Saturday, 20 September 2008

My first love/lust/like...whatever mahn!

I got a photo comment on facebook recently, from someone that I used to really like and it just brought back a lot of memories, okay this person, this boy was the first boy I ever really really liked that liked me back …I was what..maybe 16 or 17…finished secondary school 15, jamb was jamming me…spent sum years at home and that’s how I got hooked to the internet…I can’t remember how we met now…but I just know I liked this boy stupidly, senselessly and foolishly…Ii mean he was the first boy to show like real interest in me…oh yeah there was Tunji when I was in jss2 but that one denied me three times like Peter from the bible when my mumcy found out…okay so we exchanged numbers and we would text each other sweet nothings…it was during the time when GSM was introduced into naija…and not a lot of people had fones because they were real expensive…but mumcy and pupcy had fones and so I would use mumcy’s fone to text him, I remember she had one R220 Samsung that was like the flyest thing then..lol…not so much now and she had this message tone- tan tan na tan tan tan tan…in the early hours of the morning id sneak into her room to send him a text before she goes to work, when she comes back….all am waiting to hear is the message tone and when I eventually do hear it…my body cannot stay one place..chei! the thing used to shack me…I kept diaries and id write about this boy all day…I even learnt morse code…yes morse code….so my mumcy wont be able to read my diary….the things I wrote ehn….

This one time mumcy took my cousin and I to prayer city (the MFM version of Redeem camp, along Lagos/ibadan expressway way) for deliverance that lasted a week. Other times when we had gone there for deliverance we’d sleep in the car but then they finally built guest rooms so we got a nice cosy room this time around. You would think the fact that I was in church, fasting (dry) for two of the five days I was supposed to be there that I would forget this boy….but nooo!!!!...this one night mumcy was sleeping…and I heard the message tone…Jeez!!!...i woke up immediately…her fone was in her bag and sometimes my mumcy can act one kain one kain wen it comes to her stuff….there I was while everyone was sleeping, thinking of how ill get off the bed without waking her….tip toe to her bag that was on the floor near her…crouch and rummage it for her fone without her waking up and tearing me one slap….cause she can and she would…

I got off the bed, contemplated it for a second, I can check it 2mrw when she’s having her bath I thought. I heard the message tone again…mo da ran!...it cant wait till 2mrw o!...i brace myself….i bend down slowly……put my hand in her bag…she turns…I freeze with my hand still inside…but she doesn’t open her eyes..phew….i manage to grab the rope of the phone and gently pull it out…phew!

As I guessed it was from him, more sweet nothings, more I miss u’s..more I wish I was there with u...neways i reply him and we text back and forth for a while…I lay on the bed now and turn my back to her..and keep typing away forgetting that I am wasting her credit…its like 2:00am now and am still doing “I love you, talk your own”….next thing I hear…”iru omo wo le le….kpa kpa kpo kpo kpa kpa kpo kpo…that’s how she’ll be pressing the buttons….gi..gi.gimme my fone…idiyoooot!!!....sending text to a man at this time of the day….she snatches her fone from my hand….

“I am not texting a man, am texting a boy” I almost say….
She hisses…puts the fone beside her on the bed and almost immediately is asleep.


There I am sulking, I assume my position and try to sleep…just then I hear

tan tan na tan tan tan tan…..lol….my eyes fly open immediately…my heart starts pounding faster…I need to get that fone…I really need to….i sit up and for the next 30minutes am staring at my mum and the fone beside her….chei! na who take this boy curse me now…na so love they sweet person belle….10 minutes later I can’t take it anymore….i stand up and tip toe to her side and gently I reach for the fone..if this woman opens her eyes and sees me….i am done for…but it is a risk I am willing to take for love…hehehe…anyways..i have mastered fone stealing skills so I take it without waking her up and this time I head for the toilet so she wont be able to hear my kpa kpa kpoing….

I read his text and I feel all giddy inside…and then I reply…..just as I am about to send the text one olorigbeske person that I used the fone to text during the day…flashes….confused the fone slips out of my hand…I bend to catch it and bang my head on the sink….the fone hits the floor yakata and scatters…i am so done for now…there’s no way she didn’t hear all that ruckus…chei o! ah…this woman will kill me this nite….i wait for a while…and then someone tries to open the door….ah mo gbe!....who sent me o!....well I died for a good cause….

My cousin enters, sleep in her eyes scratching her tummy…

“Piss piss” she says….

I hiss..its even you…what is piss piss…open ur eyes jare before u urinate on the floor…she staggers towards me..i knock her…she shouts…yeeeeeeee!!!

Mumcy shouts from inside…

“Woo omo yi ti n ba ti n ba ki e mole…will u urinate and get out now”

“Laide where’s my fone!”

I don’t answer….Laide!

Ma! I come out of the bathroom looking scared as ever…

Ma!

“You have a problem you know, there is something really wrong with you. Who are you texting, which man are you texting?

There she goes again with the man thing.

“Its my classmate” I say..like she needs the long story…

“Your head is not correct”…

My only saving grace is that she doesn’t know how to access her text messages….

