for finding me on my blog. I haven't heard some naija lingo in a while and I had a good laugh reading 'scoin scoin' and 'okponu'.
Keep writing abeg and make sure they dont set your weave-on on fire.

By the way, I'm seeing 'Laide'. Who be Laide, no be Yinka call yaself to that okponu. How you sef go dey school, no get biro. I know I'm mixing two posts but flow with me.