Tuesday, 15 March 2011

To my unborn child

Hi dear I do hope u r fine wherever u r..I do hope u r a boy, no girl, no boy, no girl, no boy ...okay okay a Girl. I do hope u turn out hot just like ur mum pls hold on dear, I need to dstribute cough syrup to some pepople here..ehen hot like ur mummy but with some junk in d trunk sha. Pls don't take last when they are distributing asses sha..ehen...before they'll leave u with kpalasa.so ti gbo? Be there early okay? Oh oh oh and pls also when they are sharing feet better ask for small size so ti gbo? Cause If u know what ur mum is suffering because of this canoe wey dem call feet u'll pity her. My beautiful unborn daughter... I almost don't want u to be born into this cruel world of ritualists,NEPA, heart breakers, bad belle,natural disasters,liars cheats gossips, dissapointment, rejection, failure,hit and run men, stupidity. Don't get me wrong I want you, I want you so bad... And yeah there's a lot wrong with the world but there's also a lot right with it. And anyways wouldn't the world be a snooze fest if u just woke up and everything went ur way? But we could do without the ritual killings though. Don't be scared dear mummy is here. Now dear here are several things mummy wants u to know and keep close to ur heart

1. Always iron when there is light. To put ur trust in Nepa is to set out to be dissapointed. Do not procastinate on that dear.

2.Do not talk too much, flee from people who can give a parrot a run for its money. Try not to engage in malicious gossip it doesn't add anything to ur life. Try as much as possible to mind ur business and do away with iranu talk. Stay away from drama.flee from it.

3. Eat healthy... Life's hard enough. Harder when u are fat. People are mean dear.

4. Rejection well will happen. Its not the end of the world. Doesn't mean u are not good enough. Its just one of those things that happens to all of us...you will reject people too...

5. Educate urself. Be pretty but be smart too. Let ur conversations go way beyond what colour of powder u use.

6. Men are..... Hmmmn... Men are wonderful but also not wonderful at the same time. Take ur time before u decide to give urself to anyone. No dear I mean it. Take ur time. Get to know this person. Please don't rush. Take ur time. Not promising all will go well...but see​ it this way if it does all good..if it doesn't its one more experience to learn from.

7.Have fun. Good memorable fun with good friends. The kind that make u feel good about u and u make feel d same way. Go out, do stuff. Create memories.
Don't be in such a hurry to grow old.

8.Be street smart dear.... Be cute and posh but dear ur street smarts will take u a long long way #dontdull axe ur grandmummy I was always streetsmart...well not always but at one point it became a blessing.

9. Try and be kind/nice dear. There are no rewards whatsoever for bitchiness. Its not a good look, doesn't make u look tough or feared it just makes u a bitch. Be nice but don't take nonsense.

10. Ahh music. I do believe u will fall in love with that. It will help u deal with life's fuckery (pardon my french) sometimes,oh yeah and laughter.. I cannot tell u what that has gotten me through. Stick to funny people. Whatever makes u laugh is ur friend.

11. Enjoy sex. Well when u are old enough to... So ti gbo? Pls do not let any man... Whether brad pitt clone or whoever is hot in ur time make u do what u don't want to do. There's nothing wrong with virginity too.So whatever u choose

12. Pls dear people will talk. They will say all sorts from what they know to what they don't. Its hard but try not to let it bother u. They will say u did this, did that. U r this u are that. But when u think about it they r just humans... Just like u..they have no extraordinary power whatsoever dear so who died and made them judge. Nobody! They can't kill u with their words. They are not God. What they think about u...really is their business not who u are.

13. Pls read novels ooo! So you won't use english like 'more better' or 'coal slur' or 'modeler' pls pls pls ...face ur studies oooo!

14. Be urself, try. Its not very hard.... Pls run from peer pressure..flee as much as u can. You will realize there's nothing as spectacular as having a mind of ur own.

15. U r not perfect, u will have faults. Infact I imagine u will give me wahala sef. And I am already storing ur pankere for you, u cannot kill me because I didn't kill my mother.I had many faults though..many! Made many mistakes.

16.You'll make mistakes but learn from them.

17. The police is not ur friend but pls respect them.. Ka ma ri accidental discharge.

18.Have the kind of fun you won't be ashamed of the next day. Seems kind of boring...but believe me taking risque pictures with ur friends can be fun but u don't want ur naked picture on the internet d next day do u? Ehen! Ko ya ara e brain.


