Wednesday, 4 May 2011

but UNCLE was her friend.......

If u were abused as a child there are two ways(or maybe more) that u react.... u either really like sex, become promiscuous or really hate it because it reminds you of a time that u’d rather not remember.

Mr George was her friend, she was just 10....he was also her mother’s brother, her uncle he had been living with them for as long as she could remember. Uncle George was young,strong, confident, very good looking, a player,he had alot of girlfriends. He was also her best friend, he took her everywhere , showered her with gifts, nobody could lay a hand on her for fear of Uncle George. He’d often take her out to visit his girlfriends or to buy clothes..anything to put a smile on her face. She trusted him, Uncle will never let anything happen to me she thought...Uncle loves me. Uncle is my best friend. She loved him so much.

One day, Uncle introduced something else into their perfect relationship. He led her upstairs to her room, while her brothers argued downstairs engrossed in a video game they were playing, oblivious of what was happening or was going to happen. He told her to sit down and then he locked the door.

She had no idea what was going on, maybe uncle just wanted them to stay here...maybe he just wanted to do all those silly faces and tell all those stories that made her laugh. Uncle told her to lie on the bed, its Uncle so she did, she had no idea what was happening...maybe Uncle wanted to play a game.
Uncle put his hand up her skirt, she didn’t know what/how to feel. He was her Uncle, her bestfriend, this is probably okay, she was 10,what did she know, he would never hurt her, she didn’t know. This was Uncle

He touched her in places no one else had ever touched....he put his mouth all over her body... but this is Uncle...Uncle cant hurt me. He gave her a jar of Vaseline and told her to rub it all over his privates. ..but this is Uncle my bestfriend.... she had no idea what she was doing....how it would affect her for the rest of her life.... right then and there she was just doing everything to please Uncle. Uncle did alot of things to please her before, he bought her things, took her out...now she’s doing something for Uncle. They are just playing, innocent play play

Uncle did this for the next three years until he left.
Uncle has gone..but the memories never leave. Uncle’s actions led her on a long search for love...when she was old enough to realise what uncle did she broke down. Not Uncle, not the person i loved and trusted. Uncle’s actions messed with her head, messed with her relationships, she went looking for love in all the wrong places and on all the wrong faces. Uncle made her believe sex was a way to make someone like you..but it wasn’t...so she liked all the wrong people, who treated her badly....she had such disdain for intimacy and sex....and would only do it to please a man...that’s what Uncle made her believe.

Uncle still calls her once in a while...but Uncle acts like nothing is wrong..like he didn’t do anything... like he hasn’t in some way.

How do u get over being molested/abused by the one person you loved/trusted....that one action that led to so many bad decisions,hurt,rejection,pain... Uncle was supposed to be her friend. How can a friend hurt you like that.

19 comments:

OBII said...

it's one of the stories we never tell... sometimes its Aunty too.

Anonymous said...

I was abused sexually for years... Diff uncles in my case. I used to be filled with a lot of anger when I figured 'uncles' did me wrong... I talk abt it now. Am in a fantastic relationship and have told my partner of 5years abt it. Its helped my anger issues, intimacy is no longer a problem for me. I feel so much better talking about it now. Bottling it up is the worst thing that could happen... When I would read writeup's like dis, I would cry for days,now I just feel so much better its out there. We will be mothers someday and know exactly wat to look out for. And for those who weren't victims of these evil people... Please learn from those who were and are willing to share. Its not relegated to one sex only. Men go through same too. Bless. X

Anonymous said...

woooow!!tbh i have read quite a number of blogs talkn about stuff lk dis, buh 4 sum reason dis brings back sum memories dt iv chosen to bury deep.i can relate to this,to an extent, d only diff being instead of uncle, make that aunty!!!

Anonymous said...

ooo and btw, i am girl...

Anonymous said...

in my case it was uncle and aunty.. It is really sad. I try my best not to think about it, but I know it has damaged me.

Sisi Yemmie ™ said...

Surprisingly this happens to most children. It is so sad when an older person takes advantage & the kids are scarred for life. Parents should educate their kids before time. Cos u never can tell who will try to abuse ur child

Ms♥Infamous said...

Really stories that can't be told.. And its so sad that most girls actually went tru this experience.. And if only there was a way to stop it, life wuld definitely be better

@anonymous sorry you had to go tru all that and I'm glad that you're happier now..

Myne Whitman said...

It's so sad to know about stories like this, children abused, and worse, by people they trust. I hope she can talk about it and get some relief.

bizkit said...

Just lyk 127 hours, u know d endin buh tis d Vehement journey dat makes it a masterpiece. my Heart goes out 2 girls touched by 'Uncles' al ovr d world 2 hav a voice & speak out against such perpetrators.

CaramelD said...

SO much crap happens like this in Naija and so many kids are scared to tell. It nearly happened to my Mum but she beat the guy off (a relative) so she has always warned me to be on my guard. I was seven in Lagos and we were having a big house party and this stupid man like that (my Dad's godson) was harrassing me no end. Kept talking shit about come lets go into this room and talk! Once I realised something was off I went to Grandma and didn't leave her side all night. Later I told my parents and he was banned from the house. Later it came out that he had abused girls and boys in his area. I really believe Mums should warn their kids to be on guard.

