Tuesday, 21 July 2009

Interviewing a dead M.J

Laide: Er..M.J, I can call u M.J right?

M.J: Sure u can

Laide: so hows the afterlife?

M.J: hee hee! quite good actually, quite peaceful...can hear myself think,no one's tryna sue me, no tabloids placing bets on when my nose will cave in..feels like heaven

Laide: am actually happy to hear that cause, cause I am like a big fan not just one of them kiss ass fans.

M.J: hee hee! yeah cause if u r, u can just beat it! Beat it! Beat it beat it!

Laide: ok ok I get it no need to break into sing song.

M.j hee! Hee! Sorry I do that a lot.

Laide: I understand. So how do u feel about all the love you have received following your death?

M.J: hee! Hee! Gosh am truly overwhelmed, never felt so much genuine love, I mean am “speechless! Speechless! That’s how it makes me feel”

(I give him the side eye)

M.J: Am sorry no more breaking into sing song, I promise.

Laide: yeah and cut the hee hee! Out, we all know it was ur trademark scream

M.J: my bad! But its not exactly a trademark scream..that’s just me sneezing..

Laide(laughs) come of it…but u do it in all ur songs..

M.J: Yeah well I always have a cold, I don’t know why, so we just decided to include it in my songs.. it got tiring having to retake a shot like 10 times cause I couldn’t stop saying hee hee! plus it kinda sounded catchy..

Laide: Who would have thought..ok back to my questions.the world is mourning you, mourning the loss of a great entertainer, the greatest the world has ever seen.You saw the farewell service at staples centre in L.A right? How did it make you feel all those people gathering in your memory,your family, friends,colleagues,the whole world watching and mourning.

M.J: Happy..truly happy and grateful for all the love.

Laide: I am glad.I cried you know, when Paris spoke,she’s such a wonderful girl.

M.J: Aww! That just broke my heart, I miss my baby girl, I miss my kids.(cries for a couple of minutes and gathers himself afterwards)

Laide: so what do you miss the most of being alive?

M.J : Facebook. Lol.. jus kiddin…my kids, my family and my fans, the people that loved me and wished me well not the crazy ones that commit suicide cause of me.

Laide: yeah I was just about to go into that, what are your thoughts on that?

M.J: I am flattered by the fans I have all over the world but that’s just taking it to the extreme, I be their papa?

Laide: (shocked) did you just speak pidgin?

M.j: Am dead remember, I can do anything.

Laide: can you speak Yoruba?

M.J: yels

Laide:hahaha!!! Fucking unbelieveable..pardon my French.

M.J: jo o se won le sin mi si atan cemetery?

Laide: hahahahaha….this is getting interesting…abi se e le jo alanta? Hahaha!

M.J: I am dead, I can do anything dear.

Laide: so are you really dead? Are you sure u and ashton kutcher aint planning the greatest PUNKED ever? You know on the internet there are claims that you are somewhere on the caymen islands sipping magaritas , they say you faked your death just to get away from the spotligh so you could finally be able to live a normal life.

M.J: you are right that would have been the greatest punked ever, and the stuff about me being on the caymen islands is just a load of crap, do people really believe all the nonsense they make up.I am not on the caymen islands ,common! If I wanted to fake my death I’d do better than that. come on! I am M.J for crissakes.

Laide: how did you cope with all the insane things the tabloids said about you?

M.J: I didn’t cope, why do you think I did all the crazy things I did.they said hurtful things, I know I am weird and all but sheesh the things these people come up with.

Laide: Yeah, I know, I once read that you kept midget sex slaves in neverland.

M.J: you see what I mean, I mean am not perfect but midget sex slaves!!! Hells no!!! not that I have anything against midget sex slaves. Mi o man se n kan be…

Laide: Am still trying to come to grips with your speaking yourba, freaking me out!

M.J: so what’s your favourite Michael Jackson song?

