Thursday, 29 January 2009

Thoughts in my head during a class!!!

So the doo-doo brains at the Faculty of Education finally decided to renovate the decrepit edu hall…I swear I was always scared the damn roof was gonna cave in on us during one of our faculty lectures when the hall is packed….stupid people didn’t knw they’d start renovating during the hols so when school starts we’ll have somewhere to use for our faculty courses…ssemester is almost over and they havnt even started real work on it..and it’s the only place that can take us all..so what do the do they move us to one of the Multi purpose halls where they rent for weddings and other events so we gata make do with plastic chairs and tables and it is so friggin hot…they don’t even put on the AC for us…how wicked could they be at least if the place was airy it wouldn’t be that bad.

I have a class now! I am quite early sha…whaaat…last week the chairs and tables were all set up for us but this week the hall con empty…

So man pikin go have to start carrying chair and table from the back..what sort of rubbish is this….mchew!!!!

I better gaan carry one for me and that foolish gurl yinka that is always late..iv told her she’ll be late for her wedding too…chei I have to walk infront of all this people with this my vibrating buttcheeks..….this one wey Igo wear thong 2day… …m feeling so self conscious..lol…but it was d only thing I cud wear with these pants…these sesky looking pants…

Abegi jare!

I grab 2 chairs after squeezing through the crowd and find a space to set it…now a table…chei how do I safe guard these chairs now…ill just put my bag on it…shud i? wat if dem steal am…no dey wont…how I go do am now…if dat stewpid gurl was around this wud have been easier…

I see this boi that I greeted earlier, we r just watcup..how u dey friend..cause me no won take am further..he stays on the street near mine…I see him coming my way with a table…ope o! maybe he wants us to share…

Maybe not….

O boy just carry the table pass me! ..mcheeeeeeeeeeew!!!!! chei and I had that look on my face like I was expecting him to put it infront of me..he must have been thinking…ode! No go carry ur own table…shet! I will treat his fuck up! He cant even be a gentleman and give me his own table..

There is no problem ill gaan get mine,,vibrating buttcheeks or not…so na this small space all of us go pass with our chairs and tables …okay I fit pass mine through the windows…I’ll pass it to some bois inside and ill go in and carry it….but m scared by the time I enter some people feeling smart with themselves go just take am….gotta get in fast! oya move now!!..excuse me!!! Plix the leg of ur chair is poking my side…carry this thing up now…some people don’t have sense I swear!…enter!!!!..chei! they’ll take my table oh..plsss!!! move…phew! Finally…

Now to get my…..

Table…where is my table..i see two barawos walking off wt it…

Where are u carrying that table to!

Excuse me! Excuse me!

Be acting like u cant hear me oh! I will collect that table today…

Excuse me that’s my table….they turn around smiling…who dey smile with u…if I chook u this biro ehn…

That’s my table!

“Can we share with u?” one of the heediot asks…

I dirrin even look at him…oloriburuku….after I suffer go carry table for outside….una one gbaju me…

“I am not sitting here I told the maloo and grabbed my table from the two fools…agbaya oshi’s a gurl went to carry table outside u two elede’s siddown jaburata dey wait steal her table…thunda strike that u and that ur trouser wey dey fear ground…con gimme my thing jare….

I went thru the arduous task of carrying the table to the back…I was scared my bag was gone but found it but with only one chair!! Why do sum people always feel they r fast and smart….

The person that stole that chair will have pile for 3 weeks…morrafucka! I didn’t wake up by 6:30 to get here early n secure a sit so one fool will take it…wo I cant get another chair wen that perpetual latecomer of a friend called yinka comes she’ll find chair for herself…if not…I no go meet this table!

Pls sister can I share table with u

I turn around and see this dude!

U cant gaan carry ur own ni…see as person dress fine finish con dey carry chair n table they sweat like ram…gaan suffer ur own too..but I said

“ well am sharing it with someone but u can sha manage”

“thanks”

mcheeeeew!!!

This lecturer can dictate note sha…wrist don dey pain person…this is the fifth page already…chai…shey I no 4 do sex education instead….as in…u know…that one would have been sweet..who no go pass…who no go attend class…am sure that’s one of the courses people pass a lot…why o why wasn’t it one of my required courses…instead!!!

Gosh this permanent frapas called a thong is very annoying…all because of VPL oh!(visible panty line) .shey VPL don kill person before..abi if I get VPL I go go hell…never again…this is the last time I put myself thru torture..i don get new catapult!