~Sirius~ said...

OMG!!!!

Three years!!!!

I'm almost in tears here.......

I feel anger swelling up, I might just type the wrong thing.

I'm so sorry....

Omosi Thisgirl said...

While I commend you for this write up, I will say it's not so black and white. You don't become promiscuous or abhor sex forever and ever, while it's true for some people, it's not the case for everyone.

As a survivor of sexual abuse, I will say it has given me some serious intimacy issues but I neither promiscuous nor do I abhor sex.

All that aside, I think people need to be more vocal about sexual abuse in Nigeria, not necessarily 'name and shame your abuser' because that is not always possible but speak out and try and educate as many people as possible. Also any victims that come forward protect them and stand with them even if you're the only one.

As for getting over it, I don't know how one does that but staying in contact with your abuser doesn't help matters. And if a person can, share your pain with someone, tell your mother or your father or friend but tell someone.

Miss Natural said...

This makes me feel so sad, I was thinking about this exact issue yesterday. There's this tv series I watch about UK youngsters and yesterday's episode was about a young girl impregnated by her stepfather. It upset me so much! Some people are so cruel. Parents need to be extremely careful with their kids, this cannot ever be overstated. In the episode yesterday when her mum found out at least she was understanding and almost killed the step dad. In reality most stories don't end with someone you love supporting you and being there

exschoolnerd said...

@OBII yea sometimes it is

@Anon 8:16 i am glad u are able to talk about it now and feel so much better.


@Anon 8:20 wow thats a first..usually its uncle's or a man thats just very sick...sorry u had to go through that..hope u r tlking about it now

@sisi yemmie and miss infamous i totally agree, almost all the girls i know have been through this and its just so sad. Yeah mothers need to really warn their daughters...

@myne whitman and bizkit yeah sad is putiing it midly, it is so heartbreaking i tell u and people need to speak up more

@carameld u are very lucky dear, thank God for saving u from that evil man....smh

@sirius its okay dear


@omosi i totally agree

@miss natural thats true, its even worse when there's nobody to tell or cry out to when u are going through such.

Anonymous said...

Well,by the time i was 9, my mother had sent 2 house assistants away because of sexual abuse.
The first one made me finger her and because i found it weird, i smelt my finger and said "inyama", she slapped me. I cried and she begged me to stop, cajoled me and all, but i didnt stop.A family friend then arrived and i told her what happened,she then reported to my mum.She had to be sent away.i was about 4.
du

Tisha said...

i wasn't abused.

raped!
Is there a difference?

I can't say that i love or hate sex

It did something for me though
I don't pretend, no bullshit

I never please anyone to cause me discomfort
I don't cry any longer when i read stuff like this

so i guess i have healed a lot.
Not yet the woman He created me to be but i am on the way there and helping women along the way.

Not a man hater, neither i am a typical female who just believes whatever she hears!

Anonymous said...

I think the worst part is when the 'abused' becomes the 'abuser' if help is not sought fast. In my case I was no more than 4yrs when the abuse started-an older cousin.After a few yrs,it was like a light switch came on&I realized wot was happening&put an end to it.Funny enough he never maDe a fuss or attempt after that.Sadly it didn't end there,I was already sexually aware&was about 9yrs when I stared 'exploring' with a younger cousin.. It didint go on long as I realized I was doing the exact same thing and I felt horrible.That was the end,it's a part of me I hate to recall and how much damage I might have caused. Honestly I takes the grace of God, it just makes me very aware of family settings with live in relatives and I'm very determined to make sure it doesn't happen whereva I can help it.

Gossipgirliee said...

sigh...... kids are always afraid to confide in anyone, mine was a different issue, i was raped by 3 guys dat i could have sworn would give their lives for me.. it was on may 27,2002, i cry every year on dis day. while people are celebrating children's day, am mourning the loss cos it was actually my first, this has affected my sex live, relationships in so many ways, i was first trying to get back at men,now my life is more complicated cos i even try gurls cos i still cant live with the pain n its all coming back as i write, i pray 4 God's strength to be able to FORGET THE EXPERIENCE

Anonymous said...

Boarding School was the best thing that happened to me.. i was able to run away from it... noone molest or hurt me any more... i remember thinking it was ok and taught other kids what they did to me...
I remember the first time, i was about 5, my parents were off to London, my siblings in school/playing.. the only thing i remember is that it was my cousin and there was blood.. he was a smoker and wicked...after him was my brother's friend, then my neigbors.. then i started relationship, couldnt let my boyfriends go down there...

And then i met someone who was different, told him everything..he was gentle... waited for 10yrs, it was so painful and he was gentle...

You never leave your past behind...there was this day he tried to pull my jeans and the memory came back, i fought him...and another day he said something that reminds me of the hurt, the pain and i beat him as he was on top of me... i broke up with him after that incident ....

uncle, aunty, neigbours... some people are gay and lesiban today cause they were molested by same sex as them..