Laide: oooh turning the tables are you? Well let me see.i know I watched ‘smooth criminal’ like over a hundred times and always wondered how u did that moved where u leaned forward so low, trying to see if u were attached to strings.I love your videos because they were like mini-movies. “Do you remember” was also another favourite, “Black and White: and who didn’t love “Heal the world” but my all time favourite was BAD.
“You know am bad! Am bad! You know it am bad! And the whole world has to
answer right now just to tell you once again,who's bad . .”

M.J : laide o! laff won kill me die…now who’s breaking into sing song and tryna burst M.J moves…pls sit down before you hurt yourself….wait I got one…”Jo o se laide le jo bi Michael Jackson”

Laide: you got jokes, u really are fun to talk to, who would have known.

M.J : shey? U probably imagined my face melting,nose probably falling off, my cheeks caving in, my lips all shriveled up..i get that all the time.

Laide: (laughs) No! ahan! But it would be nice to see that happen..jus kiddin

M.J: before nko, o ni fe te!

Laide: ha ha! So back to my questions…your children, you loved them a whole lot.if you could give them any advice what would it be?

M.J: Have a childhood and don’t try to grow up too quickly, surround yourselves with people love and care about you enough to always tell you the truth no matter who you are, always keep your head when everyone around you is losing theirs..oh yeah and remember family is number one”


Laide: that’s good advice M.J, really good advice

M.J: I do have a brain contrary to public opinion.i notced there are certain issues you haven’t rasied up in this interview, why ? I mean this is ur once in a lifetime opportunity to interview me, a dead me that is.


Laide: well M.J sometimes its better to leave certain issues alone, these issues have been flogged and beaten and talked about…you are dead! You were the king of pop, loved by many, a great entertainer but your life wasn’t exactly easy peasy..u made mistakes, people said and did hurtful things,u also did some questionable things but for crissakes..you are dead! I can at least spare you the same ol crap.

M.J: you know this is probably like the best inerview

Laide: ever?

M.J: not ever since I died. TMZ has already been here.

Laide: those guys how do they do it.

M.J: but I enjoyed yours better.

Laide: that means a lot to me M.J, it was wonderful talking to you.

M.J: who did you say you worked for again?


Laide: Sound city’s BLAST MAGAZINE, one of the best magazines in Nigeria…quality articles, creative interviews and great events coverage,we give you the dibs on the latest fashion,music,art in a way you’ve never experienced.

M.J: cool down na! U go fear advertisement…but u are good and they are lucky to have you.

Laide: you knooow, I tell them everytime..(laughs) Sorry for the shameless plug.This is wonderful M.J, a dream come true..thanks again.

M.J: no thank you, and I lied this was my best interview ever.

Laide: (moved to tears) Thanks M.J wish you all the best in you afterlife affairs…you rock my world.Goodbye!

M.J: Laide! Wait!

Laide: yes!

MJ: Wanna see me dance alanta?

45 comments:

Phoenix said...

FIRST@!@@

Phoenix said...

OMG!!! I cant believe it im actually first on your blog!!!
This is going to be a great day!!!! Great week infact!!!
Off to read!

Phoenix said...

Im doing the moon walk across this place.
Now its hammertime!!
*cant touch this*!!!!!

Phoenix said...

One more time, one more time!!!! lol

LG said...

lollll@ i be their papa LWBM :-)
MJ lives on......

mizchif said...

LMAO!!!

Nice one babes. I can so see you doing such an interview.
Even with the shameless plugging.

Abt this ut T-shirt, me too i want my own oh. How r we going to do it?

rayo said...

lwkmd, babe u totally rock. lmao at d sneezin. u r da best jare

Tay-mee said...

Lmao..omg you absolutely killed this. Hilarious with some atom of truth too. Thank you for making my morning!!

princesa said...

Sound City is lucky to have u dear.

U ARE GUUUUUD!!!
I hope say dem dey pay better o...

I see u got dem Tees did...nice!

chayoma said...

Phoenix we get it! person go think say this na the first time u came first in anything,lol!

