Sunday, 11 July 2010

Because of man.......


I was just thinking about all the places i have gone to because of a man/boy places that in my right senses i probly wouldnt have gone...all the things ive been through because of one foolish man....
it was because of man that my father gave me a 5pm curfew ooo!!!

So what happened oooh..yea i went to Festac..my first time in Festac..i took a cab,twas during my cabbing days..before i popped my danfo cherry,i lied to my parents that i was going to school, i was probably like 18 or younger..i finally found the house ooooh! met the boy...not bad looking... i saw him a couple of times after that..then this one day...everyone was home..we were in his room...talking and all..i had lost track of time... this boy now starts begging me to touch him...now see ehn..ordinarily lemme not lie i might have touched him if he didnt beg..but how pathetic can u be... he was like ' pls laide! pls touch me..just touch me! touch me there...he pointed to vuvuzela and am like... 'ewww!' like seriously ' y r u begging to be touched'.... i told him i was leaving this goat locked the door... 'u must touch me first'... i took my fone out to check time....6pm! chimo! first i begged...my dad will kill me... he will disown me... he will pack all my belongings into indomie carton and put in front of our door...this randy he-goat will not listen.... i thought about shouting..shebi his family is around...but i was like why cause all the comotion.. i turned it to vex..he no wan open door.... i had made up my mind that i was not going to touch him cause i was so turned off and disgusted....i beg and beg...7pm... i haf died..... i started crying...started banging on the door... people started to ask what was happening..thats when the bastard opened the door... i ran out of that house like a bat out of hell.. took me 30mins to find a cab...just when i thought... Thank God thats over...na so i meet hold-up oooh! one bastard hold-up... after 2hrs on the road its 10pm... my phone's been ringing like crazy but i didnt pick.... i am formulating a lie i will tell my father... i get home... they call me all sort of names and thats how i got my 5pm curfew!


.....So there was this oda idiot in my area oooh! mumu that i was we became friends...we used to hang out alot... when i look back now i just think it was extreme boredom that made us friends.. and i wanna slap myself till my teeth fall off... so yeah this boy, he'd beg me to cook for him and bring it over to his house...he'd beg me for food stuffs like a brainless peacock me sef will go and be stealing my mumcy's beans and rice and yam for this oniranu.... okay now! instead of him to appreciate it,na so so complain.... instead of me to respect myself and siddon for my house i would always go over... i was bored i tell you... until one day i borrow im c.d i say make i go return... i knock enter.... next thing we are sitting on his bench... i dont knw if he shacked that day but next thing he brings out his dirty lips.. "kiss me" and am like "why" and hes like "pls kiss me" and am like 'free me jare' and he's like ' is my mouth smelling y r u treating me like this, kiss me now' i look at him like 'dress to one side jare' next thing i know this sex starved mongrel grabs me and planted his wet, disgusting...amala and ewedu scented lips on mine....chinehke! i saw my mother's face! and i was still a 'fagin' then ooooh.... next thing he pins me down...seriously when a guy is horny he is extra strong..wtf!!!! i tried to push this horny morrafucka off me but he wont budge.... next thing he is undoing my jeans.. am like mogbe! i start crying instanta.. ' segun pls! segun pls na! me that used to bring beans for u! segun pls!' ....fell on deaf ears oh..what i had on top of me was a horny beast ready to devour me.... i start to dey shout ooh! he use hand cover my mouth..i bit that bastard hand.. he had a roomate kunle..that one just started knocking the door.... i think he gained his senses again...cause he got off me opened the door... and knelt down and started crying and begging me...

i rushed out of the door..this fool grabbed my leg and started begging me, 'i dunno what came over me...forgive me'... leave my leg now... 'am sorry say you've forgiven me' ..i said 'i have forgiven u' and that was the last time the guy saw my brake light.. beans in our house lasted for a very long time after that... we'd bump into each other every now and then.. i will just give him one dirty eye and the bastard would know better than to tlk to me...


Man took me to kirikiri side!!!! as in its after apapa.... i dont even know how i reached there or found my way back..went to see my bestfriend and his friend...(details of this visit will not be put on this blog, see me in camera) lets just say that became the beginning of the end of me n my bestie and on the way back home i almost died... i sat in the front seat of the coffin masquerading as a danfo bus and while in motion..on express ooooh..the door just opened fiam! gaddemit! thank God i wasnt leaning on it... i got the shock of my life....just because of man o!

It was because of man..car jammed me on the 17th of April.. okay it wasnt a man i was interested in but he was still a man neways..and i was just doing follow follow.. cause of boredom..wait o! maybe its boredom not man that is always getting me into all dis kain quantas....

