Tuesday, 22 September 2009


Facebook: whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat laide how could yu, hw cud u?

laide: *shocked* i..i....i am sorry

facebook: How could you and in our bed laide...how could u?

laide: there was no other place we could use.

facebook: and with him...with him..oh laide u break my heart,with him...

laide: facebook pls calm down pls...i..i...dont know what came over me

(laide moves to touch facebook)

facebook: Get away from me, u cheating bitch....and i loved you...didnt i love you
and you this bastard just lying there

(rushes towards twitter and rabs his neck while laide tries to seperate them)

facebook: let me kill that bastard....

laide: no please dont, dont! i love him too!!

facebook and twitter: you what?(both say)

laide: i love you twitter, i know its only been a month, but i love you, am addicted to you, i wake up and i think of you, before i sleep u are on my mind...but facebook i still love you, but i just got tired.

facebook: tired of what? didnt i give you everything u wanted..

laide: you did, but u were just too complicated, u talked too much, asked too many questions what sexualposition do i like? what inanimate object will i be in a afterlife,what percentage is my swagger? are you smarter than a kolanut, what perfume will my mess smell like...i mean just too many...too many long things with you, i got really tired.

facebook: but..but... i tot u loved it.

laide: at first i did,but the events oh my gawd..they drove me crazy....how many events can a human being attend...so many of your friends wanting to hug me, do all sorts to me..i am not into that mahn!twitter..well he is less complicated...so simple...so smooth..doesnt talk alot 140 characters per speech...listens to me...i mean thats what every girl needs..

facebook: you bastard! (to twitter)

twitter: you had her for a while, now its my turn to possess this beautiful body and worship it.

laide: I love it when you talk like that baby.

twitter: RT: I love it when you talk like that baby * i love you *

laide: awww!!! muah muah muah

facebook: the both of you deserve each other...u both disgust me.

laide: facebook i know u hate me, but i still love u...u just weren't giving me all that i needed

4rm the relationship..

facebook: wasnt the sex good?

laide: it was but twitsex was more exciting!!! he paid attention to my needs and got me tweeting all nite long!!!

facebook: (trying hard not to cry) i gave u everything, every fucking thing..i put ur name in the lights...i gave u a platform to showcase ur self, ur talent to the world, got u so many friends.....and this is the thanks i get?

laide: (crying) i feel horrible, i feel like the meanest bitch that ever lived and truly i love you...and i still want to be with you..but m confused...

facebook: i can laide! i can....i can be all you want me to be..you dont have to downgrade to this glorified facebook status.

twitter: Downgrade!!! i am most definately an upgrade from u!

facebook: Shut up! before i put my foot up ur birdy ass! you know i can.i know people in the mafia.

twitter: oooooooh am so scared...big mr facebook is gonna come after me..ooooh am peeing in my pants..

facebook: oh my god you left me for this...for this gay fish..i am the best you've ever had and...

twitter: I'm sorry to interrupt and immaletufinish but myspace was the best she ever had...

(facebook punches twitter)

laide: stop please...stop!

facebook: you know what i dont need this you need to choose now...i am not gonna be like that fool..whatshisface hi5 yeah, that confused fellow u just left hanging after u used him for all those years..whats it gonna be...are u in or r u out?

twitter: you were with hi5? sheeeeeet! baby yu get around...friendster too?

(i nod)

twitter: oh my! you didnt tell me all this..i only know about myspace..are there others?

laide: yes.

twitter: Gaddemit! hope u dont gat no SNHTD'S ..social network hopping transmitted disease..

facebook: Look i still want you, u and me baby we perfect together..u the best i ever had baby.the best...and i dont want to lose you to this gay fish..

twitter: bird

facebook: whatever..u still gay!

twitter: *sticks out tongue*

facebook:so whats it gonna be laide..u with me?

laide: am confused, i love the both of you..

twitter: you gata choose baby...u gata!

laide:i cant...i cant..if i cant have you both then ama just leave...i gave someone real special

for both of u....i just hope he'll take me back...

facebook: baby dont do this...pls..we can still kick it..u dont have to go..'

twitter: wait! there's somebody else? i been twitsexing with some social network whore...

(gbese! another punch on twitter's face)

twitter: what the fuck is wrong with u? y r u so violent?

facebook: you callin my girl a whore..u bastard!

twitter: shes about to leave both of us for someone else you fool...

facebook: is that true...are u really gonna break my heart?

laide: am sorry facebook...i cant make a decision...

facebook: so who is this bloke..telll me i want to know...

his name is blogger!

twitter: fuck it! my cousin!


Phoenix said...

LMAO...Amazing you are too much babes!!
Loved the ending in particular!!

Phoenix said...

oh wow, im first yay!!!

exschoolnerd said...

yaaay!! r u on twitter?

Yinkuslolo said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Yinkuslolo said...


i meant as mad as usual

Dis Naija Boii said...

Dis IZ Brilliance....U D Bst Nd I Luv U U Jst Took All Ma Stress Away

Nefertiti said...

LMAO... Kolomental XSN. WTF is SNHDS or whatever? lol. SMH.

~Sirius~ said...


Tell me about it.

That's why I've stayed clear from all of them.

Oh well, it is hard to stop tweeting......but my addiction was soooo bad, I just had to curb it.

But I'm definitely coming back........really soon.

luv said...

LMAO...Bow to this creative masterpiece.

Anonymous said...

lol..you don kolo finish

Anonymous said...

lol...i loved it!!!
omG,my cousin!!!

