Friday, 6 May 2011

One night stand




My best friend says i over think every little thing, i am not spontaneous...i am no fun....i am fun but spontaneous maybe not. There’s just something that scares me about doing things off the cuff, just plunging into it without thinking, without rationalizing, it scares the bejesus out of me....but i envied –Lara. Lara is my best friend, free-spirited, zesty, the most spontaneous person i know....she’s a spur of the moment kinda of chic...so yeah Lara dared me to do something spontaneous, get out of my comfort zone....do something daring and unplanned and since i am not one to back out of a dare, i obliged the silly twat.

So she set me up on a blind date with this gorgeous guy (so she says) if i get there and he’s not as gorgeous as she went on and on about...i will put my feet and then some up her beautiful behind... so yeah Mr.-blind-date is gorgeous, works in a bank *yawn*, tall and yada yada yada... Blind dates are so not my thing, i would never had done this if she didn’t dare me....they just come off as desperate and mega scary....

But this is me trying to be spontaneous, trying to do something i wouldn’t normally do... yeah right nobody dares me and wins... so yeah date with mr banker is tomorrow... *sigh* i also plan to do something i have never ever ever ever done... those evers convincing enough? Hehe ...sex on the first date....if Mr. banker is as gorgeous as Lara says he just might be getting some tomorrow.

I have the perfect plan, we have dinner in the hotel and after many attempts at flirting and seducing we retire to the room, have a romp in the hay, hopefully a memorable romp and in hay and in the morning i get out of there as fast as i can....hoping never to bump into Mr. banker....

Mr banker was just as gorgeous as Lara described, well chiseled face, clean shaven, the man looked good in a suit i’d give him that. He seemed a little uptight though, dinner was great, he seemed to want to do most of the talking and wouldn’t let me get a word in. That's alright i thought, after tonight we wont have to see so, talk away mr-i-love-to-hear-myself-talk, i couldn’t wait for dinner to be over, i just kept imagining how it would all go down, would he be good in bed?

Probably not seems too self-involved to care about another person’s needs but then again who knows... big feet, hmmmmn.... okay this dinner is getting to long.... i am gonna tease him a little so he gets the message.. i take off my shoes and my feet finds its way under his trousers and i caress his ankle a little...

“What are you doing? He says puzzled

‘Erm what does it look like i am doing’ I counter but somewhat embarrassed

“why are u rubbing my feet?”

“Erm i am so sorry” my legs retreated fast like a disappointed penis”

“I am sorry i didn’t mean to sound that way i just, its just, it just felt weird thats all, i do like u a whole lot” he added

“No problem, sorry didn’t mean to startle you or anything, i’ll be right back” i smiled and stood up quickly and made my way to the restroom


I never been so embarrassed. Maybe i shouldn’t have done that, that was really kinda weird i agree.... don’t know if i should continue with this.... no i cant back out now... even if i wanted to...my hormones are raging....and there’s the dare... one last try if this doesn’t work out it’s up to bed for me.... silly ass uptight banker, he’s lucky i am horny.

I take off my panties like i had seen in movies, maybe i should have brought and extra panty instead...silly me...i grabbed a marker from my clutch and scribble ‘meet me upstairs room 102’

Scared shitless i walked out of the rest room and headed towards Mr. banker.. i didn’t say i word...i just quickly but sensually slipped my panty into the breast pocket of his suit and walked away seductively...

I had sashayed half way across the room when i heard someone scream my name, I turned around and my panty hit me right in the kisser.
I would have died right there.
My banker was huffing and puffing like a cross pig

“What is the meaning of this? Why would u put ur dirty stinking pant in my pocket? Are you a prostitute or what kind of man do u think i am”

A slow, uptight, knee in the balls deserving one i thought, but i was too shocked and embarrassed to open my mouth.

His voice was loud enough to make everyone else sit up and watch the soap opera going on.


I could hear some giggling.
Gosh where did Lara meet this maniac.

There was absolutely nothing to say, i picked up my purple lacy panty and ran as fast as my legs could take me,away from the hotel and to my car.

That did not just happen i thought. So much for being spontaneous Lara would hear from me.

36 comments:

CaramelD said...

I wish you could see me now, my hand was clapped over my mouth in horror!!

exschoolnerd said...

hehehe i can imagine, its like something out of Bridget Jones diary

CaramelD said...

Lemme confess on behalf of my uni friend. She wrote room number for her boyfriend on napkin paper (she wanted to be edgy and add excitement)but water distorted the ink and he thought it '8' as opposed to '3'and went to a random Hindu couple's room with his shirt off!!!!

disgodkidd said...

this did not really happen, did it? i moonlight as sniper by night if your interested...hehehe....

Tee said...

Say it ain't so...Dear God...You wouldn't ever!

CB's Suga said...

