Laide: Er..M.J, I can call u M.J right?
M.J: Sure u can
Laide: so hows the afterlife?
M.J: hee hee! quite good actually, quite peaceful...can hear myself think,no one's tryna sue me, no tabloids placing bets on when my nose will cave in..feels like heaven
Laide: am actually happy to hear that cause, cause I am like a big fan not just one of them kiss ass fans.
M.J: hee hee! yeah cause if u r, u can just beat it! Beat it! Beat it beat it!
Laide: ok ok I get it no need to break into sing song.
M.j hee! Hee! Sorry I do that a lot.
Laide: I understand. So how do u feel about all the love you have received following your death?
M.J: hee! Hee! Gosh am truly overwhelmed, never felt so much genuine love, I mean am “speechless! Speechless! That’s how it makes me feel”
(I give him the side eye)
M.J: Am sorry no more breaking into sing song, I promise.
Laide: yeah and cut the hee hee! Out, we all know it was ur trademark scream
M.J: my bad! But its not exactly a trademark scream..that’s just me sneezing..
Laide(laughs) come of it…but u do it in all ur songs..
M.J: Yeah well I always have a cold, I don’t know why, so we just decided to include it in my songs.. it got tiring having to retake a shot like 10 times cause I couldn’t stop saying hee hee! plus it kinda sounded catchy..
Laide: Who would have thought..ok back to my questions.the world is mourning you, mourning the loss of a great entertainer, the greatest the world has ever seen.You saw the farewell service at staples centre in L.A right? How did it make you feel all those people gathering in your memory,your family, friends,colleagues,the whole world watching and mourning.
M.J: Happy..truly happy and grateful for all the love.
Laide: I am glad.I cried you know, when Paris spoke,she’s such a wonderful girl.
M.J: Aww! That just broke my heart, I miss my baby girl, I miss my kids.(cries for a couple of minutes and gathers himself afterwards)
Laide: so what do you miss the most of being alive?
M.J : Facebook. Lol.. jus kiddin…my kids, my family and my fans, the people that loved me and wished me well not the crazy ones that commit suicide cause of me.
Laide: yeah I was just about to go into that, what are your thoughts on that?
M.J: I am flattered by the fans I have all over the world but that’s just taking it to the extreme, I be their papa?
Laide: (shocked) did you just speak pidgin?
M.j: Am dead remember, I can do anything.
Laide: can you speak Yoruba?
Laide:hahaha!!! Fucking unbelieveable..pardon my French.
M.J: jo o se won le sin mi si atan cemetery?
Laide: hahahahaha….this is getting interesting…abi se e le jo alanta? Hahaha!
M.J: I am dead, I can do anything dear.
Laide: so are you really dead? Are you sure u and ashton kutcher aint planning the greatest PUNKED ever? You know on the internet there are claims that you are somewhere on the caymen islands sipping magaritas , they say you faked your death just to get away from the spotligh so you could finally be able to live a normal life.
M.J: you are right that would have been the greatest punked ever, and the stuff about me being on the caymen islands is just a load of crap, do people really believe all the nonsense they make up.I am not on the caymen islands ,common! If I wanted to fake my death I’d do better than that. come on! I am M.J for crissakes.
Laide: how did you cope with all the insane things the tabloids said about you?
M.J: I didn’t cope, why do you think I did all the crazy things I did.they said hurtful things, I know I am weird and all but sheesh the things these people come up with.
Laide: Yeah, I know, I once read that you kept midget sex slaves in neverland.
M.J: you see what I mean, I mean am not perfect but midget sex slaves!!! Hells no!!! not that I have anything against midget sex slaves. Mi o man se n kan be…
Laide: Am still trying to come to grips with your speaking yourba, freaking me out!
M.J: so what’s your favourite Michael Jackson song?
Laide: oooh turning the tables are you? Well let me see.i know I watched ‘smooth criminal’ like over a hundred times and always wondered how u did that moved where u leaned forward so low, trying to see if u were attached to strings.I love your videos because they were like mini-movies. “Do you remember” was also another favourite, “Black and White: and who didn’t love “Heal the world” but my all time favourite was BAD.
“You know am bad! Am bad! You know it am bad! And the whole world has to
answer right now just to tell you once again,who's bad . .”
M.J : laide o! laff won kill me die…now who’s breaking into sing song and tryna burst M.J moves…pls sit down before you hurt yourself….wait I got one…”Jo o se laide le jo bi Michael Jackson”
Laide: you got jokes, u really are fun to talk to, who would have known.
M.J : shey? U probably imagined my face melting,nose probably falling off, my cheeks caving in, my lips all shriveled up..i get that all the time.
Laide: (laughs) No! ahan! But it would be nice to see that happen..jus kiddin
M.J: before nko, o ni fe te!
Laide: ha ha! So back to my questions…your children, you loved them a whole lot.if you could give them any advice what would it be?
M.J: Have a childhood and don’t try to grow up too quickly, surround yourselves with people love and care about you enough to always tell you the truth no matter who you are, always keep your head when everyone around you is losing theirs..oh yeah and remember family is number one”
Laide: that’s good advice M.J, really good advice
M.J: I do have a brain contrary to public opinion.i notced there are certain issues you haven’t rasied up in this interview, why ? I mean this is ur once in a lifetime opportunity to interview me, a dead me that is.
Laide: well M.J sometimes its better to leave certain issues alone, these issues have been flogged and beaten and talked about…you are dead! You were the king of pop, loved by many, a great entertainer but your life wasn’t exactly easy peasy..u made mistakes, people said and did hurtful things,u also did some questionable things but for crissakes..you are dead! I can at least spare you the same ol crap.
M.J: you know this is probably like the best inerview
M.J: not ever since I died. TMZ has already been here.
Laide: those guys how do they do it.
M.J: but I enjoyed yours better.
Laide: that means a lot to me M.J, it was wonderful talking to you.
M.J: who did you say you worked for again?
Laide: Sound city’s BLAST MAGAZINE, one of the best magazines in Nigeria…quality articles, creative interviews and great events coverage,we give you the dibs on the latest fashion,music,art in a way you’ve never experienced.
M.J: cool down na! U go fear advertisement…but u are good and they are lucky to have you.
Laide: you knooow, I tell them everytime..(laughs) Sorry for the shameless plug.This is wonderful M.J, a dream come true..thanks again.
M.J: no thank you, and I lied this was my best interview ever.
Laide: (moved to tears) Thanks M.J wish you all the best in you afterlife affairs…you rock my world.Goodbye!
M.J: Laide! Wait!
MJ: Wanna see me dance alanta?