(*Frapas- when ur panties slip in between ur buttcheeks and become uncomfortable

This guy can like to stop asking questions so this lecturer can leave…ahan wat is it..whenever it feels like the lecturer wan comot im go raise hand

“Scuss me ma!”

and no be sey na queshun wey get sense im dey ask o!


upon all the suffer suffer I do for that yeye yinka she go siddon sumwer else…

Hmm I got a text! From my ashawo friend…we don dey send rubbish rubbish messages ooh!! Na im even put me for trouble wey I go mistakenly send my reply to popcy’s fone..

Popcy for call me…cane in one hand…bowl of pepper in the other….oya off pant and lie down here…shey this is what I sent u to school to be doin shey..u go tell me when u turn puff puff wey u want make person dey eat u..oniranu omo oshi…

But as God wil have it(gosh that is such a Nigerian line) the next day popcy fone get small madness…my ashawo friend sey the fone no fit handle the kind ashawo text im receive…lol..na so my papa com hand me the fone the next day sey make I look am…me wey don dey dream of how I go enter im room steal d fone n delete the text…cause I no sey popcy no dey bother read im msgs im go just think sey na from INzain…im just deliver am for my hand..i swear God works in mysterious ways!

I am going to do sumthing for us this yeye gurls wey no sabi close yansh…if to sey the camera for this fone no get brain touch…I go dey take ..compile am…print am out….and post am for notice board “Can u identify your butt crack”..i mean why would u buy a trouser that’s clearly not ur freaking size n wen u sit down all ur butt go jus spill out they assault the eyes of other people….if na fine butt crack at least we no go too angry but not dis…lapa lapa infested dirty looking ones..some gurls just don’t have sense…...dey gv ur self wahala..all in d name of wearing low waist jeans…

So dese gurl even dey do this course……no be im and im friends wey me and yinka jam yesterday for were we go chop…chei JENIFA has nothing on these chics...very uncouth set of gurls…see as dem turn the place to market yesterday…
“silifat I go shop hout hof ur rize hooo!!!. U go shop wetin?….na so dem start to dey fight for the food..they use spoon dey knack plate dey beg each other for food…as in some people just don’t know how to shut up and behave in public places….one of them just they tabon like no 2morrow…”you know am a fine babes!” she said it like 3 times I almost chocked on my meat…na wa o….na so so SULIAT’s AYE TORO KAN’S full UNILAG…dey pretend like JENIFA’S….dont be fooled by how dey look oh..make dem just open mouth…u go fear tabon!

Lecturer is asking if we are tired!


Yes we are tired ma! Can we go now..there r some curries that need 2 b scoped…

Lol….she still dey dictate ooh!!!

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawns! Gosh my 200 level lecturers were so interesting…plus I could get my fine boi scoping on…e be like sey everybody don dey ugly…where r all d fine bois now.....ok spotted one…chei! dey used 2 b everywhere…..

I cant scope fine bois
Lecture is borin
Not taking sex education
My wrists are about to collapse
My friend is sumwer else so we cant gossip
I don’t have credit to text my ashawo friend
….could this day be any more horrid….


Yes it can…I just found out this is a two hour lecture not one!

Shoot me!

50 comments:

Tigeress said...

post is long will have to come back. :)

Tigeress said...

Let me claim my territory now. Afrobabe- i'm FIRST!!! lol!

~Sirius~ said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
~Sirius~ said...

BANG!
This was freaking hilarious!!! And don't get me started on that whole carrying chair nonsense!
As for those "fyne babes"- LOL!!! and skinny babes with their cracks (As far as I'm concerned they have no butts), God help us.
May He keep working in mysterious ways for you oh!!! I pity you.

Hmmmm, JENIFA! am I the only one who hasn't seen this movie?

TY Tha Mos Magnificent said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
TY Tha Mos Magnificent said...

dope ass blog. UNILAG and butt cracks is like Allen Avenue and ashies. they go 2geda.

Temite said...

buhahahahahaha. Funny sturvs men. I watched some parts of that Jenifa movie and I must say that shit is hilarious o. Errrr na only God go save you, how can you send the yeye testmessage to your fathers phone. Chei I fo pee in my pants o, if that na me. Chei chei chei. Hmmmm na wa o. na waaa for you. Enjoy your two hour class. hehehehe

Nefertiti said...

and ur papa no 'don jazzy e'? My papa for know o. and I go jus jejely write my death certificate ni.

