HOW I GOT MY 'SLUTY' BACK
Its funny how you can love someone one minute, and the next minute u are thinking up ways of chopping his body into tiny little pieces and stuffing it into a body bag. My husband is sleeping next to me on the bed and his snoring can rival any generator...i tell you sometimes its like sleeping with a generator...so i cant sleep, but thats not the only reason why i am up at this ungodly hour blogging, oh no it isnt... theres more to it...so we haven’t really been on good terms this past week... we’ve both been cranky, snapping at each other,acting childish and shit.... and its been real annoying because a gurl needs some and how can u get some from a big baby
ok so it started on Sunday when i wanted to change the bed sheets....i chose the blue bedsheet but he insisted on the pink...and in my mind i was like ‘which guy likes pink bedsheet’....but we fought back and forth on what friggin colour of bedsheet to use... i tried to tell him that ‘pink’ was a girlie colour so i didn’t understand his sudden love for it..or was this his way of coming out of the closet.... all of a sudden his mood changed.
‘What are u trying to insinuate are you calling me gay?’ and am like... ‘sheesh am only joking na! When did u start taking stuff serious like this’ but this man turned it into something else ooo and didn’t sleep in our bedroom... i even had to go beg him and apologise but e no gree, e carry face like shit and i kuku left him....
Tuesday wasn’t any different, at this point i was really pissed cause i was wondering if it was my lil comment yesterday thats causing him to act up or something else. When i went to run my hands over his chest like i usually do after his bath.... he was like
‘ wo! I don’t have time for this today jare!’
See me see wahala.... but i tot u always liked it and u always had time for it before... he didn’t answer me ooooo!!!
‘You know i hate it when u tie this ur yeye wrapper ‘
I don’t know how tying my wrapper is affecting you...
‘cant you get something a lil sexy, appealing’
‘what if i don’t want something sexy’
‘well id like to see you in something sexy’
‘something pink’ i joked?
‘ you know what i have to go to work’
‘my kiss nko?’
‘No kiss today, come back tommorow’
‘Chinedu what is all this about’
‘’I’ll see you in the evening’
i couldn’t find even one of my wrappers....
Chinedu pls have u seen my wrappers??
‘ I burnt them’
‘you what? U r kiddin right?
‘No i burnt them u can search for them, ull never see them...
‘What right do u have to take something that belongs to me and burn it..are u out of ur friggin mind’
‘So what am i supposed to use now’
‘Check ur drawers i got you some stuff’
What is all this rubbish, u must have mistaken me for some two-bit stripper if u think i am going to wear this.
Whats wrong with it, its sexy and i like it
‘You are kiddin right, see chinedu this isn’t even funny anymore...where r my wrappers’
‘i burnt them, i don’t like them, they are not sexy, they are a turn off’
‘And this garbage is a turn on?’
‘Hell yeah, try one on and come and give me a lap dance’
‘Chinedu are u alright, lapdance ke??? Are u okay?
‘You used to be real fun and interesting u know... willing to try new things.. i miss that’
‘ so i am not fun and interesting anymore, am just a boring old fart now?’
‘u were supposed to say no’
‘and mean it’
‘ what do u want from me laide!’
I WANT MY FRIGGIN WRAPPERS!
Mscheew!! M going to work.
Laide where are my boxers and who the hell owns these pants in my drawer
Your boxers were such a turn off, i think pants r better... they accentuate ur assets properly, i like seeing what u r working with hunny’
‘Laide where r my boxers?’
‘I gave them to the gateman..... oya put on one pant and shake ur tail feather for me cowboy’
‘ omigosh when did u become so boring Chinedu’
‘So this is payback laide?’
‘u knw i was only trying to spice our marriage up’
‘whats wrong with our marriage, i thought it was fine the way it was’
‘its boring and u know it’
‘Because m not dressing like a slut and shaking my pom poms in ur face’
‘pom poms i like the sound of that...hmmn’
‘Okay enough ! my boxers!
We didn’t talk at all!!! And i started to realise this was getting a little out of hand....and i started to think. You know it won’t be bad it i sexified it up a little.. like really if i were chinedu would i really be turned on by a wrapper wearing wife... and yea! I have gotten a little boring... sex has gotten blaaaah.. he wanted to try something crazy the other nite and i said ..NO! no not anal oooo... i would so give him an uppercut if he suggested that.... some kind of wheelbarrow style sex thingie.... i was like chineke! No be me and u..but ive been thinking.... and u know what i did... i got some French maid outfit and some sexy nighties from this sex store i erm...stumbled on...no i don’t have it bookmarked...sheesh.... and they are sending it tomorrow.....operation blow his mind has just begun.
Honey wake up!
What is it?
Just wake up we need to talk!
Talk about what?
‘why is the room so dark’
‘and oh Gawd! U r back wearing ur wrappers...’
.....music playing in the background...... (Dwele – find a way)
*wrapper comes off and underneath is my French maid outfit*
*chinedu sits up immediately and cleans his eyes repeatedy*
U r not dreaming honey!
Come sit down here!!!
Hahahah don’t tell me u actually wore those pants...
‘Like i had a choice..nice package huh?’
‘why do u think i married you? ‘
‘ For my smarts and good looks’
‘What smarts and what good looks, don’t kid urself o!’
‘ am hurt!’
‘Shutup! And stay still!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*singing* ...am bringing sluty back
Blogville....the rest is none of ur business........
But er... the wheelbarrow thingie...gets the thumbs up! hehehe