Sunday, 24 May 2009
I am tired.
Dictionary: leth·ar·gy (lĕth'ər-jē)
1.A state of sluggishness, inactivity, and apathy.
2.A state of unconsciousness resembling deep sleep.
Even as i type this i dont want to, i just want to sit and do nothing,worry about nothing,want nothing...
now the first definition totally sums up the way ive been feeling for a while now.I dont want to do ANYTHING.
how can i not want to write? for God sakes how can i not want to do the thing that gives me so much joy? that makes me forget all my problems? how can i not want to do that...how can i not want to update my blog? want to quit blogging? i told myself id still be blogging 20 years from now..thats how much i love writing,expressing myself,its been 6 years since i started..but updating my blog lately seems like such a chore...its used to be fun, it used to be the only thing i looked forward to..now i update once every two weeks...i remember when people used to tell me i updated my blog too much..now i feel like i can't even be bothered and i hate feeling like this.
I write for a popular magazine and i am supposed to send in two articles..but nothing comes to mind..nothing!
I have alot of projects in the works but i have lost the will to set things in motion, i dont know if its cause i am afraid i will fail woefully...that i dont even want to try...that i keep putting it off...
i just dont want to do anything anymore...i dont know whats happening to me.
i pick silly fights with my sweetrat! I think i am trying to sabotage myself..i am trying to spoil a good thing slowly...
i just find that i am moody...like i feel like i cant go on anymore..i guess life isnt finally taking its toll on me..wearing me down...i am tired.