Laide: oh yeah baby!
Twitter: u like it like that yeah?
Laide: yes baby! Oh bbm...dont stop bbm!
Twitter: huh? Bbm ke…wtf!!! Who’s bbm?
Laide: fuck! …nothing babes.er…it jus means baby mi
Twitter: you are lying to me! Ive heard that name before….who is bbm laide?
Laide: serious baby….no one…
Twitter: okay dear!!! Good night
Laide: but baby!
Twitter: good night!
TWO WEEKS LATER
FB: If twitter catches us ehn…u will smell ur yansh..
Laide: u nko? He will beat u silly….betta do quick and b going to ur house..oo stop dat tickles
FB: laide uv bn ignoring me lately….u know dat..i tot we still had something
Laide: I know dear, its just that with twitter and other stuff I don’t rili have time for much
FB: not even for me? Remember how we used to roll back then….u cnt give dt up
Laide: (smiles) I miss dose times too, was thinking we cud go back to how we were bt I need time
Fuck! Did u hear that? Seems like twitters home…quick under the bed..fast fast!
Laide: under the bed ode!!!
(Bursts into room)
Twitter: so I knew something was up wit u…and I had to put up a camera in our room…I wtchd the tape yesterday...its been eating me up..but I know uv bn seeing someone else…who iz it?
Laide: covers face! i.i…..ii…i…..what? u ruggedized me? How cud u?
Twitter: don’t change the topic binsh
Laide: I can xplain baby! I can!
Laide: its..its bbm
Twitter: no be babymi again shey… baby wat d fuck! Wtf! I tot we wer tru with ur whoring…I mean u were doin fine..u started SNAA(social network addicts anonymous) uv been clear of ur addiction for 3 months..what happened.
Laide: I dnt knw baby! I jus cnt help myself
Twitter: I mean is it the sex…don’t I kip u tweeting all nite long… I mean! Jus because of u…I even take alomo so I can mk u twitlonger.
Fb mutters from under bed - *ODE*
Laide: I know baby I know..but its just dt…I cant stick to one, baby…ive tried…am insatiable
Twitter: first it was that gaytard facebook
Facebook coughs under the bed…
Laide coughs acting like she’s the one
Twitter: dat gay bastard! I bet he likes it in d ass…. What did u ever see in him
FB: ah ah warris the meaning of that one ooo!!
Twitter: who is that?
FB exits from under the bed.
Twitter: what the fuck!
FB: bros cool down! Na d same way I catch u and am for my bed before..so why u dey shine muscle
Twitter: ur case is critical laide…
Laide: tell me about it
Twitter: u been messing around with gaybook too? I mean wat next… naijapals? Does it ever end
FB: hehehehe I love drama…. See ehn I hv accepted that laide is a social network whore..she loves whoring..she cant stop it..d more u try to stop it the worser she becomes…accept it ….
Laide: its true! Its true! Its true! Bt I hv to say something…GBAGAUN!
Twitter: friggin illiterate! Smh
FB: when did I gbagaun?
Twitter: so bbm is d new guy huh? Wats so special abt him..does he keep u entertained…what d fuck does ds bbm do dts so friggin special
Laide: BBM come out!
FB and Twitter: CHINNNNNEEEKE!
(BBM steps out…crixus resembling something)
BBM: well this is awkward
FB: ( looks at laide) ….u don’t fucking say!
Twitter: (staggers) My frail heart cant take this anymore….pls tell me u don’t have HI5 hiding somewhere here
BBM: hi kini!!!
FB: I wont be surprised
Laide: its not what u think..he wont leave me alone ooo
HI5: (comes out from toilet)…..pliz na! laide pliz come back
FB: u never die?
HI5: na u kill me…
FB: well pretty much…
HI5: hi5 will regain his former glory
EVERYBODY BURSTS OUT LAFFING
BBM: My friend dress far! (pushes HI5 out of the way)
FB: hehehe….this is fucking weird right now…
BBM: baby, y r dese dudes here
FB: jambquestion toh bahd…
Twitter: dudes? Where’d u get this dunce from? U r in my fucking crib
BBM: ill pretend for one minute I care….ok am done!
Twitter: oh yes u r! right after I put my foot up ur ass
BBM: o de wo face! Wo dada!
Twitter: (taken aback by the broken, a lil scared but cant stop now) I don’t give a fuck…
(Tries to punch BBM)
(fight fight fight)
Hi5 gives face book punch
HI5: (PUNCH)This is for all d people uv stolen from me….
HI5:( PUNCH) this is for making me a laughing stock among my peers
H5: (PUNCH) this is for! Mai mama joining facebook…(starts crying)
FB: let it out! Let it out!
HI5: (PUNCH) this is for making me gay
FB: let it out!!! Ehn! I no do that one oooo!!!
STOP IT!! STOP IT!!!! I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE…STOP IT!!!
LAIDE: I AM TIRED!!! …now heres what is going to happen…. I cant make a decision..yall know me too well..i cant..i like all of yall…except hi5..
HI5: ah ahn nau
Laide: well not anymore
FB: (rubbing HI5’s back) let it out! Let it out!
Laide: I love yall!! And I cant stick to one I know….i gata have u all…
FB,TWITTER and BBM: WHAT!!
LAIDE: its either that or nothing…I cant choose…even if I wanted to..
BBM: well better that than losing u
Twitter: I guess if I love u, I gata deal with ur imperfections
FB: I am down for whatever
HI5: Okay!! no problem…
FB,Twitter,BBM and laide: *blank stare*
HI5: Oh am not included..cuz I tot.that..maybe..u.. oh right…not me..okay! I can take a hint
HI5: I know where am not wanted
BBM: u do!
HI5: Nobody loves me… am gonna just jump out this window and kill myself
(No ones interested)
HI5: so am going near the window to jump
(No one answers)
HI5: am by the window…n I am about to kill myself
HI5: I Will kill myself and rid the world of me..not like anyone cares..or anyone will miss me…not like they check on me..or ask…after me..or lo……yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
(BBM kicks HI5 out the window)
Laide: I tot ud never kick him out!
AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER!