Monday, 3 January 2011

A tweeps guide to tweeting

Because I love yall so much…I took the time to outline certain guidelines to make ur twitter experience worthwhile…pls if you do not have a sense of humour I would advise u to stop here and go and pick a copy of ‘omo getto’ I think that would be worth ur while..but if you do pls go on…feel free to LOL,ROTFLYAO…let laugh tear your yansh and belle sef…whish one consign me… and refer to your friends.

If you tweet like a retard e.g

@shallypumping : whats pumping shally shallz I what to knows if I have a follow from you back

Or

I rEaLlY nEeD mOrE fOlLowErS oN tWiTtEr CaUsE I Am NeW

Now twitter is a lot like high school, lez not lie… so yeah people will automatically think u are retarded …u will be segregated like a diseased baboon for such behavior..never to be taken seriously… from ur twitter handle will spring up many TT’s and *cough* voicenotes…I advise u to go back to facebook where they accept you for who u are. Harsh but true.i am ur friend,no one else will tell u diz

Twitter is not facebook. On facebook you send a request and if the person knows u or likes u or whatever crazy reason people accept facebook requests these days they accept. Twitter is not like that.Its a micro blogging site, where crazy people like me with too many thoughts in their head..get release thru 140characters.Now you meet other crazy folks. You like their tweets,people RT their stuff u follow them…ok rewind..YOU like their tweets YOU YOU YOU..their tweets are funny crazy ,mad whatever and it’s the kinda stuff u wanna be seeing everytime u log into twitter.so you follow them…they don’t have to follow back.Its not a courtesy thing, its not facebook…they follow u back if they want to…do not take it personal. The earlier u realize this the better ur tweeting experience.


Do not tweet at foreign celebrities….STOP IT! Unless u are me tweeting at drake. ..u wont understand. I had a vision from God about him and I, I wont go into the details…but there are children in our future sha.. if u like be yimu-ing there. You on the other hand telling ‘Kim Kardashian’ –Good morning dear ..er..una know from primary school?…. People run from tweeps who exhibit such deluded behavior..stop it! There’s a lot more chance of u stumbling on a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow than receiving a reply.

People will follow u if u are funny, witty, clever yada yada yada …..now if u are not blessed with the funny bone…people notice when u are trying too hard. Contrary to popular belief one yellow bar doesn’t equal a one inch growth of ur penis, boobs or ass… cause if it did…I should be sporting some mad ass badoinkadoink (pun intended o jare)

Know the difference between a TYPO and a GBAGAUN cause once people notice u are one of those who cant differentiate btw em, u just wanna RT and add gbagaun with the hopes of getting a non orgasm giving yellow bar.You will not get a follow back.

E.G I think I looj funny in this dress ….this is not a GBAGAUN its a TYPO …doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that

But if they tweet

I look funny in this dresses -----> Oya collect one orgasm.

If all you do is add a LOL here, a GBAM there.. a COSIGN sometimes.. and maybe, just maybe someone types OLEKU …oh boy Christmas is early… u get to add ….’tell me something wey I no fit do’ ..if that is all you do…. You don’t tweet any interesting shit, ER…why exactly should anybody follow you? To be nice? I hear they r being nice on HI5… u can go there for ur daily dose of niceness.

Do not crash people’s tweet convo’s …. Ok lets say I am tweeting at someone who totally understands my sense of humour.. lets say STEWIE… and I say “that threesome we had with Elijah was awesome..i cant walk properly” and you from the Mushin side of twittville will now retweet and add ‘Gosh u r such a fucking disgrace’ n u r not joking..even if u are…its not ur business…this incident happened in the lekki side of twittville oh..doesnt concern your mushin ass..u don’t even know what they are tweeting about…don’t do it!

Now what might be acceptable is adding a LOL…to a retweet that doesn’t really concern u…maybe its just really funny..but do not insult, if u do not know.

If you want a follow back… do not type ‘now ff so so and so pls ff back’ me I am just trying to help u sha…u can tell the person u are ff but cut the ‘pls follow back shit’…u r following because u find the person’s tweets interesting..give the person a reason to follow u back. heres what u can do..you can tweet at the person every now and then…retweet their tweets and add funny comments and when the person is sure you are not a psychotic attention seeking boring serial gbagauner just looking for trouble on the net I am sure they will follow back and if they don’t…u have the choice to unfollow.Easy as ABC!

A lot of people left facebook for twitter cause they wanted a place where they can express themselves without being judged …so prepare to be shocked by tweets…make sure u don’t carry ur facebook behavior here and start criticizing everybody cause of their tweets cause u will be told to go to hell in ways u never thought were possible, after which u will be blocked.
Know who you can joke with… u just followed someone and u are already calling em a ‘fool’….yeah u say u are joking…but they wont take it that way cause frankly they don’t know u like that…that’s what they call ‘familiarity’ ..it can also be known as FAMZING…run from famzing…RUN!!!! Run from that evil demonic behavior known as ‘famzing’ that makes u tweet at dbanj and call him dapedo (a variation of dapo) when ur foolish self doesn’t know him from adam..RUN!!!!!!

Lastly, please take the time to google the word ‘OPINION’ ….if someone tweets … “ I think avatar was a very senseless movie and a waste of money” and they tweet this from their account…it is obviously their opinion and you know what they say about opinions… why then will you come and start shining muscle on the person’s tweet. Yeah YOU think avatar is the greatest movie ever..YOUR OPINION…do not attack someone cause of what they think about something.