Oh wow, Tel me this didn't really happen? OMG.... sounded fun though... pele

Mz.T said...

Buahahahahaahahahah!!!!!!! OMG!! Equal parts horror and hilarity. But this was obviously not you right?

philosopherH said...

Lol..good for you

24yearOldTeEnAgeR said...

This just has to be fiction. It just has to be. And if its real..i'm sure that chic is traumatized for life. Lol Funny story sha.

exschoolnerd said...

@caramelD hahahahahahahhaa wow that must have been really funny...hahah

@disgodkidd hehehe nah it didnt happen... thankfully.. ur sniper services might still be needed though

@tee hehe

@cbssugar nah it did not oooo...fun ke? more like embarassing

@mz.t lool nah not me,figment of my imagination

@philosopherH ...evil u..too bad it didnt really happen :P

@24yearoldteenager fiction toh bahd but i cant help but wonder if someone out there has experienced this though

Mr Banker said...

erm...ermm... chai! I apologise for whatever embarrassment i may have caused you. i never knew that was the reason you put that in my pocket. maybe we can have a re-run? please? *piglet face*
;)



#okBye

Toinlicious said...

lmao! dat was some really uptight dude. he was probably gay jor

Anonymous said...

Omg..great story..a bit horrifying..lol. Choi I was pitying the girl o.

@dejavup said...

I guess mr banker turned out to be her Mr right. She shouldn't be so shocked , she'd have reacted the same way if she wasn't on a dare.

Single Girl said...

lmao......this was hilarious...i kept thinking oh no..what is she doing...oh nooo!!!

Modupe Odele said...

thank God its just fiction *heaves heavy sign of relief* .. but honestly,i dont think any Nigerian banker will resist such, their minds are so perverted.

CyRil said...

OMFG!!! I'm still speechless mehn! Great sense of imagination though, cos thinking of your kinda person I dont think it would end like that...#justsaying
But it was a great sunday morning read

Kamsy_d said...

Ehehehehe.....virgin in suit.....the dude died and came back after seeing the pata in the suit.....@Lara: next time try find german machine in suit now.....

Regina(biggest fan) said...

OMGosh.... dis is just breath taking.....

Okeoghene said...

Do stuff like this happen to people on first blind dates?

Oye said...

LOOOLS! this better be some creative joke..

Blaise 'Aphascea' said...

Very funny though, the dude is just a regular guy, I bet he never watched romantic movies while growing up....would you blame him? Seriously I think not.....daaamn!!!!and the babe was just so luscious with her actions, how person go seke for this kain tin?d guy just saka himsef..*smdh.

kitkat said...

OMG! tell me this is a joke! omg! woow!

Bazton said...

I can imagine how embarrassed you were! And though this is a fiction, there are peeps who go thru this, especially those who fell to peer pressure, doing things they would never have imagined not to talk of doing. But Mr Banker was kinda harsh sha.
Keep it up Exschool, am NEVER disappointed when I read your posts.
*If only I can get 1cent of the brain you use in writing these...*
twitter/@Bagzton

Anonymous said...

hehehehe i so wishing it was tru sha, cos i can seriously relate!

enigma106 said...

How can a girl give a sane man all those glaring advances and he'll act like that!!!!!! He's the F in the word FOOL....

U can't blame her..She wanted to be 'spontaneous'

Good read btw

Anonymous said...

wow!!! funny and thought provoking at the same time...u cant really blame the banker though...just another case of a good idea/wrong scenario...nice piece

Luciano said...

"I so wishing it was true" - no wonder u r anonymous...lmao

nuel said...

I just started a blog and was told to visit your blog! Wasn't disappointed @ all!

kiki said...

brilliant and funny would make a great start to a great womens novel!!!

A-9ja-Great said...

Ok,you have my permission to kick Lara in the ass.WTF?! What kind of moron is that guy?

Chic Therapy said...

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chizy K said...

truly where did Lara find him lol... very funny though, wish i was watching this in a movie though

Anonymous said...

OH LORD!!! I'm mortified for you! LOL please tell me its fiction lol

Ayodele said...

Nawa oh, a guy doesnt want to do a girl and the next thing, everyone thinks he's gay or boring...

this world sha, I wonder how many decent babes remains out there. I guess I would react exactly as Mr Banker except for the talking too much part. Who knows what she wants to sell to me (A Main dish of STD or a dessert of HIV).

lovelife4sale said...

OHHHMMMMGEEEEEEEE lol..... #EpicFail..... i swear i always think i have the most awkward happenings, but its good to know im not alone in the world. lol. it gave me a good laugh, yeah dude was way too uptight, maybe he likes boys, or he probably knows he sucks.
i could give a million reasons for why it was a wasted attempt on a prude of a guy, but im just glad you took the risk, because now you have a story you can tell and laugh about. Awesomeness.