LMAO@ vibrating buttcheeks

bumight said...

so this is what u're going to class to do ehn? eyin UNILAG bigs gehls!

Tigeress said...

finally- read it.

lol@ text message sent to Popsie's phone. I'm sure he saw it and didnt know how to deal- so came up with a reason for u to check his phone.

As for the thongs- me i try to avoid wearing them. boy-shorts are the in-thing. :)

celestocalculus said...

What's ur statistics?

bArOquE said...

abeg eh, this post long die...i go read am later...meanwhile, i'm still having those visions...*wink*

zara (my alter ego) said...

lol!! hilarious post.. i realli like wen i hear " u might like to move ur ynash" or something like that..lol... i still havent seen that movie oo.. i hope i like it as much as the rave reviews..

teecity said...

LOL WAS LAUGHING ALL THROUGH. YES OH THERE R PLENTY SULIATS IN SKOOL.

mizchif said...

In class oh! U deserve flogging!
Yeye puffpuff like u, continue 2dey find who to chop u, until ur papa use pepper help u make d puff puff spicier!

Buttercup said...

hahahahahahahaha!!!!!! poor u!

miz-cynic said...

TELL ME BOURRIT...i remember lag days wey we go sit for staircase they gist instead. of receing lectures inside lecture theatres.....but then lag get fine guys well well...plus including babes sef.....as in u go scope guys so te....u go dey scope babes join....with all their effizy

CaramelD said...

“silifat I go shop hout hof ur rize hooo!!!. "

HILARIOUS!!!!

If that had been my Dad's phone Iw ould have just gone into the back garden and started digging my own grave. You would have heard my True Hollywood Story on E! LOL

Keep wearing your thongs oh jare, nothin do you. Glad you are feeling betterx

CaramelD said...

BTW, where is the answer to the previous post now?????

Afrobabe said...

Tigresss nooooooooooo, I should be first...

Sirius you need to see that movie, even I have seen it..lol..it's subtitled..

Omo, you are too funny lmao...see dramma in ur head..kai if popcy had read that message that would have been a 3 post blog...lollucky escape...

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

LMAO!!!!!!
post was a bit difficult for me to read coz of the lingo but it was so funny, that boy served you right by not giving you his table, and the wobbly butt cheeks, girl get those cheeks tones asap lol

theicequeen said...

thunda strike that u and that ur trouser wey dey fear ground…

LMAOOOO!! this is the best description i've seen so far for people that their trousers are suffering from MJ syndrome!!!!

chaiii o..laff wan kill me mehn, the chicks with their jenifa stunts kwa...hai wan to shop ya rize..said the fine babes...mai LORD! and God just save you for that text sumtin....puffpuff :))

Funms-the rebirth said...

lol......@ ur vibrating butt chics...
so no fine boy to help u carry table.... eh ya
as per d Jenifa babes, hilarious.......

AustynZOGS said...

Excu...
If you no kill person for this Blogville,no other parson go fit!Girl,you are a genius.Keep on being you.

LusciousRon said...

You are one funny lady.
Sending that ashewo msg to dad's phone is freaking crazy. Thank God he didn't figure it out. If na my papa, una go see my obituary for paper.

Butt cracks are so annoying and its all over the place. Really we should start taking those pictures and pasting it.

Carrying chairs is sooo annoying it reminds me off jambite days when we have all those geenral classes.
Those boys really silly. No gentleman amongst them.

I hate thongs. VPL i shall risk any day but with boy shorts you are home free.

When you are used to your classmates you don't see their fineness anymore jare.

exschoolnerd said...

@sirius...u havnt seen the MOVIE!!!

@TY.u can say that again

@Temite and Nefertiti..na slip of hand oh...and no be d first time i don do that thing..and m thinking e no go b d last...i go still hear wehn!! na only God save me.

@Bumight..lol..wetin i do o?

@Tigeress..i know my father..if he saw it he'l let me know...


@Baroque..common will u gaan read it!!!

@Zara..its a funny movie ul like it..hvnt seen part 2 sha so cant vouch for that one..let me know wen u finally wtch it.

@teecity..u too dey c dem shey?

@mizchif..i steal ur lollipop? u hate me ooh...lol @ yeye puf puf...

@buttercup..abi..na so so suffer suffer 4 dt skool on a daily

@Mizcynic..i know ul be among the stabbers...n yelz unilag has fine BWOIS!!!!..ye i cn spend all day staring at dose sexy maraposca's

@Carameld...thanks dear..lol..do yall really need answers to my previous post?