If she could,she’ll ask..”It’s your classmate that you are telling- I wish you were here, kissing and touching me shey? She’ll ask me…then she’ll bang the fone on my head and seal everything with two abara’s…

Ge ge get out from my sight jare!

Gosh I felt so bad….i just went to curl on my side of the bed….i think she put off the fone…wait till she sees how much of her credit I spent tomorrow…and its then she’ll really kill me….i finally sleep sha…

The next morning all thru the prayer session I just kept imagining what she would do to me, but luckily for me it was the day we broke our fast….the wonderful thing that hunger is, it can make you forget a lot of things at the sight of food….

I heard tan tan na tan tan tan tan…all day but I didn’t venture touch the fone….no sireee!!!

Our love nwatin tin continued for years oh…before we now met…and he stood me up cause he didn’t like how I looked..and said some hurtful things..i think his words were “ I saw u but no one wants that”…that being me…if I were some white chick id have committed suicide cause back then my self esteem was non-existent..but funny thing is his words made me change…from the drab looking person I was to someone who I was happy to be…yes I probably didn’t look that good then, cause I didn’t bother about how I looked or what I wore…but I still felt like he shouldn’t have stood me up because of that….we were like very good friends…its been years now..did all that not mean anything…after all the trouble I used to go to texting and all..anyways I stopped talking to him after the text he sent…but after like 2months…he sent a text apologizing saying we shud go back to how it was and we became friends again..but we lost touch afterwards….like 4 years later I start seeing him and he goes out of his way to say hi and this time am looking fly but right now m looking past him..it was fun while it lasted…..the kpa kpa kpoing and all…..

20 comments:

badderchic said...

Emi ni ma koko jeri si agbara oluwa...

FIRST yeeee meeen!

wavemasta said...

The guy no serious standing u up because of your looks..well he left the coast clear ...orobo loving for lyfe mehn!

Chari said...

2nd!!!!

Chari said...

arggghh!!!

3rd...shit!

Sting said...

I thot the story was really sweet until i read what he said to u. I'm glad u are not a white chic and didn't kill urself. What would blogville be without exschoolnerd?

Glad u got past that.

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

his a jerk
for that stupid ass comment he made
but lmao over the phone incident with your mum

exschoolnerd said...

@ badderchic..congrats at being first, now translate what u typed in yoruba for me
@ charizard...if i slap u ehn, post a comment and stop doing 1st,3rd on my blog...

@wavemasta.MDM,Sting....Am glad i didnt kill myself too o....when i finally even met the dude sef..no be say im fine or netin...if na fine boy nau we for tlk sey..okay....neways iv forgotten abourrit!!!!

NaijaBabe said...

lollll that was funny...kpa kpoing

musco said...

dn't forget i told u to write a novel or better still do an autobiography.if u do,i will definitely become ur manager??????

hilarious as usual!

geisha.song. said...

Thats so funny... I had almost that same experience, stealing my mums phone to do love wantintin. Once we fought and i txtd from my dads phone and he txtd back and my dad read it and called him back! Needless to say i denied it, but my dad didnt buy it.

badderchic said...

I had to step out, Im back.

dont you know the song? it is I who would first attest to the power of God...you asked for a word for ward translation abi? lol

the boy is a mongoloid but ehn Ex you know sey very few guys can handle chics like us na haba! lol

Minky said...

Nonsense boy, how could he have said that!? Quite heartless & Lol...you have liver o.

pink-satin said...

ouch!!those words hurt!!he is a first class jerk some guys can be so mean!!i know he was a kid then too but i tell you some grown ass men can say that too!!!

Buttercup said...

hahaha that was funny!!

LOL @ "tan tan na tan tan tan tan"!

that was a terrible remark he made..glad u got past it..

mizchif said...

I miss those days of stealing popsi's fone to do love sha!
I was such a master of stealing fone ehn, i had some James Bond moves sef.
My own was good cuz popsi had a contract line, so there was no fear of finishing credit. Plus d guy did not even know how to use d fone sef.

The beauty of young love, all the foolish and crazy things some of did back then!

Afrobabe said...

There I was laughing my head off imagining you sneaking around with mumcy's fon only the read the boys comment...Some people are just plain mean...I dont know how you ever spoke nicely with him after that, I would have spent the rest of my nightsssssssssss planning evil things to do to him...

Mz. Dee said...

That dude is the lowest of low!!!

Laide u no slap am??

Hiss... but i'm glad it made u a better person!!

Come o... dis one u were doin lovingitis in MFM.. dem no talk say u get "spirit husband"??

Tigeress said...

LMHO!!! My dear, u are hilarious!!!

John Tapiya Joseph said...

Laide you are wonderful you kept me awake just reading your sweet nonsense, anyway more grease to your what this time? If you know complete am as I no see money go university so I just dey manage the one wey dem teach me for my Vocational School.

Keep it UP girl!!!!!!!!!!!

Latifa said...

hmmmmmmmmmm...nothing compares to 1st true love!

mehn i cnt believe he stood u up...his lost...betta fish 4 u 2 catch! winks*