Myne Whitman said...

What a funny post, fb and Tweet duking it out. LWKMD...

~Sirius~ said...

hey, forgot to say......love your new look! I can read better.

exschoolnerd said...

@yinkus..lol!! i dont knw hw to do anything but mad.

@dis naija boi..happy 2 hav done that love! and u need to stop stressing about silly stuff okay.


@sirius...me too jare.the old look was annoying wa sjus too tired to change it..but am kinda sad..lost all my blog links!!!

@luv...aww shucks!

@pink-satin...dont i know it..lol

@leggy..thanks dear

@myne whitman...serious battle for the love of moi!

Controversy said...

Hahahhahahhahahahahahhahaha lmao.
Hahahhahahaha WIN WIN WIN..
Damn hahaha i love this mehn. Good Stuff.
Creative masterpiece true true.

Anonymous said...

Lmao...*dead* "fuck it my cousin" hilarity!!

Qube The Wordsmith said...

Ur madness haf enter nu horizon abi?

twitter: I'm sorry to interrupt and immaletufinish but myspace was the best she ever had...
ROTFLMAO LWKMD! not fair na free kanye...

cerberus said...

You are something else. Loved reading this.


The experiences of an achiever....... said...

roflol..like the kanye bit.."Immaletufinish..he he!!" and twitter asking fcbk why he was so violent..funny!!!!!!!! plus he is my cousin.laide o!

juiceegal said...

I loved this....says it as it is. You're really creative girl..keep it up

Jojo said...

this pikin you no well. That said I'm still wiping the tears from my eyes cos I laughed so hard I cried. Wonderfully creative as always.

~B~ said...

U wont kill me oh! so ti gbo? LOOOOL!! My cousin! teheehee! Hope u kno u hav t remain faithful t Blogger sha, cz u cnt abandon ur numerous kids (followers) :P

Anonymous said...

I died! "Fuck it, my counsin" FUNNY!
Seriously LMFBAO
Obinrin mejo

Rene said...

i dint expect d last part

misspumping said...

tre fabulous that is french for very fabulous

well scripted

@ilola said...

creativity on the highest level

funkola said...

lol lol lol! very nice one.

Mola said...

This is real cool, u shld ff my blog to and i am on twitter, big ups girl creativity re defined

aeedeeaee said...

LWFKMDHO! Holy Shiznit! @ fuck it, my cousin! Dayum...Fuckin' Genius gurl!

histreasure said...

this rocks..it's witty, well-thought out, creative and funny as hell
girl, u had me laughing out loud severally..
great post n d ending is awesome!!

TaioFierce Ameen said...

lol, same as bin happenin 2 me, hope my FB nd twitter realize i luv dem both equally...

Nice Anon said...

lol you no well i swear!

bArOquE said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
bArOquE said...

ah, madness sha oh...so na blogsville finally win the case? LOL...niiiice

The Girl with the Red Hair said...



Anonymous said...

this is sweetttttttttt

honnie said...

this is sweeeeettttttttttt

Tisha said...

I am in an open r/ship with FB but blogger i my best friend i just won't let go of.

Repressed One said...

LWKMDDDDDDDDDD...that was heelarious!! Yay to blogville!! I'm not on twitter sha.

N.I.M.M.O said...

Where's Xanga in this mix?

Tyger said...

this is not bad at all! lovely write up! keep it flowing sis! it rocks!

olu said...

Jesus, Mary & Joseph! Abeg, come back o! We can't wait.

You've been starving us here on blogger.

'there was no other place we could use.' LMAO.

You're too mush!

David.фаворит Бога номер-один said...

you are something else...
nice though, very creative!

Tigeress said...

now, thats hilarious!!! very good creative work.

scarletboy said...

u know wot i love about your blog? it keeps getting better with every post, keep it up! U are really creative, will follow u on twitter if i can remember my id again....

Osondu Nnamdi Awaraka said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
CaramelD said...

Love the new look babe! I am laughing with your post it's too much. Reminds me of your teddy bear post as well LOL

PS Still not into into twitter !

osagz said...

laide...your downright talented...you almost got me shitting my pants....
i like the fact that u get around!

Ms. 'dufa said...

LMAO. U don waka shay! Nice dialogue!

catchme said...

lovely script
couldnt stop readin
hang on imma go read it again

*TinKerBell* said...

LMAAAAOOO..."My cousin"
Lovvvveee itttt!
Newbie here bdw! <3

Emmymillion said...

Hey !! This post is awesome... I loved the drama... So so cool !!
Is there a way to add this as favorite :D cos i def. need to read this again !!

Emmymillion said...

I was just picturing it !! Yo on friendster too u can also join opera...Yeah i will definitely be bk :D

LusciousRon said...

LOL! You are something else!

Anonymous said...

OMG... I'm having a coughing fit from laughing too hard!!! That was THE funniest thing I've ever read. roflmfao... seriously, that was insane!!!!!!!!

scomiss said...

you have been tagged...check my blog for details

Enkay said...

Funny, funny, funny!
Facebook, Twitter, Blogville...all of them are addictive. Period!

So where have you gone?

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Anonymous said...

ROFLMAO! LOL! This is soooooo hilarious

Rita said...

Hi...how now...how are you doing? when are you updating next

Thirty + said...

Mad funny....it can only be you, I can't even shout for laffing

Womilee said...

I swear down, that's the funniest thing I've ever read. Nice one.