@Afrobabe..3 post kini...shey i go even get hand type anything...lol

@MDM..ahan...the boy doesnt know he effed up...lerrim see me n shine his yeye teeth...he'll see..idiot oloshi..

@icequeen..lol..e be like sey dis puffpuff one turn ma new name..abeg o!!!!..lol...

@Funms...as in me sef wonder..no body fit even come help damsel in distress..chei duz unilag bois r very useless..

@Austyn..thnx dear!

@Luciousron..true true..no gentleman oh.na to dey steal chair dey ask if dey can share...mcheeeew!!! i shud try boy shorts o!

olu said...

LOL. LOL. LOL. Those girls might just have been on the movie set of JENIFA 3. Where is the answer to the last post now? My mind is a cesspool.

PS: Thank you for reminding me the semester is almost over. *off to read my SCHOOL books*

FineBoy Agbero said...

u know u are crazy abi?

I must tell ur papa o! Na wetin u dey do for school be dis?

And there's a toosh name for dat ur "frapas" thingie: Wedgie, baby!

simplegal said...

LOL LOL LOL!!! All this is class? Only you!

The nerve of the boy to come sit w/ you after you carried the table by yourself!

lol @ butt cracks and 'fine babes'.

and you are so blessed...my dad with his eagle eyes so would've read that, and I would just resign myself to some HUGE trouble!

em...am I the only one who hasn't watched 'Jenifa'?

wellsbaba said...

OH MY GAWD! dis girl u will nt kill sombori..mommy sent u to skul to listen to lectures look at what ur doin in class???! lol just do ur thing o jare

Latifa said...

looooool...hilarious! priceless!

***I have to walk infront of all this people with this my vibrating buttcheeks***

***trouser that fears the ground***
**frapa***
***lapa lapa*** lool

Laide pls reduce this ur pidgin...towards the end i had 2 read 3ce to make sense of wat u wrote woman!!

Enkay said...

Very funny post!
It's my first time here and I'm also new to blogville.

I read quite a few of your older posts and I'll say you do write well!

I should come back here again!

AlooFar said...

too mush drama in UNILAG.

AlooFar said...

Oh, thanks for the birthday message.

LIL WOMAN said...

GOSH! this post is so long and funny! LAIDE! LAIDE!! LAIDE!!! How many times did i call your name? is that what i sent you to do in school? you shud be very happy that your lecturer is kind enuff to stay for 2hrs and not one. dont you like school? plus, you can still attend the sex education class even if you dont get to write the exam...let me go before my comment becomes as long as ur post...

Severus Snape said...

Naughty you...
I get similar thoughts sometimes though...

Severus Snape said...

You were lucky with your dad. Kai! Narrow escape.

~Sirius~ said...

Where are you? Reading for exams or......?
Happy Vals day!
Your spot is gathering cobwebs.....
Hurry p and come back.

Ms. Catwalq said...

i swear, you are a case....

CaramelD said...

Where are you? Have you vanished into the ether?

Smaragd said...

long post but funny...lol

isnt life as a student in naija the bestest? lmao...long lectures, no space, mad hours,etc. pele

p.s., u really should do the buttcrack thing!

genius4life said...

wel don ooo..so gbo.. keep texting ya ashewo friend...i wonder wen last i even received a text message frm u gan..mchewww

Woomie O! said...

HAAACCE! PSSSTTT ! PSSSTTT! Sista! Who sayy make you no update?
if i sammah dat your head eh!!@#$^Y%

The Seeker said...

This is really one long post and i enjoyed reading it. this is my first time reading your blog and i would definitely be back again!

i have just started my blog. would like you to go through it. thanks.

Original Mgbeke said...

LMAOOOOOOO. Exschoolnerd you have killed me o. You are funny!!!
I don't even know where to start highlighting, shey I go start from the vibrating buttcheeks, abi na the ole buruku guys wey wan tiff ya table, or should it be the bobo wey give you isho on top table.
LOLLLLL. This ya class commentary dey very very funny o!
Ahhh so na so so Jenifa wey full that Unilag, chei. Awon Big ghelz, don jasi! LOL

Naija Bloggers Awards 2009 said...

Come on over Ex!

naija bloggers awards said...

please click here to participate.

Buttercup said...

where u dey na????

Tisha said...

you are yourself.
i am back so i dropped by to say hi
and see whats up with you?
hope u r good!

Naija Bloggers Awards 2009 said...

You have been nominated for the bloggers award!