30 comments:

Kiky said...

lol....hilarious. My dear no be only you, wen i was 17 i nearly got my head broken by robbers because of man. God has rili saved us all 4rm d kin places wey we bin they enta bcos of some really useless goats.

blackrubies said...

Ha ha ha ha ha
Men!
AT least we learn from our past mistakes..right?
That Segun guy is not ok at all..Ahn ahn he now had the audacity to bbe begging for forgiveness.

exschoolnerd said...

@kiky Get ur head broken ke..lol...thnk God no be only me don do crazy things ooo!!! lol... abi God has really saved us...

@blackrubies

yes o! we gata learn.... d guy is a fool..na my fault.. i knew he was a fool from d get go na me no just wan hear word..my eye con clear later on!

Ireti said...

Lololol. Back breaking. Men, they can be w/man's doin or undoin.

Miss Natural said...

this was hilarious! as in lol..those guys are crazy, what kind of possession is that. Nawa, man trouble, it is serious. I learnt how to use public transport because of guy, almost got casted to our church pastor because of a guy. I have def learnt now sha.

Nono said...

LOL @ the noodles carton remark. I def feel u on dis one. To mention all the thngs(not small @ all) I've done 'cause of guys would be to be shinning my own nyansh in public so I'll pass but mehn!! Never again :)...if he cannot come and find me, he can forget it. #teamnomorestress

Sisi Yemmie ™ said...

lol...Lol...u will not kill me Laide! Ive missed ur blogs...hope its not man keeping u away sha...lol..I cant recount the things ive done for man...maybe someday i will

TayneMent said...

OMG, you are hilarious! lol. We thank God you made it through them situations. LOL!

Xabi (in my mind this is my name) said...

OMOOOOO!!! If i tell you what i have done 4 man ehn....na...i dunno y we gurls go the extra 'painful' mile 4 these Dolos o! It is well...
This post btw....absolute filarity!

Anonymous said...

Lmao...dis is o hillarious pple in my office actuali thnk am goin bananas...hmmm thns we do for dis demented gender, man...I'll remain silent on my own bt thank God we have al opened eyes nau...still lol...nice one hun u try for dem can

musco said...

Lol! lol! lol!

When u people will nt leave us alone ...lol. why won't d 'kini' start thinking.It has a mind of its own ...

haba ... 'useless goats'?as if u won't end up marrying a man!

musco said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
bArOquE said...

that first guy should have been kicked very hard in the balls...i pity the 2nd guy, the one that begged for forgiveness.heehee...

you sha have drama, you..."he will pack all my belongings into indomie carton and put in front of our door"...who says that? LMAO

Lara said...

LMAO@he will pack all my belongings into indomie carton and put in front of our door.

Laide abeg do not kill me, this is fing hilarious. Man no go kill us, because of them we suffer everyday. The 2nd guy get scoin scoin for head.

leggy said...

lol..why did you end it now>give us more stories.this was hella funny tho.

Myne Whitman said...

I agree that it is boredom, except you can yarn us the secret one,then I may change my mind, hehehe...

ibilola said...

Eureka!

Just...Toluwa said...

LMAO!!!

man! and dey did u like this...but ur eye don open ba?

lmao!

Eknoreda said...

ROTFLMAO!! Dizz geh u r not alright at all!!! I can't stop laughing!!!!! LOL

the hedonistic nigerian said...

lmao freakin hilarious!thats why since i get adult sense i no dey go nywhere fr any man o, gone r d days of teenage grapplings, fun as they were i dont miss em one bit.great blog btw.

Rene said...

me i'll say boredom made u go to man and dt landed u in trouble......loool

Mr. Tee said...

Hahahahaaha! Jeez! i didn't know guys like this still existed. No Suave, No Moves, No Style...Damn!!!

Dolly said...

LMAO, you're really funny lol. You're right, guys are extra strong when horny, be careful though, you may not end up so 'blessed' the next time...

LE DYNAMIQUE PROFESSEUR said...

lol - Laide. u no go take laugh kill person o.

- LDP

EDJ said...

LMAO wow. This is truly hilarious and a bit disturbing considering you had two "near rape" experiences. Kpele oh!

Sha I am sure you have learned a lot from these experiences! Lol...good job on surviving.

The Girl with the Red Hair said...

two near rape experience, no be small thing oh.LWKMD

scarletboy said...

hehehehehe... gosh u know how to meet them... thank god u didnt meet someone with fish breath... na so we deh see when becos of gals too...

genius4life said...

äctually wanna knw wat happened wen u went to ur bestie's place at kirikiri...wen do i see u in camera for d gist...lol


Nice post as always.... thumps up

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Is this possible?

Anonymous said...

U r certified bonkers n coming from me its a very big compliment that's hard to come by..the one I loved most was Segun me that use to bring beans for you..hehehe..good one Bravo