Brothers and Sisters of tweetville… if u read these guidelines and tweet by them…you are sure to have fun everytime u log into twitter…believe that.
May God bless u as u tweet with sense.

38 comments:

Tomboxe said...

Once again you have annoyed me by giving me another reason to like/love/lust after you! I just came over to my PC to switch it off oh! Now I've read this and I have to tweet about it. Laide I hate you! Or at least I would if I could. Nice one!

Brilliantly Me said...

I am now #commenting on this post. Pleast #comment back!

But on the real though, I'm re-posting this on my blog because people need to know this shiz!

John Tapiya Joseph said...

okay so i made it first here, Well like I have always said and I maintain it you are just freaking good. Keep it up.

Tapiya as all times......lol

Come laide you and this site wan do me Ojoro abi? why una go talk say I don 4get my password na una give am to me before?

mee said...

I love it.....!

Miz Khimmy Babie said...

"and you from the Mushin side of twittville".....You kill me Iyawo Drake. LMAOOOO

Anonymous said...

Hilarious. I love ur posts even more cuz they're soo real...no too much grammar. Didn't expect anything less.

Anonymous said...

Hilarious. I love ur posts even more cuz they're soo real...no too much grammar. Didn't expect anything less.

Anonymous said...

You are real crazy i cannot stop laughing.....
U shld tweet more often laideobabe (nevermind i know you from lekki)

Anonymous said...

Funny but true stuff!
Nice one Aunty Laide. :D

cherlypumping said...

U are so on point babes.....! 100 gbosas for u.

itsallaboutthewords said...

Terms nd agreement (accept or don't accept) Easy steps to tweeting! The twitter education nyc 1

ms.k0yn said...

i know soo many people that need to see this.

showstoppa said...

Hehehe. Make dem park well of dem no sabi drive.

Anonymous said...

Well said! GBAM!!!! Nd dis is me not famzing

sweetness said...

I haven't laughed this much sha siiiiince last year
Iyawo drake! Those shidreen shall manifest in Jesus name

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry but why are there rules to tweeting. Aren't people meant to go there and have fun and not take things P. You this babe, u are sadder than I thought oh. So twitter is like your personal life now. Your real life must really suck. My advice, write a Book ;)

tunji said...

Thank you ma! We shall take note o!

Lara said...

Laide iyawo Drake...you are so on point...I love you girl #nohomo

Lara said...

Laide iyawo Drake...you are so on point...I love you girl #nohomo

The experiences of an achiever....... said...

Aunty Laide pls educate me-
What is RT?
Does ff mean follow?
Is it wise to join twitter and only follow/stalk BankyW?
I am not funny, is joining twitter a good idea?
Why can't my handle (btw se this means twitter name?) be something razz like Adiapumping or Adia'slovehandle?
Thank you for your exposé!

- c e r e a l - said...

LOL, I think some people need to read this...as usual, you done good

didi said...

@Anonymous *d one dats is vexing*...
twitter isnt that serious..

odunayo said...

@ d annonymous immediately b4 me. pls stay on fb whr ur whole life belongs.dis blog is jus 4 intelligent liberal minded pple nt pple in a dark place or pple missin a brain. thank u

Anonymous said...

Lmsao! Wish I had seen dis be4 I joined twitter! But I don learn sha! No more pls follow me bak!

swaggermiss10 said...

Nice!!
iLike!

Osagz said...

Funny post. Got me laughing real hard...but I've gotta say, She is telling the truth

mizchif said...

My belle o!
Too funny babes.

But errr.....hmmm....you know when you first joined twirra u used to be mega burnt by people not following you back o! But now as a celeb consign you are on the other side of the fence abi

Anonymous said...

Clearly u take twitter too serious.

Anonymous said...

Hahahaaa!!! This is superb! M guilty of som'n der sha so I'll take note! Who is dat sad person dats vexing? I bet he/she is one of those fflwn 2000pple with 10fflwrs! :p

agirlgoinginsane said...

lmao...this blog post just released all the tension i had in me today.. i've been laughing! i hope all those pple 'famzing' get to read this!!

Anonymous said...

You really gave me a swell time. I enjoyed twitter much when I took to your tips. This is my 25th day in twitville and I think av made some really cool friends. Infact, I got a twife already. Thanks to your Blog

exschoolnerd said...

thnks alot yall!!!! muah muah muah!!!

thnks to those who read this and just laughed about it.

Anonymous said...

Nice site, nice and easy on the eyes and great content too.

Plumbline said...

Lessons Learned...some of us just end up attending classes when the Lectures are over..lol

bizkit said...

Babes I wud reconstruct my typos 4 u. definiteli not a gbagaun. Loves yuo Babes. lol. 9ce piece

Anonymous said...

@ odunayo u jst broke a ruLe oh!! Dt anonymous persn dt wz vexin wz only expressin his/her "OPINION" so y'all shudnt nw disi d persn. As 4 mi I enjoyed d post. As educating as it seems let's nt 4gt dt twitter aint dt serious oh!!

Anonymous said...

you blocked me!!!??? I cant recall ever RTing or even saying anything to u on twitter.. I guess it was probably a mistake. UNBLOCK ME A.S.A.P! lol... I mean it :). I doubt if u even knw u did it (well that's what I am telling my self)

Abdulrahym said...

Very funny write up! But you and I know u don't even follow dos rules yourself....To all dos goin hard on the 'anonymous guy' dats his/her opininon nah.....Must everybody kiss Laide's ass ni :P