But Damn! M.J. must be rolling in it! Laughter i mean!
Love the TMZ part plus a yoruba speaking M.J. now that's something to talk about...

Good one.
Good to have you back...
Oya i'm out

Phoenix said...

LMAO @ TMZ having been there first.
Chayoma spell beef.....,tehehe!

Temite said...

LAIDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!
Damn homeeeyyy
YOU ARE SO FREAKING TALENTED MEN
If you see how I just fall down fo chair with lafter. LWKM!!!!!

Tisha said...

lol

The Girl with the Red Hair said...

LWKMD
Laide you no kill us...LOL

Sir Scribbles II said...

Laide....U r mental...very very much too mental....very!!!

bArOquE said...

ah finally, i read one to the end, your posts are bloodily LOOONG but this one was GOOOOD
...imagine MJ speaking yoruba with his shrill voice.LOL
...so you just grab opportunity do advert abi? even MJ fear you, come do alanta
...abeg joo, i hope you played "pass me your love eh, ori se mi, pass me your love eh. owe owe" you played for him?
LMFAO. ciao

scarletboy said...

still crazy as usual... missed your blog, happy to see ur back and...bettar

CaramelD said...

Sound City should give you a pay rise!! LOL

WE LOVE YOU MJ!!!

olu said...

LOL @ M.J. dancing alanta. Too funny. Nice one.

leggy said...

lol...dont kill me..but im not a fan.nice interview though.

Yinkuslolo said...

something do u laide! like seriously. MJ, kai, d guy wud nt even rest in his est. nice one

pink-satin said...

you tewwwwwwwww funny

aeedeeaee said...

Laideee oooooooooooooooh! Oni pa mi!
haba..you're the only person who can get MJ to speak yoruba...and even volunteer to dance alanta?! sheeks, gurl...you wan wound person o! laff wan killl me die, chei!

Lati's Corner said...

looooooooool laide u don kolo...in some part i can imagine him sayin all dat..

Buttercup said...

HEE HEE!

pretty damsel said...

kolo.....lol

Suru said...

I wish I had thought of doing this lol please check out my blog I'm new here.

http://suruispatience.blogspot.com/

chayoma said...

Laide oh!
WHERE ART THOU?
@ Phoenix,
i am not a beefer but a lover...lol

InCogNaija said...

lmao!!! Nice look. U shud have asked him if he was going to haunt his pop for all the abuse he got.
and yes, i am bizack...

LayDeeBe said...

lmao...funnnyiest!

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

LMAO!!!!!
just reminded me of that bruce wilis movie where that little boy says 'i see dead people'
more importantly how do you dance atlanta????????

Geebee said...

Lol @ the M.J interview. Hilarious as it sounded, it brought a drop or two of tears to my eyes. Really now, that guy was the greatest, even with all his flaws. He remains the best there could ever be. Now, M.J speaking pidgin and Yoruba was something too. Just imagine the possibility. Hmmm, if truly the dead can do anything . . .

Omo calabar. said...

Nice.

pink-satin said...

where r u love?

Neo said...

u are not well! lmao!

Tears said...

beautifully touching...me likes :)

Chi-Chi said...

Lmao you killed it at the end!

Daydah said...

Am sorry but i had to tweet this! LMAO ROTFL! You're talented to d core babe! Keep 'em coming!

sub-conscious said...

omg!! u have killlttt it..lol. so tey i dey listen to 1 micheal jackson song now. it came on cue. as if the guy dey really feel u. nice 1!!1 lol. its LIBERIAN GIRL'

Anonymous said...

Laide ...You are definately a confirmed NERD with Caplock..for you to have come up with this...You should start writing scripts...Top job...kudos...

Oladipupo said...

9ice 1 ma peep

Oladipupo said...

9ice 1 ma peep

Oladipupo said...

9ice 1 ma peep

Oladipupo said...

9ice 1 ma peep

Lekuchepaps said...

This is very mahd and funny. I wonder how u came up with this..talented ish..(Y)