19. Live life like no one owes u anything. Do not wait for a man to take care of you. You have a head and he has one... U have hands. Get to work o jare!

20.Know God. Not church. Rev sister. Brother abraham or pastor maxmillan. Know God.


U'll learn more as u grow, the trick is to try and stay level headed and have self-respect.These r just a few tips I thought I'd pass on to you dear. Mummy loves u.

Oh yeah and one very important one.NEVER SHAVE OFF ALL YOUR EVEBROWS...never dear! If this is d only thing u heed to. NEVER!

30 comments:

Juke said...

I looooove this. Sweet Laide. But then u ended up preferring a girl. Pls try 2 write another one where the unborn child will be a boy. If u can tho. Nice One.
@YungJuke

Sofowora Olatunde said...

Lolz. Early morning dose. Nice.

Jumie said...

Lmao @ brother maximmilan, canoe feet, don't carry last for yansh! Laide, nice oneee joorrr... :D

~Sirius~ said...

LMAO!

Eat healthy...life is hard enough Harder when u are fat. People are mean dear.

Word!

Nice post...sounds like people having been chatting a lot of s*@t around you...no mind them, bad belle people....hehehehe

I really enjoyed reading this.tips I shall be passing on myself.

Grace8J said...

LAIDE!!!! You are one talented babe..i enjoyed every bit of this blog and the "ko ya ara e ni brain was rlly necessary jare!

CB's Suga said...

Love it....

fresh_child said...

U are sumtin else ..lol

pelumi said...

lmao - no15 is hilarious(sha no beat am too much)...anoda gr8 piece - u sure do have a way wid ur blogs *double thumbs up*

kiki said...

º°˚˚˚°ºнaĦaнaº°˚˚˚°º‎​ U̶̲̥̅̊ haff come again.I'm glad U̶̲̥̅̊ were able to put down all this facts of life on 1 page.True talk.Nice 1

Regina(biggest fan) said...

Dis write was nt only for ur unborn child but as if u were talking to me too.love it

Ms.$haw-T£€ said...

Unborn child must to learn ..UTUNU!!! Or else.. 'Stored pankere'*lips sealed* LMAO! *thumbz up* ex-schoolnerd!

Sisi Yemmie ™ said...

lol...exactly what i want to say to my unborn gawjus daughter! lol Nice one Laide

Just...Toluwa said...

lol @ police is not ur friend...ka ma ri accidental discharge..lol!

True talk!

Lovely post, but only applies to girls...write one for a boy!

Kiky said...

This girl u have killed me...am here in d office laughn my ass off and my collegues r wondering what i ate for lunch...lmao

Chizy K said...

Auuuw very nice
hopefully u've not scared the baby lol

http://chizys-spyware.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

I know my unborn babies will definitely have to read this. Good job

Oyinade said...

Lol, u made my day. I've laughed too much. Nice nice.

BBB said...

heheheh SOUND ADVICE JOR

Toluwanyme said...

Great read Laide,its nt only the Unborn child that needs this we All need it. so freaking True.

Abiola Akanji said...

Laide.....always cracking me up. keep doing ur thing girl.

Anonymous said...

U took my breath away. U neva fail to WOW me. My (unborn) kids av gotta c this too.

Tee said...

Hahahahaha This gyal you have killed me...

English is very necessary I agree...May we not have Umblerra-like offspring

Love the post...God's blessings hun...x

Anonymous said...

OMG i love your blog... im too shy to comment with my I.D but i have bookmarked it and i would be reading more... had a good laugh and makes so much sense.
''life is hard enough Harder when u are fat. People are mean dear.''

True

Myne Whitman said...

Nice post!

phunmie said...

nice one am feeling it so much

Lara said...

Girl this is some correct advice.

lol @ police is not ur friend...ka ma ri accidental discharge..lol!

Me Likey

luvnosa said...

Did you listen to ur mama when she gave u all this advice too so why shld dis lil unborn female child listen to you???? Lol.........

Bagz' bloggin! said...

Great advise!! Some are soo hilarious but nice one there jor!

Nyla said...

Too funny...Nice one..Itching to read what u would say to your son.

Kpolli said...

21. Now this is the grandest rule of all.You can ignore every rule , even the eyebrows shaving but this MUST NEVER be taken for granted! NEVER EVER MARRY SOMEONE FROM ALUU.If you sight them from 1km away, jo omo mi, take a run for your life. Don't even make friends with them.Olorun o ni je ki n sukun omo!